True love is when you hear your partner confess to being a vicious murderer while talking in their sleep, and you still stay with them. Apparently, one of the hottest topics on Reddit is people sharing the strange things their partners have said while asleep. The following stories are taken from some of the most popular submissions on Reddit's many, many threads over the past year.
1. It's shocking to hear Grimm6589 or anyone complain about receiving a million dollars, but what he plans to do with the money is adorable.
According to my wife: I woke up abruptly at around 1:30am, sat up and looked her dead in the eye and yelled "WHAT WOULD WE EVEN DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS??!!" around 2 minutes later I mumbled, seemingly to myself "...we could raise feral cats..."
2. Tasty breadsticks will get ya, TornadoApe. But don't get too excited about it or you'll pee on your girlfriend.
For me it was randomly nudging my girlfriend and talking about going to Olive Garden at 4:30 in the morning. For her it was frantically waking me up at 2 am making sure I peed before I went to bed. She was so concerned. Neither of us remember either.
3. NachoQueen_'s employer should pay her overtime for bringing her work home. And her should pay her boyfriend for being an employee in her nightmare.
In my sleep I yelled at my boyfriend for closing the door then got out of bed and opened the door and told him "the customers need to get in!" 12 hour shifts in retail were too much for me.
4. DallasITGuy's wife realized that her husband needs to eat his vegetables more than he needs his sleep.
My wife tells me that back when we were in college I once woke her up saying, "Tell the boys with the celery to head on back to the ranch!".
When she asked what I meant I apparently said, "Shhsh! I'm sleeping!"
5. This ridiculously hilarious story may have been the reason for InvaderDem and his ex's split.
My ex said that one night I started mumbling in my sleep. She asked for some clarification and I mumbled again, somewhat irritated. She once again asked for clarification and I apparently sat up, looked her straight in the eyes and said "Eat the Child" and went back to sleep.
6. utulien's wife needs a wall more than The Donald does.
Probably the best my wife came out with: Give me my fucking wall back! Apparently I just chuckle evilly from time to time.
7. After hearing weird_in_chicago's story, you (and his wife) will probably want to know what planet he comes from.
My wife says I talk in my sleep. She says that over the years I've said some of the strangest things she's ever heard in her life.
"You just love me for my space potato."
"Stop setting me on fire."
"Why do you keep parking up the tree."
"Why don't lizards have nipples."
I know I had to be the one to say those things because she can't be that demented.
8. cdskip knows that he should never mess with a hardworking woman, especially in her sleep.
My wife had one while she was writing her PhD thesis, where I woke up to her stroking the duvet with a beatific smile on her face. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Be careful, don't disturb my data. It's perfect."
I wasn't sure what to say, so I eventually settled for "Honey, that's not your data, that's the duvet."
Her smile drained away, and she started sobbing uncontrollably. I felt like history's greatest monster.
The sobbing lasted for about five seconds, and then she was fast asleep again, leaving me feeling guilty and confused.
9. Everywhereasign learned something about his girlfriend by doing something illegal and terrible to his girlfriend.
I once snuck into my girlfriend's apt during the night to surprise her. My plan was to gently wake her and then climb into bed. She wasn't expecting me, and half asleep/half terrified screamed "Oh Shit, Oh Fuck!" For about 3 minutes solid while I tried to calm her down. Turns out she had recurring nightmares about someone breaking into her place. My bad.
10. whirledpeasplease's boyfriend is probably a world-renowned male porn star in the land of NSFW dreams.
I didn't do this, boyfriend did, I wake up one night because he was rolling over towards me (I'm a light sleeper) and still asleep, he found my boob, found the nipple, and wrapped his mouth around it and sucked, hard. I was too shocked to do anything, then he stopped, rolled back over and started snoring. He doesn't remember doing this. Was kinda hot actually.
11. Fortunately, my_work_acccnt is only talking about junk food, and not actual children, in his sleep.
Apparently while asleep, I gave a vocal recount of the Great Dorito's Massacre. My ex said I was talking in my sleep about how Dorito warriors had come to destroy my villiage (sic), but I had risen to defend my land and proudly exclaimed I had killed all the Doritos and hunted them to extinguish their familial roots...my ex then asks to a still asleep me if I'm sure I killed them all, like even the children. I'm still asleep and go "gasp the Cheetos!" and promptly roll over, stop talking and enter deep sleep....to presumably kill the children Cheetos.
It's been awhile, but I think she said she heard me giggling for like the next 10 minutes...I might be a serial killer.
12. kendric2000's dream is a valid excuse for anyone who's tired of being asked, "What do you want for dinner?"
My Wife: "You want spaghetti for dinner tomorrow?"
My very serious sleep response: "I can't do that right now, I have too many books out on the market."
Evidently in my dreams I'm a best selling author....lol.
13. butts-ahoy is living out Dexter fantasies in his dream. His wife is probably sleeping in another room these days.
According to my wife, I rolled over one night and said "I'm going to kill you", then a few minutes later started laughing in a very fake, deliberate way "ha. ha. ha."
I also tend to sleep with my eyes open. I'm glad I don't share a bed with me.
14. gottagetthere's girlfriend and the man in #13 would make a killer couple.
My sleep-talking girlfriend who normally would say innocent things like "I'm so hungry" or "Where's the elevator" in her sleep is now saying thinks like "I'm gonna murder them all +creepy laugh" and "Kill everyone". Should I be concerned about her mental health/my safety, or is she just having bad dreams?
15. PineappleCherry gave her husband a Christmas present he will never forget.
I sat up in my bed still sound asleep, cocked my arm back, and punched my husband right in the chest. It wasn't a hard punch at all and I woke up mid swing unable to stop it at that point. He had a good laugh about it, and it ended up happening a 2nd time a few months later too, on Christmas morning.
16. magdasmash admits that her husband is a true gentle giant.
One time my husband bolted upright in bed just as I was drifting off. He started pulling the curtains down yelling "Oh God, the bees!" He is 6'4" and I'm, well, not. Terrified the shit out of me.
17. If this had continued, KwisatzHaterach would probably have had to contact Dr. Phil for marriage advice. Or not.
My husband was quietly getting ready for work at 5am while I was sleeping in the bed when I suddenly say, "It's too bad he's married."
Amused and now curious my husband decided to asked me, "too bad who's married?"
To which I apparently sighed heavily and said, "Dr. Phil."
He still teases me about it. He like to call me into the room if the show is on so I can "see my lover."
18. Accidentsmakeppl should change his username to "Accidentsdontmakeppl."
I proposed to my girlfriend over skype. She realized what was happening and told me to go back to sleep.
19. Apparently, cward7's girlfriend has never seen this adorable panda video.
I’m sitting next to my girlfriend in bed just now at about an , when she starts talking in her sleep, and all I hear is "Fuckin' pandas everywhere!! You look away for....one second and there are 50 pandas all over the fuckin' place!!"
And I'm fuckin' losin' it here. I can't fuckin' handle this shit.