Marriage

<p>The &quot;Am I The A**hole?&quot; community on Reddit is a place where people go seeking answers to complex moral dilemmas by asking total strangers to judge their character. But sometimes these dilemmas are not-so-complex. This story, about a woman whose friend booted her from her bridal party after she refused to wear a wig, is one of those cases where it&#39;s pretty clear right-off-the-bat who the a**hole is.</p><h2>The woman <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/cvruzu/i_think_i_was_kicked_off_the_bridal_party_for/" target="_blank">explains</a> that she went through chemotherapy in the past year, and lost her hair. Her &quot;friend,&quot; who she calls &quot;Karen,&quot; asked her to be bridesmaid in her wedding, prior to her diagnosis and treatment.</h2><blockquote> <p>This is a throw away account because the bride follows me on reddit and I&#39;m still a little confused about the whole situation. I am very good friends with the bride to be, lets call her Karen for simplicity. She got engaged about 1.5 years ago and immediately asked me to be a bridesmaid which I was thrilled about (she was my maid of honor for context). To make a long story short I got some real bad news in the past year and had to undergo radiation and chemotherapy. I don&#39;t want to go into details about this because its still very traumatic for me.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>For the most part, she says Karen has been &quot;supportive&quot; throughout her illness and recovery.</h2><blockquote> <p>My hair fell out and I am recovering but my hair is still very short. I have also been very active in the survivor community and have been involved in fund raising and public speaking.Karen has been super supportive through all of this. She is a nurse and it has been nice to have someone with medical background to chat about some of this issues about this.</p> </blockquote><h2>Recently, Karen took her to a hair salon that specializes in wigs, even though Karen knows that her friend has been involved in doing work to fight the shame and stigma associated with hair loss.</h2><p>This was a real dick move, Karen.</p><blockquote> <p>About 2 weeks ago Karen called me and told me she was going to take me out to celebrate my remission and end of treatment and had a special surprise for me. I agree and we meet up. We go to a spa which was super nice and enjoy some skin treatments, massages, and general pampering. At the end of the day she takes me to a special hair salon which specializes in high quality wigs. I am a little taken aback by this because Karen knows that a lot of the work I have been involves psychological treatment in cancer patients and avoiding the shame associated with hair loss for instance.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The woman suffered through the experience but politely declined to pick out a wig for Karen&#39;s wedding.</h2><blockquote> <p>I politely go through the appointment and even try on some wigs although I was quite upset honestly. I politely decline when she offers to pick one out and try to forget the whole ordeal.</p> </blockquote><p>If you don&#39;t already hate Karen, and you should, you&#39;re about to.</p><h2>After the wig outing, the woman received a call from Karen saying she is no longer part of the bridal party. She was &quot;completely floored&quot; because of her closeness with Karen.</h2><blockquote> <p>So she calls me yesterday and tells me that I can&#39;t be in the bridal party any longer because the minister stated there are too many people in the bridal party. This completely floors me because basically I am her number 2 girl after her sister (who she barely gets a long with).</p> </blockquote><h2>The woman reached out to the other bridesmaids, who &quot;hinted&quot; that she was asked to leave the bridal party because Karen was &quot;worried&quot; about how her bald head would look in her wedding photos.</h2><blockquote> <p>I call around and it although some of the other bridesmaids are reluctant to tell me anything hint at the fact that Karen was worried about how the pictures are going to look with someone with a bald head. I was so upset, I tried to call her but she did not respond. I am thinking I am may not go to the wedding but want to make sure I am not overthinking this. Her wedding is in 2 weeks.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>GO TO HELL, KAREN.</p><h2>The woman finally was able to get in touch with Karen, who once again blamed the minister. She also accused her friend of being &quot;really distant&quot; over the past year (umm SHE HAD CANCER, KAREN) and &quot;not being a team player (CANCER, KAREN!!!!!).</h2><blockquote> <p>I finally got ahold of Karen. She told me that it was definitely not because of my hair but because the minister was adamant that six maid of honors was too many. She went on to say that I have been really distant the past year and that I didn&rsquo;t seem interested in helping her with the wedding which is why she decided to select me to be off the wedding party. She said she helped me a lot and that I&rsquo;m not returning the favor by being a team player. She said that she knows I am going through a lot but that my personality &ldquo;has changed&rdquo; and that I&rsquo;m not the friend she knows from childhood.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I&rsquo;m still conflicted but she brought up the wig again almost like if I wear it I can be back on the team. She didn&rsquo;t actually say that but kind of a weird feeling I got. I think I&rsquo;m done with her and I don&rsquo;t think I can bring myself to go to the wedding. I thought she was a different person then a self interested bride. Thanks for all the support. I don&rsquo;t want to shame her or anything because that&rsquo;s not the kind of person I am.</p> </blockquote><p>The woman says she is &quot;conflicted&quot; but thinks she&#39;s &quot;done&quot; with Karen, and, if I have not made this clear, I think she should kick Karen to the curb like hot garbage and move on with her life. Because as if coping with cancer isn&#39;t hard enough, she now also has to cope with Karen, who is basically human cancer.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>People on Reddit seem to wholeheartedly agree that Karen kicking her out of the bridal party for her refusal to wear a wig is all kinds of horrible.</h2><h2>GOOD JOB, REDDIT.</h2><p> </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/littlebopper2015/">littlebopper2015</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>Holy shit. I really hope there&rsquo;s some other reason because kicking someone off the bridal party for that is horribly callous and shallow.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/michelle0686/">michelle0686</a> adds:</p><blockquote> <p>Wow that&rsquo;s horrendous! I hate the fact bridesmaids are to some extent by some brides treated like props for photographs rather than what they should be. Which is as far as I&rsquo;m concerned the brides closest most important friends and loved ones, to stand with them in support of the bride.</p> <p>Congratulations on you remission. Focus on your self and what makes you happy. Don&rsquo;t let her bring you down with her attitude. I&rsquo;d definitely be considering not attending the wedding and ending the friendship because she&rsquo;s just being horrible and treating people like props</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ObscureYak/">ObscureYak</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>Oh my god. I think brides like this ought to just cancel their weddings and host fancy photo shoots instead. It&#39;s all about the pictures for them. To hell with friends, family, the comfort of guests, etc. OP, so sorry you are going through so much. It sucks to lose a friend. But then again, she doesn&#39;t really seem like a friend at this point. The phrase, &quot;when people show you who they are, believe them&quot; comes to mind.</p> </blockquote><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/OOOtOOOt/">OOOtOOOt</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>Wig shopping after cancer treatment seems like something super personal to me. I think Karen should have discussed this with you, before she took you to this shop and tried to buy you a wig. She crossed a boundary here by trying to change your look and your body, when you&#39;ve just been through an experience where you didn&#39;t have control over your own body. Does that make sense?</p> <p>I think Karen realizes that it would be wrong to force you to wear a wig on her wedding day. This is why she is giving you this frankly ridiculous excuse why you can&#39;t be in the wedding party, and you&#39;re completely right to feel hurt. You should talk with her about this, since this changes the dynamics of your friendship. I personally don&#39;t think it would be out of bounds for you to end the relatinship over something so hurtful.</p> <p>You seem like a lovely person, I really wish you the best no matter how this situation turns out.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>This proves yet again that the court of public opinion (at least in this particular online community) is usually on the right side of history.</p><p>Also, just one last time for good measure: KAREN, IF YOU&#39;RE READING THIS, YOU SUCK BALLS.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman with cancer kicked out of wedding party after refusing bride's request she wear wig to wedding.

The &quot;Am I The A**hole?&quot; community on Reddit is a place where people go seeking answers to complex moral dilemmas by asking total strangers to judge their character. But sometimes these dilemmas are not-so-complex. This story, about a woman whose friend booted her from her bridal party after she refused to wear a wig, is one of those cases where it&#39;s pretty clear right-off-the-bat who the a**hole is.The woman explains that she went through chemotherapy in the past year, and lost her hair. Her &quot;friend,&quot; who she calls &quot;Karen,&quot; asked her to be bridesmaid in her wedding, prior to her diagnosis and treatment. This is a throw away account because the bride follows me on reddit and I&#39;m still a little confused about the whole situation. I am very good friends with the bride to be, lets call her Karen for simplicity. She got engaged about 1.5 years ago and immediately asked me to be a bridesmaid which I was thrilled about (she was my maid of honor for context). To make a long story short I got some real bad news in the past year and had to undergo radiation and chemotherapy. I don&#39;t want to go into details about this because its still very traumatic for me. For the most part, she says Karen has been &quot;supportive&quot; throughout her illness and recovery. My hair fell out and I am recovering but my hair is still very short. I have also been very active in the survivor community and have been involved in fund raising and public speaking.Karen has been super supportive through all of this. She is a nurse and it has been nice to have someone with medical background to chat about some of this issues about this. Recently, Karen took her to a hair salon that specializes in wigs, even though Karen knows that her friend has been involved in doing work to fight the shame and stigma associated with hair loss.This was a real dick move, Karen. About 2 weeks ago Karen called me and told me she was going to take me out to celebrate my remission and end of treatment and had a special surprise for me. I agree and we meet up. We go to a spa which was super nice and enjoy some skin treatments, massages, and general pampering. At the end of the day she takes me to a special hair salon which specializes in high quality wigs. I am a little taken aback by this because Karen knows that a lot of the work I have been involves psychological treatment in cancer patients and avoiding the shame associated with hair loss for instance. The woman suffered through the experience but politely declined to pick out a wig for Karen&#39;s wedding. I politely go through the appointment and even try on some wigs although I was quite upset honestly. I politely decline when she offers to pick one out and try to forget the whole ordeal. If you don&#39;t already hate Karen, and you should, you&#39;re about to.After the wig outing, the woman received a call from Karen saying she is no longer part of the bridal party. She was &quot;completely floored&quot; because of her closeness with Karen. So she calls me yesterday and tells me that I can&#39;t be in the bridal party any longer because the minister stated there are too many people in the bridal party. This completely floors me because basically I am her number 2 girl after her sister (who she barely gets a long with). The woman reached out to the other bridesmaids, who &quot;hinted&quot; that she was asked to leave the bridal party because Karen was &quot;worried&quot; about how her bald head would look in her wedding photos. I call around and it although some of the other bridesmaids are reluctant to tell me anything hint at the fact that Karen was worried about how the pictures are going to look with someone with a bald head. I was so upset, I tried to call her but she did not respond. I am thinking I am may not go to the wedding but want to make sure I am not overthinking this. Her wedding is in 2 weeks. GO TO HELL, KAREN.The woman finally was able to get in touch with Karen, who once again blamed the minister. She also accused her friend of being &quot;really distant&quot; over the past year (umm SHE HAD CANCER, KAREN) and &quot;not being a team player (CANCER, KAREN!!!!!). I finally got ahold of Karen. She told me that it was definitely not because of my hair but because the minister was adamant that six maid of honors was too many. She went on to say that I have been really distant the past year and that I didn&rsquo;t seem interested in helping her with the wedding which is why she decided to select me to be off the wedding party. She said she helped me a lot and that I&rsquo;m not returning the favor by being a team player. She said that she knows I am going through a lot but that my personality &ldquo;has changed&rdquo; and that I&rsquo;m not the friend she knows from childhood.   I&rsquo;m still conflicted but she brought up the wig again almost like if I wear it I can be back on the team. She didn&rsquo;t actually say that but kind of a weird feeling I got. I think I&rsquo;m done with her and I don&rsquo;t think I can bring myself to go to the wedding. I thought she was a different person then a self interested bride. Thanks for all the support. I don&rsquo;t want to shame her or anything because that&rsquo;s not the kind of person I am. The woman says she is &quot;conflicted&quot; but thinks she&#39;s &quot;done&quot; with Karen, and, if I have not made this clear, I think she should kick Karen to the curb like hot garbage and move on with her life. Because as if coping with cancer isn&#39;t hard enough, she now also has to cope with Karen, who is basically human cancer.People on Reddit seem to wholeheartedly agree that Karen kicking her out of the bridal party for her refusal to wear a wig is all kinds of horrible.GOOD JOB, REDDIT. littlebopper2015 writes: Holy shit. I really hope there&rsquo;s some other reason because kicking someone off the bridal party for that is horribly callous and shallow. michelle0686 adds: Wow that&rsquo;s horrendous! I hate the fact bridesmaids are to some extent by some brides treated like props for photographs rather than what they should be. Which is as far as I&rsquo;m concerned the brides closest most important friends and loved ones, to stand with them in support of the bride. Congratulations on you remission. Focus on your self and what makes you happy. Don&rsquo;t let her bring you down with her attitude. I&rsquo;d definitely be considering not attending the wedding and ending the friendship because she&rsquo;s just being horrible and treating people like props ObscureYak writes: Oh my god. I think brides like this ought to just cancel their weddings and host fancy photo shoots instead. It&#39;s all about the pictures for them. To hell with friends, family, the comfort of guests, etc. OP, so sorry you are going through so much. It sucks to lose a friend. But then again, she doesn&#39;t really seem like a friend at this point. The phrase, &quot;when people show you who they are, believe them&quot; comes to mind. And OOOtOOOt writes: Wig shopping after cancer treatment seems like something super personal to me. I think Karen should have discussed this with you, before she took you to this shop and tried to buy you a wig. She crossed a boundary here by trying to change your look and your body, when you&#39;ve just been through an experience where you didn&#39;t have control over your own body. Does that make sense? I think Karen realizes that it would be wrong to force you to wear a wig on her wedding day. This is why she is giving you this frankly ridiculous excuse why you can&#39;t be in the wedding party, and you&#39;re completely right to feel hurt. You should talk with her about this, since this changes the dynamics of your friendship. I personally don&#39;t think it would be out of bounds for you to end the relatinship over something so hurtful. You seem like a lovely person, I really wish you the best no matter how this situation turns out. This proves yet again that the court of public opinion (at least in this particular online community) is usually on the right side of history.Also, just one last time for good measure: KAREN, IF YOU&#39;RE READING THIS, YOU SUCK BALLS.

The &quot;Am I The A**hole?&quot; community on Reddit is a place where people go seeking answers to complex moral dilemmas by asking total strangers to judge their character. But sometimes these dilemmas are not-so-complex. This story,...