Husband makes cardinal mistake of criticizing how his wife cleans her vagina, pays dearly.

Jun 2, 2018 | 2:24 PM

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Posting under what is certainly a throwaway account to avoid recognition if he ends up choosing witness protection, Reddit user Throwthricethree shared a tale in the infamous subreddit "Today I Fucked Up." His post's title, of course, says it all.

"TIFU by telling my wife that I'm grossed out by her after-shower habit."

Where to start.... this happened a few hours ago, and I've been in hell since then. I have no one I can talk to about it, and I need to get it out.

TL; DR: I told my wife that her after-shower habit disgusts me, and now my marriage is in danger.

Extended version: My wife of seven years has a shower habit that has bothered me for years, and today I finally told it to her. When she steps out of the shower, she dries herself and then lifts the little hood of her most precious lady bit and wipes it off. It's a minimal movement, not longer than a second or two, and she assured me once that it doesn't hurt or anything. And yet it disgusts me. It reminds me of all the dirt and gross stuff that accumulates under that piece of skin. I'm circumcised, so I never had to handle smegma. Being daily reminded that the place where I put my tongue is also dirty and smelly - I couldn't bear it any more.

Now she's gone outside to run off her anger, and I am sitting here wondering why I fucked up so royally. If and how I can ever repair this situation is beyond me.

In a close reading of the text, you'll notice that this is not the first time Throwthricethree has mentioned his peculiar mental hang-up to his wife. The first time, she assured him the hygienic practice did not hurt.

That could have been the end. He could have accepted that. He could have moved on with his life, could have looked away or chosen to take up a hobby—like watching TV, Downton Abbey is particularly engaging—whenever his wife came out of the shower.

Instead, he let the thought fester. Even tried to justify it with some sort of disgusting smegma analogy. Until at long last his dark misgivings bubbled to the top of his subconscious and he convinced himself it would be OK to let them loose. It was not OK. The response in the comments summed up as much, primarily centering on the idea that, "If you don't know where you fucked up, you're pretty dumb."

Someecards has reached out for comment and to find out how and if the situation was resolved, but hasn't heard anything yet. Hopefully, Throwthricethree will manage to clean up the situation in a way his wife doesn't find physically repugnant.

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