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TimeOut New York magazine has a feature called "The Undateables," where each week they take two people who think they're totally undateable, and set them up on a date. Because nothing increases the likelihood of a blind date going well than two people who swear they have dating issues.

This week, they set up Alyssa, 24, with Billy, also 24, both of whom are attractive humans with roughly symmetrical features and no noticeable open sores or wounds. TimeOut asks them each to explain why it is they think they're single. Alyssa says she's "picky" and "has trouble finding someone with a good sense of humor" (ugh, if only men were funny); Billy blames his "busy schedule" and claims "it takes more than just a beautiful woman to turn his head." He doesn't elaborate on what it does take to turn his head—a really big dog? A car accident? A beautiful woman who also happens to be carrying her framed law degree with her as she strolls through the park?

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So Alyssa and Billy go on their date, and afterwards, they dish (separately) to TimeOut how it went. Alyssa said Billy was "nice and charming," while Billy described Alyssa as "5 minutes late." He also claimed he knew "she didn't have the goods" as soon as she walked into the room. Billy sounds like a real catch, ladies!

As for their chemistry, Alyssa said Billy did most of the talking (surprise!), while Billy said, “Whether I was attracted to her or not, I still had to sit there for two hours and be a gentlemen [sic]." I'm going to interpret that as him saying he was not attracted to her. Hopefully it wasn't too difficult for him to not be a complete jerk for two whole hours.

But here's where things went totally off the rails in Billy's mind. He explains, “She ordered her filet mignon well done. The waiter just looked at me, and I looked at the waiter. I was like, ‘Live your life, but this is not Outback Steakhouse, girl.’ ”

Can you imagine? If there's anything that can ruin a perfectly good relationship, Billy knows it's a steak order of which he disapproves. Alyssa's just lucky she didn't order a salad with ranch dressing, because that would have been it. Billy probably would have dumped the salad on her head and stormed out of the restaurant, leaving Alyssa with the bill.

HERE'S THE KICKER, THOUGH: According to Alyssa, she ordered the steak the way that Billy and the waiter told her to. Wow. WOW.

(If you look at the bottom of the page, where they describe the restaurant, you can see where Alyssa says she ordered the "Greenwich Breakfast, with the filet mignon cooked per the instructions of Billy and the waiter.")

People online were generally unimpressed with Billy's condescending steakitude.

Billy might want to add a few more things to his list of why he's undateable, like, "judgmental," "patronizing," and "all around awful." I'm just trying to be helpful!