We asked comedians for the worst DTR (define the relationship) conversations they ever had.

We asked comedians for the worst DTR (define the relationship) conversations they ever had.
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No matter how valiantly you try to never, ever talk about the status of your relationship with the person you're dating, there inevitably comes a time when you have to face the DTR.

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A DTR (aka "define the relationship" discussion) can leave you with clarity, a partner, or tears quietly streaming down your face on the subway ride home. Even all three! We asked our writers and contributors to share the worst DTRs they've ever had, so you can relate and/or feel better about your own life.

"Every day for four months, I had a DTR with the girl I was sleeping with asking her to split up with her current boyfriend. She eventually did. We dated for two years, then she left me for my roommate. Am I doing this right?" - Dan Wilbur, @DanWilbur

"Me: 'Do you want to move in together?' Him: 'I like keeping relationships at the place this one is now.'" - Meg Favreau, @megfavreau

"In high school, a girl who had rejected me years earlier called late at night to say she had changed her mind. She asked me to meet up in a nearby parking lot, where she said she wanted to be my girlfriend. We started kissing and she immediately broke down in tears. Then she got in her car and drove off without explaining, leaving me to walk home. When I got back, I called to find out what happened and she was already asleep. She never called me again." - Matt Nedostup, @mattnedostup

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"On my birthday, we snuck into my room to mess around, away from the party. He went down on me, started crying, said he loved me, threw up in a plastic bag, then snuck out of the room, with the bag. We never spoke about it again." - Aimee Lutkin, @alutkin

"I once fell asleep in the middle of a DTR talk. This girl was telling me she had hooked up with another guy on our trip and wasn't sure if we were exclusive and I woke up to her being really pissed." - Johnny McNulty, @JohnnyMcNulty

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"I asked my date what his expectations were for the movie Django Unchained, but he thought I was asking about his expectations for our relationship. His voice dropped and he said 'Can we not do that?' When I clarified what I was actually asking, he said, 'I love Leonardo DiCaprio.'" - Ariel Karlin, @arielkarlin

"I was making out with a guy I'd met at a bar and he stopped and said, 'If we're going to do this, there's something I want you to know—I huffed a lot of Scotch Guard in high school.' I'm glad he felt brave enough to confess, although maybe he could also have mentioned the herpes." - Jessie Dean Altman, @niccagematch

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"I had been dating a guy for about a month. One night we took Molly and he referred to me as his girlfriend for the first time. I was like 'Hey! You just called me your girlfriend!' which made me happy. He got a horrified look on his face and said, 'Umm, I didn't really mean that. Sorry, I really can't have a girlfriend right now. But let's have fun the rest of the night!' We didn't. Of course I still dated him for 2 months." - Anonymous

"I was dating a guy for a bit. Things were going well, and one night he told me loved me. The very next day, he told me he thought I was more into 'this' than he was. I asked him what gave him that impression since he was the one to say he loved me. His response? 'That's an excellent question.' Thanks! We never spoke again." - Deborah Gross, @convoswithdeb

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"Once I told a guy I loved him and he gave me the thumbs up." - Missy Baker, @themissybaker

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