Hey, we've all said stupid sh*t, right? Sure! But sometimes you hear someone say something so blisteringly stupid that you just have to share it with others, or in the case, the entire internet.
Redditors came together to share the exact moment that they realized that their significant other was an idiot, totally putting them on blast in the process. Stories of people's girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives proved that stupidity knows no gender, and stupid people are truly everywhere. You may be dating one right now! Heck, you might be the idiot that someone is dating. Let's just hope that you don't find yourself on this list.
1. TheAbyssGazesAlso knows which way the wind blows.
When she told me, quite seriously, that wind is made by trees.
You know, because they sway around which pushes the air around and thus makes wind.
She was not kidding.
2. doglover6969's date is getting reality mixed up with Hogwarts.
We were watching a Nat Geo special on owls and she looks at me and says, "isn't it just incredible that owls used to deliver letters for people?"
3. Maybe Mat145's SO's brain just got waterlogged?
I bought him a new watch and it was water resistant.
I told him I wanted to see him wearing it at the pool when we go do laps. He did two laps, got out, took off his watch and came back to the pool.
I asked him why he took it off. I thought maybe it was uncomfortable.
He told me it was water resistant “up to 100 meters” so he took it off after two 50 meter laps.
4. kittycatss' husband is a dirty, dirty boy.
My husband told me that he never slept in hotel sheets because they "never washed them". So instead, he would wrap himself up in the comforter and sleep in that. The big fluffy comforter...
5. FrankDrebin72 offered a two-for-one special:
My wife spent two hours installing a wireless printer because she didn't plug it in. "But it's wireless!"
She also cashed a check and when they asked if she wanted big or small bills she said regular size.
Both stories are absolutely true, and I'm so goddamned happy I married a living dad joke. (She's definitely no idiot though)
6. the_quiet_coyote's wife had an egg-cellent misconception about eggs.
I love my wife, and am so glad I get to tell this story.
We were talking about eating better, and the food pyramid, and how thats what they use to teach us in school. We arrive at things we like to eat, and where it falls in the food groups, and the conversation goes like this:
Her: "I love eggs, I'm glad that the veggies section was always so big"
Me: "Wait... what? Veggies? What?"
Her: "Actually... what are eggs anyway? They're... vegetables right? Yeah they are vegetables."
This woman has a Masters Degree.
7. NotFallingInTheTrap's story leaves us scratching our heads...and ears.
Oh boy, I'm almost glad I'm late to this thread because this one is very embarrassing.
She believed people were able to breath with their ears underwater, but you had to train very hard and that's why almost no one did it. That's why there's people who can last very long underwater.
Swear she is a completely functioning human being.
8. haylestotheyeah changed her boyfriend's life with the click of several buttons.
My boyfriend insisted that cooking certain things in the microwave was a hassle since you had to "stop them early" because the microwave only cooked in 30-second increments. I'm not sure what he thought all the numbers were for, but his life changed that day.
9. At least suprasuperior's wife was able to catch her stupid in the moment.
Was watching NASCAR with my wife and stepfather, she sat there mesmerized and said "imagine if we had this but with people.." and followed that quietly with "oh my fucking god, track...."
10. Apparently dilfhunter666 is an 'arrogant bitch' for understanding geography!
He told me there was a giant tsunami rolling in. We live in Arizona.
Edit: This story is about an ex. He was dead serious when he said tsunami. I googled the definition of tsunami and told him what it was and he proceeded to call me an arrogant bitch.
11. PenguinCarnage's story....well...what? How?
When she insisted that Kim Jong Un was the leader of North Carolina
12. Hey, at least lakebythesea's husband didn't think the moon was made out of cheese.
When he saw the moon during the day, "It's not the moon. It's a reflection of the moon."
Edit: Thanks for all the comments and up votes! My VERY intelligent husband said this 7 years ago. I do believe he somehow misunderstood the sun's light reflecting off the moon and never questioned it. He understands space very well now. Yes, everything we see is because light is reflecting off it, but that's not what he meant at the time. I finally told him about this post when it ended up on college humor. He doesn't think it's as funny as I do ? He's also a huge Star Wars fan. "That's no moon..."
And we are located in city with 100% total solar eclipse view tomorrow! Woo!
13. Cheeseballfairy's SO clearly didn't think this one through...
When he gorilla glued his bathroom door shut to see if he could break it down. He couldn't.
14. RS994 had to explain that wood can't melt to a grown adult.
She told me to take the wooden spoon out of the pot of pasta because it would melt it.
She has had a few moments like these.
15. evil-exgirlfriend's story is as disgusting as it is stupid.
My ex-boyfriend somehow dwindled down his boxer brief count to two, and instead of buying more like a human adult with basic common sense, or at least, you know, WASHING his two remaining pairs of preferred underwear, he would slip on a pair of the many loose fitting boxers he owned, and then awkwardly shuffle one of the boxer briefs over said pair, creating a bunched up, sweaty cacophony of sin.
When I asked him what in God's name he was doing that for, he would reply, "I like the way everything is squeezed in."
He continued this cycle for two months.
He rarely washed his underwear, due to the fact that he didn't understand how to operate a washing machine. (Another can of worms.) I broke up with him before he ever got around to buying more boxer briefs, so who knows? Maybe he's still making idiot boxer sandwiches to this day.
Edit: Holy heck! Thank you for both the gold and replies, all who have laughed at my dating perils. Make better decisions than I did!
16. Don't ask KetchupTaco's SO if the chicken or the egg came first...
When she thought giraffes laid eggs.
From there, I would ask about every animal - Egg or No Egg. LITERALLY GOT EVERY ANIMAL WRONG.
EDIT: my favourite response was "If dolphins don't lay eggs, then how do the babies know how to swim right away!?!"
17. beccaaxa's boyfriend made up a stupid word this is sort of genius?
When he straight up thought baby ducks were called quacklings. But to be honest, I actually prefer his version.
18. Us either, mkshades. Us either.
My husband thought New York City was in California and I still can't track the logic there.
19. ImMcL0v1n has a story for your "knowledgement."
She had a Master's Degree in Special Education and legitimately thought the word "Knowledgement" was real. For example, in arguments she would yell "For your knowledgement..."
20. shitterplug never knew their SO could be so clucking clueless.
She was at the store and I remembered I needed some whole chickens for the weekend, so I call her up and ask her to grab a few. Over the phone she says "the big kind or the little kind?" "I dunno, the largest you can find, it doesn't really matter". She shows up at the house with two 25 pound turkeys. Her entire life she believed turkeys were just larger chickens.
21. blackpuppy9 insists that their boyfriend is not an idiot, he just thinks like one.
He's not an idiot and I love him to death but he thought Chicago and basically every major city, was a state.
If you see this I love you
22. Lampshade401 knows someone thinks that Trump lives in a remote city away from all other Americans. He wishes.
I've posted this before, but it's my favorite story.
In the middle of a conversation that was referencing Washington DC, he angrily stated that what I was saying was impossible, because people don't live in Washington DC.
I stopped, wait what?
"No one lives in Washington DC, they aren't allowed."
Are you serious?
"Yeah, only the President and the secret service live there, in the White House."
He was 26.
23. Squiddlywinks's SO was just following the rules, OKAY?
We were putting away the groceries when I see her take a new jar of salsa, open it, and put it in the fridge. I asked her why she did that and she said:
"It says right on the jar to refrigerate after opening."
I swear, she's smart as a whip most of the time.
24. straytjacquet's story proves that you can be smart academically, but still be really dumb.
We had just started dating and she was going to pick me up near a bus station in a parking lot. I see her driving up so I hop in. Then I notice she's looking side to side, kind of confused. So I ask what's the matter?
And I shit you not, she says "I know I left my car here somewhere...", she says this with both hands on the steering wheel, operating a moving vehicle. God bless her.
She was one of those people who really excels academically, but has 0 common sense or basic awareness. I suspect she's a professor of some highly technical field now.
Hey, sorry if you are on this list. But look at the bright side, you found someone to love you no matter how stupid you are! Yay!