Advertising

Look, I don't need to tell you that dating is hard. Sometimes dates go well, sometimes they go poorly, sometimes they're just kind of forgettable. But then, there are some dates that are just plain weird. A recent AskReddit thread posed the question, "What was the strangest date you've ever been on?" And holy moly, there were some weird ones. Here are 11 of the craziest stories.

1. blueberryeyes24's date tried to impress her with hot wings. It did not go well.

While I was rebounding from a 5-year relationship, I went on a sort-of date with this weird dude from my community college who kinda stalked me, but was pretty much harmless. We went to buffalo brothers, and he ordered 2 dozen wings with their ludicrous sauce.

If you've never had this sauce, picture the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, and multiply that by 1,000. I sat and stared in horror as he began eating. He had tears, snot, and sweat rolling down his face and dripping onto the table, but I guess in some attempt to impress me, he finished every single wing.

He immediately excused himself to the bathroom and vomited everything up, came out crying, and took me home. He did pay for dinner, though, which was nice. Once we got to my house, he tried to kiss me. Noooooope.

Advertising

2. joceapotamus

Wasn't my date, but I had gone home with a guy I had been seeing and when we got there his roommate was curled in a ball on the couch looking pretty shaken. We asked him what was wrong and it took him awhile to get it out, but he finally told us what happened:

He took a girl home from the bar and they started drunkenly tearing each other's clothes off as soon as they got through his bedroom door. She said she was self-conscious though so she wanted the lights off. He switched them off and they started fooling around. She starts going down on him when all of a sudden, the guy notices this horrible smell. He mentions it but she tells him to just ignore it, he's probably imagining things. Finally the smell is too much so he switches the lights on. That's when he sees it.

Shit. Literal shit all over her and all over the bed. He is completely dumfounded, doesn't know what to say or do so apparently all he yelled was "SHIT!!!!" She grabbed all her clothes and ran out of the apartment crying without saying a word and, presumably, still covered in poop.

He threw his bedding out, took an hour long shower, and refused to go back into his room. Pretty much killed our night too. To this day I still wonder what on earth happened- was she into it and was hoping he would be too? Was it an accident and she decided to just go with it? I don’t know which scenario is more horrifying to be honest.

Advertising

3. AranasLatrain almost got straight up murdered over Donkey Kong.

That one is easy. Met this girl online, and the way the conversations went it was always friendly, getting to know you type banter. After a few online conversations, we meet up at a bar by her. The plans for the evening were to have drinks there then go play Donkey Kong Country at her place. Being the oblivious male I am, I genuinely was excited to play some DKC on Super Nintendo.

We meet up at the bar and things go fine. I wasn't really attracted to her at all, but she was nice and we had an alright time at the bar. So we get back to her place and start watching TV. I look around and don't see a Super Nintendo. Thought maybe it was in her bedroom. I don't mention it because I don't want to be rude. She makes some drinks. We're watching Drunk History, when all of a sudden she looks at me with murder in her eyes "Are we going to stop playing games?!"

I look at her, smiling, trying to play it off, "Do you mean Donkey Kong Country?" She really didn't appreciate that. She scoffs and then proceeds to chide me about how guys are always wanting to play games and want sex. I told her the only game I was wanting to play was DKC. This is when it got weird. She gets up off the couch, calmly, walks to the kitchen and pulls a butcher knife out of somewhere. She just stands in the kitchen, still with the look of murder in her eyes, and stares me down. She doesn't move at all, just staring with the butcher knife at her side. I look back for what feels like a few minutes, and then I jump up and dash for the front door.

I didn't even bother closing the door, behind me I hear the door slam hard, and she's shouting at the top of her lungs, "FUCKING ASSHOLE, PLAYING GAMES, FUCK YOU".

So a night of what I was hoping to be relaxing, friendly conversation, and Donkey Kong Country, turned into my "maybe I could have been murdered" dating story.

TL;DR - Met friendly girl online for drinks and hopefully Donkey Kong. Felt like I was going to be murdered by the end of it.

Advertising

4. mokita_archetypes' date already had their whole future planned out.

This story isn't as strange as some, but it's my strangest. A guy I'd met a few times contacted me asked me on a date. I had never been asked on a date before and accepted despite thinking him a little strange and having heard some odd things about his family.

He picked me up and everything seemed good, we decided to grab a pizza and eat it in a park. When we went to purchase the pizza, it turned out he worked there and had all his co-workers come out to gawk at me. (This guy wasn't very popular with the ladies and seemed to be proving he had a date). I'm bad in social situations and got super uncomfortable, but didn't know how to bail and we went to the park.

It was very awkward and I wanted to go home by the end of it. We mostly just sat in awkward silence and tried not to hear each other chewing. I thought I was going home, but he decided he wanted to stop at his house. I agree because I honestly did not know how to disagree. (First dating experience). His home turned out to be with his parents. (We were both 18-20). This wouldn't have been so bad had they not all ten of his siblings (I don't remember exactly how many siblings he had) and his parents were home and wanted to meet me.

They weren't just a big, nice family, they were very religious and looked like they belonged to a cult. They all had long hair, homemade clothing, they were home-schooled. The mom said hello, then the dad came in and nobody was allowed to say a word while he questioned me on what me and his son had done on our date and when the family would be seeing me again. It was terrifying. My date showed me his pet turtles, which were really cute, and finally drove me home.

He tried to kiss me after making it clear he thought we were in a relationship after one date. At this point I almost ran from the car. I messaged him later on explaining that I was only looking for friends at this point in time.

TL;DR - first date I'd ever been on. Ended up being paraded before the staff at a pizza place and meeting my dates VERY religious family. He thought we were dating by the end of the failed date.

Advertising

5. dafuk_'s date was weird for the most adorably innocent reason. I truly hope they're still friends.

I went on a date with a guy in my apartment block, only to see his disappointed face when my girlfriend called me on the way home. I realised he'd assumed I was gay and that I'd assumed he was just a friendly guy wanted to hang out.

6. Why 208th's date thought sharing this story was a good idea is beyond me.

Matched on tinder with a guy who decided that a great story to tell in detail on our date was about the time he fisted a lady and tore her up so bad inside that she was bleeding profusely and had to go to the hospital to get stitches.

After he was done telling the story, he told me he was glad I told him I was super squeamish, because now he wouldn't try to show me pictures of all the blood he had saved on his phone. He also said he had been on well over 100 tinder dates, and I had managed to land in his top 10.

I never talked to him again.

Advertising

7. I can't believe bitterbillsfan didn't stay to find out where the bear came from.

It's 2001, so VHS & chill at this girl's dorm room.

My first time over there, and there is this giant bear on the bed. Like, got the softball in the milk jug at the carnival first try tier bear. It occupies 50% of the surface area.

I say "whoa, how'd you score that bear?"

Her: "I don't know..."

Me: "Wot?"

Her: "I don't know"

A few minutes go by.

Me: "You don't know?"

Her: "Yeah."

Me: "Ok, look. It's ok if it's from an ex. I don't care if you stole it. I'll believe almost anything you tell me at this point. But there is no way in hell you're going to tell me you don't know where that giant bear is from. I had a stuffed dinosaur 1/4 that size that I got when I was 6 and I could tell you every detail about how I got it."

Her: "Well good for you. But I don't know how I got it. Are you going to be able to let this go?"

Me: (looks at bear, bear stares back, eyes full of secrets) "I don't think I can" (walk out)

Advertising

8. Am I weird for thinking this story about i7xx and his date making friends with someone who's likely a criminal is nice?

Well, this one time I took my date to dinner at (what seemed to be) a front for some type of illicit activity.

We had just moved to a new area, and we wanted to check out the local shops and restaurants. While we were wandering, we stumbled into a tiny Italian place. Back home, the small hole-in-the-wall restaurants always have the best food, so we were excited to give it a shot. Big curtains were covering the entry windows, so we had no idea what was inside until we trudged through the door.

Inside, we were met with emptiness and silence. We both immediately thought the store was closed, and I spun around and searched for the store hours posted somewhere on the door. While I was looking, we heard a heavy THUD as a young woman barked "I'll be right with you!"

She appeared, greeted us confusingly, and asked us 'what she could do for us'. Which, looking back, is probably a red flag. But we were naive and hungry, so we said we were there for dinner. She looked puzzled, but motioned us to follow her to a booth right by the entrance.

She then disappeared into the back, and we heard a muffled conversation between our hostess and a man. The consensus was basically they were not prepared for us, or didn't know how to proceed. I asked my date if she wanted to split, but she insisted we stay for the story.

The square shaped balding man burst through the kitchen door with two glasses of water for us, and in a very loud and deep voice he explained that it was his birthday, and we would eat what he felt like making us. We whole-heartedly agreed.

We waited around thirty minutes, and he again returned with three large bowls of spaghetti and meat sauce. He placed two bowls in front of us, and one next to me for himself. He sat with us and ate. We had light and awkward conversation with him during, and he kept asking us jokingly if we were cops or with the health board. He was incredibly nervous about us, so my date kept cracking corny puns or awful jokes because he would foricbly laugh at anything designed with humor. We talked about our lives, the cities we've lived in, our pets (he had a teacup Chihuahua named Princess) and his wife.

He decided we were good people, and didn't change us for the meal. We wished him a happy birthday, he hugged us, and we went on our way. Easily the best spaghetti I've ever had in my life. The restaurant, unfortunately, no longer exists.

Advertising

9. smittenkitten97's date story goes from bad to batshit crazy in about 2 seconds.

Meet a guy online. He asks me to dinner at a tapas place, I agree because I'm bored and he seems nice enough; we'd been texting for a couple weeks and it seemed chill. I get there and he's late to meet me. Looks nothing like his profile (about 100 lbs heavier, bad skin, and is just dressed really sloppily) but I told myself not to be shallow. We are looking over the menu (which was fantastic btw) and I suggest a few things I'd like to eat and he begins saying he doesn't eat sweet potatoes, aioli, capers, salmon, radish, arugula, kale, balsamic vinegar, etc.--basically all ingredients except for bread, meat, and cheese--and that he won't eat any food if that's what I tell him to get what he wants then and I'll get something for myself. We get our food and he is the messiest eater I've seen in my life, getting crumbs and food bits all over his shirt and the whole table and it was just painful to watch. He also kept insisting I try his food, but I'm pescatarian and lactose intolerant so I declined, at which he began berating me and my food choices and being a "picky eater". They clear our table for dessert and he then gets down on one knee and tries to give me a promise ring because he "felt a special bond with me and wanted to pledge his life to me" after having met online a few weeks before. Yeah, no thanks. Politely as I could, I declined, to which he started calling me expletives in the middle of the restaurant and then ugly crying and stormed out. So I had to pay for the terrible date HE asked ME on because I didn't want to accept a pre-engagement ring. TL;DR guy I met online turns out to be really odd and throws a hissy fit when I refuse to wear a promise ring he bought

Advertising

When another Reddit user pointed out that it sounded like the guy was just scamming smittenkitten97 for a free meal, she provided this horrifying update:

No, he called me 47 times that night leaving apologetic voicemails of him crying on the phone (I didn't pick up) and after several days of this I blocked him

10. 420ZeusNoScope literally climbed a tree to get away from his date.

Went on a date with a girl who ended up being much weirder than I thought. If I started walking away from her she'd grab my arm crazy tight and pull me closer. There was a few minutes where I actually climbed a tree to get away for a moment. I'm talking like no branches, straight up, sitting on a branch stump, tree. There was a point where I went to move away from her as she was getting awkwardly close and she dug her wrist into my arm and actually cut me with her nails.
Thinking back, I really should have just left earlier, but I was 16 and clueless so for some reason I stayed.
Anyway, I ended up being backed into a tree and tossed off for a while. Didn't really want to stop her. If she cuts me up when I'm move away from her, I can't imagine what she'd do with my junk in her hand. It was a weird day for me.

Advertising

11. kalvinbastello should get an award just for the TL;DR at the end.

Met a girl online, talked it up, and while she seemed a bit immature, thought heck, why not? She casually mentioned she really liked pigs. What she meant to say was she was obsessed with pigs. OBSESSED.

Go to one of the best restaurants in the area for a first date (bad idea). Sometimes pictures are from someone 10 years prior, or the person hides things, etc. But that wasn't the problem. She looked just like her pictures. But I didn't even have to have seen her first, because everything else gave it away.

She came in a giant T-shirt that had a sparkly pink pig on it. Earrings? Pig earrings. Bracelets? Yep, pig bracelets--I swear her dad might have been Homer Simpson. She had this headband on with a little pig on it. Her shoes? Yep, pigs on the front of the toes! But best of all? She had a GIANT (or at least it seemed giant) pink purse with the face of a pig on it.

You could not stop seeing it once you did. And I'm sure everyone else in this nicer/classier restaurant saw it too. I felt overdressed with her but under-dressed with every other couple there. It was beyond embarrassing. For some reason which I have to convince myself was politeness not stupidity, we still had dinner. But Reddit, it was the fastest damn dinner I've ever had at a sitdown place.

I practically blurted out something about how "oh, you really do like pigs..." which she started giggling (oinking?) and going on about how everything she has is pig themed. Then she wouldn't stop, and it became the dominant part of the conversation. There were a dozen other things that made it a train-wreck, but these were the clinchers to a solid 0/5 date. I remember afterwards consoling with a friend of a friend, because I had to tell someone; and then I promptly buried this as my worst date.

TL;DR: Girl was obsessed with pigs but ironically no porking at end.

Advertising

Bet you're not so bummed that you haven't been on a date in a while now, huh? Be careful out there.