Groom ask if he's wrong to cut off musician friend who can't attend his wedding because of work.

So-called "bridezillas" get a bad rap. But grooms are often just as capable of sh*tty, entitled behavior in the lead-up to their wedding. Case-in-point: a soon-to-be groom posted on Reddit asking if he's an a**hole for cutting off his "close" friend when the friend, who is a touring musician, had to miss his wedding because of work. Commenters responded with a resounding: YES.The groom explains that this friend, who he's been close with since high school, is a member of a "pretty mainstream band" that is currently touring.He adds that he is "nothing but happy" for his friend's success, except when that success gets in the way of what HE wants. He writes: This is something I've been thinking about for months now and I need some help. I apologize for how messy all of this is. I have a friend who I've been close with since junior year of high school. He is a musician and a member in a pretty mainstream band and is currently touring. While I've (obviously) seen him less and less over the years due to his success, we do still talk on an occasion and I see him when he's in town. I am honestly nothing but happy for him and I want nothing but the best for him. But I'd also like for him to be a good friend and I feel like that's the exact opposite of what he's doing. The groom is getting married soon and asked his friend to be one of his groomsmen—this was over a year and a half ago. The friend agreed at the time, but then back in May said that he "didn't know" if he'd be able to attend his friend's wedding because of his band touring. I'm getting married in October. I asked my friend shortly after I proposed if he would be one of my groomsmen, and he agreed. Official invitations went out early last month, but my wedding date has been publicly known for over a year and a half due to its significance. He knows and has known the day I'm getting married since then. In mid-May he told me he didn't know if he would be able to be in my wedding because of touring. I was pretty upset then but he said he would try to figure something out. I won't pretend to know how far in advance he would've found this out, but he told me before the tour was officially announced so in my mind I had at least a little hope that he would still be able to be in the wedding. We texted back and forth a few times after that in the weeks following but never about my wedding, and he fell off a bit due to work. Last month, the tour was officially announced and one of the tour dates falls on the groom's wedding day. The groom was "LIVID" (all-caps so you know it's true) and called his friend to "confront" him about it.Seems he basically tried to "push" his friend to try and make the wedding anyway—by changing his tour dates?! Unclear. Either way, the friend got mad and hung up. Then last month the tour was officially announced and my wedding date is one of tour dates. I was LIVID and called him and left a message asking him to call me as soon as he could. He called like two days later and when I confronted him he told me that there was nothing he could do and that this was a sacrifice for both of us. I pushed him more and he got extremely short and shitty with me and said that he "didn't have time or energy to deal with this right now" and hung up. The groom is saying that his biggest problem is his friend not telling him before the tour was officially announced. And he hasn't spoken to him since. To be honest I'm mostly upset that he didn't tell ME before the tour was officially announced that he absolutely 100% would not be able to make it. I texted him a couple weeks ago and asked him one more time if there was ANY way he could still make it and he replied that he was sorry, but no, it just wasn't possible. I haven't spoken to him since. He does on to say that he "understands" how "busy and stressful" his friend's life must be, but also he doesn't, y'know?He thinks his friend should've dropped his career responsibilities to accommodate his wedding—because that's what "friends" do (when they have no boundaries and put other people's needs before their own). I understand how busy and stressful his life must be, and I also understand that sacrifices sometimes need to be made, but this just has me feeling really shitty about myself and our friendship. I feel like I matter way less to him than he does to me. I was at his wedding and pretty much nothing would have prevented me from attending it, and especially not work. I don't want to lose his friendship but I also don't want this to be the first of many times he lets me down. Finally, the groom asks Reddit: "Would I Be The A**hole" for "cutting off ties with him completely over this?" He may not have gotten the response he hoped for.Reddit commenters called him out for his entitled, selfish, "groomzilla" behavior and said that yes, he is the a**hole in this situation for expecting his friend to put someone else's wedding before his own career.lolofit writes: YTA. Your wedding is the biggest moment in YOUR life, not his. His career and future are more important to him than your day. He didn’t end your friendship over it, he didn’t cut you off, he didn’t purposely schedule a show on your wedding day. That’s just how the cookie crumbles. Zerole00 writes: YTA Let's not forget that the friend is part of a band. What's he supposed to do, bail out on the other members for OP? I was at his wedding and pretty much nothing would have prevented me from attending it Really? If your job prevented you from going, would you quit? flora_pompeii adds: YTA. Weddings feel very important to the people getting married, but to everyone else they're just someone else's party. A wedding invitation should be given in a spirit of genuine openness and understanding, and the bride and groom should understand that noone can be in two places at once and some people just won't be able to make it. Making a friendship contingent on attendance makes you a rude asshole. And Willbabe explains: YTA. In this situation, he has very little power over the tourdates, most of which will be decided by his record label and his managers. He probably told them that if at all possible please see if they could work around this absence, and they weren't willing. Adults understand that life isn't always fair, and sometimes we have to miss things we want to do and things we care about because of our work. Now, Beyonce could probably force the issue, or a big name band if he could get all of the bandmates behind him, but if he is in a band that doesn't have that kind of clout, there is little he can do. You should try and be an understanding friend and realize that nobody wants to miss a loved ones wedding, but sometimes people literally can't make it, and it all isn't about you. This story perfectly highlights the fact that weddings often bring out absolutely horrific, entitled behavior in both brides and grooms—and that, my friends, is feminism.