Relationships

Agreeing on baby names is never easy. Both parents have ones they like and ones they absolutely hate, and a compromise eventually must be made.While disagreements on this subject are nothing new, the reason this future dad is veto-ing his baby&#39;s mama&#39;s suggestion is. Reddit user <a data-testid="post_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/aitababynamehelp/">u/aitababynamehelp</a> does not want to name his future son after his girlfriend&#39;s deceased ex-boyfriend. Even though this ex is no longer with us, he still finds it offensive. Now he&#39;s turning to the internet to ask:<h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ssi70x/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_its_weird_that_she/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf">AITA</a> (Am I The As*hole) for telling my girlfriend it&rsquo;s weird that she wants to name our son after her dead ex-boyfriend?</h2>He writes:<blockquote> My (31M) girlfriend&rsquo;s (30F) ex-boyfriend passed away 7 years ago from sickle cell disease. They shared a son together who is 9 years old, I adore him and look after him like he&rsquo;s my own. </blockquote><blockquote> As for us, we began dating 3 years ago and everything has been going really great. She is currently 6 months pregnant, we are having a boy. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> We&rsquo;re both really excited but there is tension between us because she suggested that we name our son after her ex-boyfriend. </blockquote><blockquote> I instantly said no, that&rsquo;s definitely not happening. So she then asked if it could be his middle name then because it would mean a lot to her. </blockquote><blockquote> I told her it&rsquo;s extremely weird because our kid has absolutely no relation to her ex-boyfriend and it&rsquo;s offensive to me to have OUR son named after a dead guy that she use to date. </blockquote><blockquote> She got all shitty with me and said I was disrespectful and wasn&rsquo;t taking her feelings into consideration blah blah blah and then told me to remember &ldquo;that dead guy she use to date is the real father of her son.&rdquo; </blockquote><blockquote> I don&rsquo;t think it was fair to rub that in my face. So now we&rsquo;re both pissed off with each other. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> I genuinely think it was out of line for her to even ask me that not to mention inappropriate. </blockquote><blockquote> AITA? </blockquote>This is definitely not a clear-cut case of who is the a-hole here. I personally think it&#39;s fine for the girlfriend to suggest a name, and it&#39;s ok for the boyfriend to say no and give his reasons. Then they can choose a name together that they are both happy with. That&#39;s how normal healthy adult relationships work.In my opinion, the real problem here is the way the boyfriend treated his significant other after she made her suggestion. Whether you agree with her idea or not (I don&#39;t) he was out of line in treating his pregnant girlfriends feeling so callously.By his own description of events he was beyond rude calling the her son&#39;s father &quot;a dead guy she used to date.&quot; He could have shown some compassion to this person who is carrying his child. <div className="ad-splitter"></div>The comments on Reddit were very divided on this one. A lot of people took the side of the boyfriend, some blame the girlfriend, and some think everyone is to blame. It&#39;s definitely not an easy call. What do you think?<a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/sickofdriving007/">sickofdriving007</a>:<blockquote> NTA. I can&#39;t believe she threw that &#39;real father&#39; statement in your face. That makes her TA, pregnant or not. She should&#39;ve named HIS child after him, not yours. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/SnooBunnies2181/">SnooBunnies2181</a>:<blockquote> I don&rsquo;t think she&rsquo;s the AH for asking. The middle name suggestion was a pretty good compromise as well. But it is his kid too and I&rsquo;m sure if I was in this situation I&rsquo;d have a randy Jackson &ldquo;that&rsquo;s a no from me dawg&rdquo; reaction. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> She turned into the AH as soon as she had to remind him that he&rsquo;s not her son&#39;s real father. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/czechtheboxes/">czechtheboxes</a>:<blockquote> She said that because he said the &quot;dead guy she used to date&quot; comment. That immediately made him TA. Everything escalated real hard, real fast after that comment. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Rude-Illustrator-884/">Rude-Illustrator-884</a>:<blockquote> He&rsquo;s not wrong to not want his future son named after her dead ex. However, it&rsquo;s shitty to call her dead ex &ldquo;some dead guy she used to date&rdquo;. </blockquote><blockquote> He was the father of her child, and presumably someone she had a long-term relationship with. It&rsquo;s just disrespectful to her and their son. </blockquote><blockquote> How would he feel if he passed away and her next bf called him &ldquo;some dead guy&rdquo; because he&rsquo;s raising their son? I don&rsquo;t think he&rsquo;d like it. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/AlreadyGone77/">AlreadyGone77</a>:<blockquote> The father of your child isn&#39;t some random dead guy you used to date, dude. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Urmom_731/">Urmom_731</a>:<blockquote> Yep. He&rsquo;s TA. My mom died when I was young. My husband died when my daughter was 3 weeks old. I had mentioned I would like to incorporate my first husband&rsquo;s name if we had a child. My husband didn&rsquo;t object and we never had any more kids. </blockquote><blockquote> But you have the right to not be ok with it. You don&rsquo;t have the right to be an AH. He&rsquo;s not her ex. He died. He didn&rsquo;t abandon her and his kid. Blah blah blah comment shows u give zero about her feelings. </blockquote><blockquote> Stop being jealous of a dead person. My stepmom was. I couldn&rsquo;t have contact with my mom&#39;s family, have anything of hers, or even mention her. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> My husband has raised her as his own. Never been jealous of my first husband. My in-laws love my husband as one of their own. We hang out with them when our kid isn&rsquo;t even with us. Couldn&rsquo;t ask for a better partner. Be like my husband. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/RozayCuervo/">RozayCuervo</a>:<blockquote> She&rsquo;s absolutely the AH for asking! If she&rsquo;s willing to name a child after her late boyfriend that isn&rsquo;t his can you imagine how much she brings him up on a day-to-day basis. </blockquote><blockquote> I get that she loved him but she already has a piece of him in her first son, and he&rsquo;ll be there for the rest of her life. </blockquote><blockquote> Now she wants to intertwine her late boyfriend into a relationship that has nothing to do with him in one of the most disrespectful ways(my opinion). For her to even think this was ok is mind-boggling. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/mayfleur/">mayfleur</a>:<blockquote> I can see why she said this, even if it was an asshole move. Her son&#39;s biological father isn&#39;t just &quot;some dead guy she used to date&quot; and I&#39;m pretty sure OP knows that. </blockquote><blockquote> It&#39;s probably important to her that her late partner is remembered by her son and that his memory is respected. </blockquote><blockquote> He cut low at her and she cut low back. Not saying either of them were right but I can understand her feelings. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Sammyweedz/">Sammyweedz</a><blockquote> ESH. The truth told with bad intent does more harm than any lie. There&rsquo;s power in the truth and it can be harmful if recklessly thrown around. </blockquote><blockquote> You were mean and dismissive. It&rsquo;d have been much more effective to open up to her about how it makes you feel and why you think it&rsquo;s a bad idea. You gave away the moral high ground with your aggressive insecurity. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> Not only that but if y&rsquo;all would&rsquo;ve thought as parents first instead of individuals, you&rsquo;d realize it&rsquo;d be weird af for someone to have to call their brother by their dead dad&rsquo;s name for the rest of their life. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/caffeinatedsquirrel9/">caffeinatedsquirrel9</a>:<blockquote> Yeah, this is why I went with NAH, although I was teetering on the edge of ESH. I doubt she was being malicious with her ask, and I understand his strong reaction, but this could have been an opportunity for them both to understand each other better and grow the relationship, and instead, this happened. </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/winesis/">winesis</a>:<blockquote> NTA tell her you can help with the paperwork to change his son&rsquo;s middle name, but you will not be naming your son after him. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MaximusLuna/">MaximusLuna</a>:<blockquote> She wanted a name, you said no. She offered a compromise of a middle name, you still said no. On a name, there has to be compromise. On that note, a child can have more than one middle name. </blockquote><blockquote> Where you teetered into AH territory is by calling her weird. You then called her son&#39;s father &#39;a dead guy that she use to date&#39;. Wow, that&#39;s seriously an AH move. </blockquote><blockquote> But then you accuse her, when she uses your exact words against you, of &#39;rubbing it in your face&#39; So, you&#39;re going to play the victim? </blockquote><blockquote> So for the name, no. But for the rest? YTA </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/GKH/">GKH</a>:<blockquote> This is your son. Not her dead BF&#39;s son. It&#39;s weird af for anyone to even ask that kind of question. NTA. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/2oocents/">2oocents</a>:<blockquote> Yea, the &quot;blah blah blah&quot; sealed it for me, even though I was tipping towards YTA after the &quot;some dead guy you used to date&quot; </blockquote><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/LovelyRita999/">LovelyRita999</a>:<blockquote> NTA - sorry for her loss, but that&#39;s an insane expectation to ask of you. </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Man asks if he's wrong for refusing to name child after girlfriend's dead ex.

Agreeing on baby names is never easy. Both parents have ones they like and ones they absolutely hate, and a compromise eventually must be made.While disagreements on this subject are nothing new, the reason this future dad is veto-ing his baby&#39;s mama&#39;s suggestion is. Reddit user u/aitababynamehelp does not want to name his future son after his girlfriend&#39;s deceased ex-boyfriend. Even though this ex is no longer with us, he still finds it offensive. Now he&#39;s turning to the internet to ask:AITA (Am I The As*hole) for telling my girlfriend it&rsquo;s weird that she wants to name our son after her dead ex-boyfriend?He writes: My (31M) girlfriend&rsquo;s (30F) ex-boyfriend passed away 7 years ago from sickle cell disease. They shared a son together who is 9 years old, I adore him and look after him like he&rsquo;s my own.  As for us, we began dating 3 years ago and everything has been going really great. She is currently 6 months pregnant, we are having a boy.  We&rsquo;re both really excited but there is tension between us because she suggested that we name our son after her ex-boyfriend.  I instantly said no, that&rsquo;s definitely not happening. So she then asked if it could be his middle name then because it would mean a lot to her.  I told her it&rsquo;s extremely weird because our kid has absolutely no relation to her ex-boyfriend and it&rsquo;s offensive to me to have OUR son named after a dead guy that she use to date.  She got all shitty with me and said I was disrespectful and wasn&rsquo;t taking her feelings into consideration blah blah blah and then told me to remember &ldquo;that dead guy she use to date is the real father of her son.&rdquo;  I don&rsquo;t think it was fair to rub that in my face. So now we&rsquo;re both pissed off with each other.  I genuinely think it was out of line for her to even ask me that not to mention inappropriate.  AITA? This is definitely not a clear-cut case of who is the a-hole here. I personally think it&#39;s fine for the girlfriend to suggest a name, and it&#39;s ok for the boyfriend to say no and give his reasons. Then they can choose a name together that they are both happy with. That&#39;s how normal healthy adult relationships work.In my opinion, the real problem here is the way the boyfriend treated his significant other after she made her suggestion. Whether you agree with her idea or not (I don&#39;t) he was out of line in treating his pregnant girlfriends feeling so callously.By his own description of events he was beyond rude calling the her son&#39;s father &quot;a dead guy she used to date.&quot; He could have shown some compassion to this person who is carrying his child. The comments on Reddit were very divided on this one. A lot of people took the side of the boyfriend, some blame the girlfriend, and some think everyone is to blame. It&#39;s definitely not an easy call. What do you think?sickofdriving007: NTA. I can&#39;t believe she threw that &#39;real father&#39; statement in your face. That makes her TA, pregnant or not. She should&#39;ve named HIS child after him, not yours. SnooBunnies2181: I don&rsquo;t think she&rsquo;s the AH for asking. The middle name suggestion was a pretty good compromise as well. But it is his kid too and I&rsquo;m sure if I was in this situation I&rsquo;d have a randy Jackson &ldquo;that&rsquo;s a no from me dawg&rdquo; reaction.  She turned into the AH as soon as she had to remind him that he&rsquo;s not her son&#39;s real father. czechtheboxes: She said that because he said the &quot;dead guy she used to date&quot; comment. That immediately made him TA. Everything escalated real hard, real fast after that comment. Rude-Illustrator-884: He&rsquo;s not wrong to not want his future son named after her dead ex. However, it&rsquo;s shitty to call her dead ex &ldquo;some dead guy she used to date&rdquo;.  He was the father of her child, and presumably someone she had a long-term relationship with. It&rsquo;s just disrespectful to her and their son.  How would he feel if he passed away and her next bf called him &ldquo;some dead guy&rdquo; because he&rsquo;s raising their son? I don&rsquo;t think he&rsquo;d like it. AlreadyGone77: The father of your child isn&#39;t some random dead guy you used to date, dude. Urmom_731: Yep. He&rsquo;s TA. My mom died when I was young. My husband died when my daughter was 3 weeks old. I had mentioned I would like to incorporate my first husband&rsquo;s name if we had a child. My husband didn&rsquo;t object and we never had any more kids.  But you have the right to not be ok with it. You don&rsquo;t have the right to be an AH. He&rsquo;s not her ex. He died. He didn&rsquo;t abandon her and his kid. Blah blah blah comment shows u give zero about her feelings.  Stop being jealous of a dead person. My stepmom was. I couldn&rsquo;t have contact with my mom&#39;s family, have anything of hers, or even mention her.  My husband has raised her as his own. Never been jealous of my first husband. My in-laws love my husband as one of their own. We hang out with them when our kid isn&rsquo;t even with us. Couldn&rsquo;t ask for a better partner. Be like my husband. RozayCuervo: She&rsquo;s absolutely the AH for asking! If she&rsquo;s willing to name a child after her late boyfriend that isn&rsquo;t his can you imagine how much she brings him up on a day-to-day basis.  I get that she loved him but she already has a piece of him in her first son, and he&rsquo;ll be there for the rest of her life.  Now she wants to intertwine her late boyfriend into a relationship that has nothing to do with him in one of the most disrespectful ways(my opinion). For her to even think this was ok is mind-boggling. mayfleur: I can see why she said this, even if it was an asshole move. Her son&#39;s biological father isn&#39;t just &quot;some dead guy she used to date&quot; and I&#39;m pretty sure OP knows that.  It&#39;s probably important to her that her late partner is remembered by her son and that his memory is respected.  He cut low at her and she cut low back. Not saying either of them were right but I can understand her feelings. Sammyweedz ESH. The truth told with bad intent does more harm than any lie. There&rsquo;s power in the truth and it can be harmful if recklessly thrown around.  You were mean and dismissive. It&rsquo;d have been much more effective to open up to her about how it makes you feel and why you think it&rsquo;s a bad idea. You gave away the moral high ground with your aggressive insecurity.  Not only that but if y&rsquo;all would&rsquo;ve thought as parents first instead of individuals, you&rsquo;d realize it&rsquo;d be weird af for someone to have to call their brother by their dead dad&rsquo;s name for the rest of their life. caffeinatedsquirrel9: Yeah, this is why I went with NAH, although I was teetering on the edge of ESH. I doubt she was being malicious with her ask, and I understand his strong reaction, but this could have been an opportunity for them both to understand each other better and grow the relationship, and instead, this happened. winesis: NTA tell her you can help with the paperwork to change his son&rsquo;s middle name, but you will not be naming your son after him. MaximusLuna: She wanted a name, you said no. She offered a compromise of a middle name, you still said no. On a name, there has to be compromise. On that note, a child can have more than one middle name.  Where you teetered into AH territory is by calling her weird. You then called her son&#39;s father &#39;a dead guy that she use to date&#39;. Wow, that&#39;s seriously an AH move.  But then you accuse her, when she uses your exact words against you, of &#39;rubbing it in your face&#39; So, you&#39;re going to play the victim?  So for the name, no. But for the rest? YTA GKH: This is your son. Not her dead BF&#39;s son. It&#39;s weird af for anyone to even ask that kind of question. NTA. 2oocents: Yea, the &quot;blah blah blah&quot; sealed it for me, even though I was tipping towards YTA after the &quot;some dead guy you used to date&quot; LovelyRita999: NTA - sorry for her loss, but that&#39;s an insane expectation to ask of you. 

Agreeing on baby names is never easy. Both parents have ones they like and ones they absolutely hate, and a compromise eventually must be made.  While disagreements on this subject are nothing new, the reason this future dad is veto-ing...