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A Brooklyn woman who has recently been wrung through the NYC dating cycle just wrote a very convincing closing argument as to why no one should ever date a corporate lawyer. In addition to selling off his parting gift on Craigslist, she wrote a ten paragraph treatise that is one part poetry to five parts airing dirty laundry.

It is so much easier to find juice in NYC than it is to find a decent boyfriend.
It is so much easier to find juice in NYC than it is to find a decent boyfriend.

Never date a corporate lawyer. Here's how it goes. You match him on Tinder and give him a chance even though he ghosted you after one date. You never get an explanation for this beyond "I was looking for something specific," which sounds like another lawyer or some Woody Allenesque waif-bot, but most Brooklyn dudes want that, so fuck it. He has nice hair. He apologizes, claims to hate True Detective, and laughs at all your jokes.

He's kind. Not like other corporate lawyers, you tell your friends, who smile painfully. He wants to leave Wappen & Kladden! He has values! He's sensitive! You've never been happier, and he says he's never been happier, and for the first time, you know you're in love.