Marriage

<p>The Reddit community &quot;Am I The A**hole?&quot; exists to help people cope with some of life&#39;s more difficult moral quandaries. But sometimes people present an ethical &quot;dilemma&quot; that turns out to be pretty obvious to everyone but them. This is one of those times.</p><h2>A man chose to skip his own wedding to visit his dying grandma, who raised him. His ex-fianc&eacute;, now-girlfriend thinks he is an &quot;a**hole&quot; for not prioritizing her and their wedding over being by his grandma&#39;s side as she passed.</h2><h2>The internet almost unanimously disagrees.</h2><p>As the man <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cisjdx/aita_for_skipping_my_own_wedding_to_see_my_dying/" target="_blank">explains in his post</a>, he considered his grandma like his &quot;real &#39;mother&#39;&quot; since his actual mother is a drug addict who he &quot;never cared for.&quot; He writes:</p><blockquote> <p>This actually happened about 5 months ago, but since my girlfriend (no longer engaged) refuses to let it go, and I honestly don&rsquo;t think I&rsquo;m in the wrong, I figured I&rsquo;d ask for an outside opinion.</p> <p>My girlfriend (then fianc&eacute;e) were engaged to be married about 5 months ago.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Now, my biological mother is a useless drug addict that I&rsquo;ve never cared for nor wished to pursue a relationship with. She left me with my grandma and I was raised by her since birth. I have always and will always consider my grandma my real &ldquo;mother&rdquo; because she raised me and cared for me all my life.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>A few days before his wedding, the man&#39;s grandma become seriously ill and it seemed she would pass away soon. So he and his uncles immediately traveled to be by her side.</h2><blockquote> <p>About a year ago, we (me and my uncles) had to put grandma in a care home. This was a hard decision to make, but we simply didn&rsquo;t have the means to care for her properly anymore even with her carer&rsquo;s help. She had a lot of age related health issues as well as dementia.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Fast forward to my wedding, a few days beforehand we get a call from the care home saying grandma&rsquo;s condition was deteriorating rapidly and she most likely would pass away in the next day or so. My uncles and I immediately went down there and spent the entire time by her side.</p> </blockquote><h2>His grandma was still alive on the day of his wedding, so the man called his fianc&eacute; and explained they would have to postpone the wedding so he could be there when she passed.</h2><h2>She was &quot;extremely&quot; opposed to the idea.</h2><p>Translation: she lost her goddamned mind.</p><blockquote> <p>She doesn&rsquo;t pass as soon as expected and it extends up until the day of my wedding. I called my fianc&eacute;e multiple times and explained we had to postpone the wedding. Not only was I not in the best state of mind (again, she&rsquo;s my mother to me) but I needed to be by her side when she passed. I felt sick at the idea of not being there when I could.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>My fianc&eacute;e was extremely (to put it mildly) opposed to this and insisted I get ready as soon as possible. She obviously did not want months of planning to go to waste, and I understand that it definitely sucks. She also said there was no point in me being there since she won&rsquo;t even know I&rsquo;m there due to her dementia.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I understand why it might seem like that to her, but to me it didn&rsquo;t matter if she realised I was there or not. I just felt I had to be there with my uncles.</p> </blockquote><h2>The man ended up staying with his grandma, who passed the night of his would-be wedding. His would-be wife was pissed.</h2><p>She called him &quot;a**holish&quot; and refused to speak to him for two weeks afterwards.</p><blockquote> <p>She ended up passing the night of my wedding. My fianc&eacute;e didn&rsquo;t talk to me for roughly two weeks before we finally began patching things up. She said I was completely assholish to her and humiliated her by not showing up.\</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>She thinks that as my fianc&eacute;e she should take top priority no matter what. My opinion is that weddings can be rescheduled (albeit costly) and being with my grandma when she passed was more important.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>So yeah that&rsquo;s the back story. We have both agreed to go with the majority judgement given here and move on from it. Will answer questions when possible but will refrain from defending myself in order to be fair to my GF.</p> </blockquote><p>The man said he and his fianc&eacute;, now downgraded to girlfriend (great call), were able to &quot;patch things up.&quot; But clearly not really, as they are no longer engaged, and he said earlier that she &quot;won&#39;t let this go.&quot;</p><h2>So he took to Reddit to find out if he actually is an &quot;a**hole&quot; for visiting his dying grandma the day of their wedding. That would be a huge NOPE from pretty much everyone.</h2><p>As <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/tayai/">tayai</a>, and many others, noted:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA, Weddings can be re-aranged, the death of a loved one can not.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Many are saying this guy &quot;dodged a bullet&quot; by not marrying this woman, and others are suggesting he GTFO out that relationship. ASAP.</h2><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/tropicaldiver/">tropicaldiver</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA. In fact, she would no longer be my GF. The &quot;I should always be most important&quot; argument rings hollow with me. Why? Because it is all about the context. A spouse wanting you to go to the grocery for milk is not more important than caring for a sick friend (as an example).</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Here, we have two major life events -- a wedding and a death. We have two important people in your life. One can be rescheduled and one cannot. Simple: postpone the wedding and be with your grandparent.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>And here is where I judge her harshly: If you had done the wedding, it would have been the biggest regret of your life. And you would have hated the wedding itself and, ultimately, likely resented her as well. She was putting her very narrow interests over your well being and honoring someone important to you.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/evenmoremeancomments/">evenmoremeancomments</a> adds:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA in any way, shape or form. It&#39;s your grandma, the woman that raised you, you did good by staying by her side. Also:</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;My fianc&eacute;e didn&rsquo;t talk to me for roughly two weeks before we finally began patching things up. She said I was completely assholish to her and humiliated her by not showing up. She thinks that as my fianc&eacute;e she should take top priority no matter what&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Run. As fast as you can. This is not okay, thinking that a wedding is more important than a dying family member, especially one this close. Sure, they&#39;re both important, but not at all comparable. Break up, find someone that actually understands priorities and it&#39;s not as self-centered as her.</p> </blockquote><p>I second this. RUN, dude, RUN! Also RIP Grandma. She&#39;s lucky to have had such a devoted and loving grandson/son. He deserves the same love and compassion from whoever he chooses to commit to marrying.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Guy asks if he was wrong to skip his own wedding to visit dying grandmother.

The Reddit community &quot;Am I The A**hole?&quot; exists to help people cope with some of life&#39;s more difficult moral quandaries. But sometimes people present an ethical &quot;dilemma&quot; that turns out to be pretty obvious to everyone but them. This is one of those times.A man chose to skip his own wedding to visit his dying grandma, who raised him. His ex-fianc&eacute;, now-girlfriend thinks he is an &quot;a**hole&quot; for not prioritizing her and their wedding over being by his grandma&#39;s side as she passed.The internet almost unanimously disagrees.As the man explains in his post, he considered his grandma like his &quot;real &#39;mother&#39;&quot; since his actual mother is a drug addict who he &quot;never cared for.&quot; He writes: This actually happened about 5 months ago, but since my girlfriend (no longer engaged) refuses to let it go, and I honestly don&rsquo;t think I&rsquo;m in the wrong, I figured I&rsquo;d ask for an outside opinion. My girlfriend (then fianc&eacute;e) were engaged to be married about 5 months ago.  Now, my biological mother is a useless drug addict that I&rsquo;ve never cared for nor wished to pursue a relationship with. She left me with my grandma and I was raised by her since birth. I have always and will always consider my grandma my real &ldquo;mother&rdquo; because she raised me and cared for me all my life. A few days before his wedding, the man&#39;s grandma become seriously ill and it seemed she would pass away soon. So he and his uncles immediately traveled to be by her side. About a year ago, we (me and my uncles) had to put grandma in a care home. This was a hard decision to make, but we simply didn&rsquo;t have the means to care for her properly anymore even with her carer&rsquo;s help. She had a lot of age related health issues as well as dementia.  Fast forward to my wedding, a few days beforehand we get a call from the care home saying grandma&rsquo;s condition was deteriorating rapidly and she most likely would pass away in the next day or so. My uncles and I immediately went down there and spent the entire time by her side. His grandma was still alive on the day of his wedding, so the man called his fianc&eacute; and explained they would have to postpone the wedding so he could be there when she passed.She was &quot;extremely&quot; opposed to the idea.Translation: she lost her goddamned mind. She doesn&rsquo;t pass as soon as expected and it extends up until the day of my wedding. I called my fianc&eacute;e multiple times and explained we had to postpone the wedding. Not only was I not in the best state of mind (again, she&rsquo;s my mother to me) but I needed to be by her side when she passed. I felt sick at the idea of not being there when I could.  My fianc&eacute;e was extremely (to put it mildly) opposed to this and insisted I get ready as soon as possible. She obviously did not want months of planning to go to waste, and I understand that it definitely sucks. She also said there was no point in me being there since she won&rsquo;t even know I&rsquo;m there due to her dementia.  I understand why it might seem like that to her, but to me it didn&rsquo;t matter if she realised I was there or not. I just felt I had to be there with my uncles. The man ended up staying with his grandma, who passed the night of his would-be wedding. His would-be wife was pissed.She called him &quot;a**holish&quot; and refused to speak to him for two weeks afterwards. She ended up passing the night of my wedding. My fianc&eacute;e didn&rsquo;t talk to me for roughly two weeks before we finally began patching things up. She said I was completely assholish to her and humiliated her by not showing up.\  She thinks that as my fianc&eacute;e she should take top priority no matter what. My opinion is that weddings can be rescheduled (albeit costly) and being with my grandma when she passed was more important.  So yeah that&rsquo;s the back story. We have both agreed to go with the majority judgement given here and move on from it. Will answer questions when possible but will refrain from defending myself in order to be fair to my GF. The man said he and his fianc&eacute;, now downgraded to girlfriend (great call), were able to &quot;patch things up.&quot; But clearly not really, as they are no longer engaged, and he said earlier that she &quot;won&#39;t let this go.&quot;So he took to Reddit to find out if he actually is an &quot;a**hole&quot; for visiting his dying grandma the day of their wedding. That would be a huge NOPE from pretty much everyone.As tayai, and many others, noted: NTA, Weddings can be re-aranged, the death of a loved one can not. Many are saying this guy &quot;dodged a bullet&quot; by not marrying this woman, and others are suggesting he GTFO out that relationship. ASAP.tropicaldiver says: NTA. In fact, she would no longer be my GF. The &quot;I should always be most important&quot; argument rings hollow with me. Why? Because it is all about the context. A spouse wanting you to go to the grocery for milk is not more important than caring for a sick friend (as an example).  Here, we have two major life events -- a wedding and a death. We have two important people in your life. One can be rescheduled and one cannot. Simple: postpone the wedding and be with your grandparent.  And here is where I judge her harshly: If you had done the wedding, it would have been the biggest regret of your life. And you would have hated the wedding itself and, ultimately, likely resented her as well. She was putting her very narrow interests over your well being and honoring someone important to you. evenmoremeancomments adds: NTA in any way, shape or form. It&#39;s your grandma, the woman that raised you, you did good by staying by her side. Also:  &quot;My fianc&eacute;e didn&rsquo;t talk to me for roughly two weeks before we finally began patching things up. She said I was completely assholish to her and humiliated her by not showing up. She thinks that as my fianc&eacute;e she should take top priority no matter what&quot;  Run. As fast as you can. This is not okay, thinking that a wedding is more important than a dying family member, especially one this close. Sure, they&#39;re both important, but not at all comparable. Break up, find someone that actually understands priorities and it&#39;s not as self-centered as her. I second this. RUN, dude, RUN! Also RIP Grandma. She&#39;s lucky to have had such a devoted and loving grandson/son. He deserves the same love and compassion from whoever he chooses to commit to marrying.

The Reddit community &quot;Am I The A**hole?&quot; exists to help people cope with some of life&#39;s more difficult moral quandaries. But sometimes people present an ethical &quot;dilemma&quot; that turns out to be pretty obvious to...