27 people share the funniest thing their partner has done in their sleep.
Sharing a bed with someone who walks or talks in their sleep can be a disorienting experience. It's also, often, very, very funny. There are few things more entertaining than getting an unfiltered glimpse into your partner's subconscious. If you thought they were weird while they were awake, they're even weirder when they're asleep.
Someone asked Reddit: 'Partners of sleep-talkers or sleepwalkers, what gems have you to share?' These 27 people share the funniest things their partners or family members have said or done while under the influence of sleep:
1.) From dadjokedame:
He farted very loudly and proceeded to say, “you got the wrong guy”
2.) From JWolf886:
My girl woke up one night and said 'Did you find your rocks?' and I asked her what she was talking about and she said 'I don't know, I'm just trying to make conversation.' and promptly went back to sleep. She has no recollection of this.
3.) From burgervann:
my boyfriend once blurted out “you’re putting BREAD in my ears” in his sleep, mumbled something unintelligible and then followed up with “and i’m becoming a SANDWICH”. still makes me laugh whenever i remember
4.) From panicked228:
We were freshly married and living overseas. My husband hadn’t had much sleep the nights before, which usually enhances any sleep talking. It was hot in our room. My husband mumbled something which I didn’t quite catch.
I asked him to repeat it. He got up, opened the bedroom window and said very pointedly “Air flow, B*tch!” then laid back down, completely asleep. Now, my husband has never, not once, ever called me a name or even raised his voice to me, so this is particularly hilarious.
5.) From liv832:
My boyfriend woke me up the other day by gently putting his fingers in my mouth and I kept moving my head out of the way until eventually I was like “can you stop that!!!”
He then sounded genuinely upset and asked why I woke him up as he was having a really nice dream about feeding a deer. Brilliant.
6.) From quackcurls:
Sigh; my boyfriend either recites postcodes (delivery driver) or calls the dog in his sleep. So either he is mad no one is responding to his postcode nonsense or I get a flying 30kg dog to my body
7.) From Dusty_Old_Bones:
My aunt likes to tell the story about her and my cousin sharing a hotel room one time. My aunt woke up having to pee, and found my cousin sitting up in bed with her arms folded across her abdomen, kind of rocking back and forth and giggling quietly. When my aunt asked her what she was doing, my cousin said, “I’m holding a baby and it has an adult smile!”
I found this story deeply unsettling.
8.) From eyeslikeacrab:
Fantastic sleep songs with lyrics which are utterly bizarre. My two absolute favourites have been
'Oh whoa whoa, it's a corner cat'
'Obey my rules, an' you'll always be, a country cowboy' - repeated about 5 times and finished with a 'yeaaahhhh.'
9.) From a95z:
One night, my boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night, tapping me on my shoulder. He put his finger on his mouth, whispered 'shush' to me, then pointed at the door and told me 'I can hear something, don't move'. Predictably, I nearly shit my pants.
All the worst possible scenarios crossed my mind, and the moment of silence after he shushed me felt like hours. Then, he started waving his hands and talking about tetris, 'the twirlies' (idk), and making sure we don't align... And that's how I learnt my boyfriend talks in his sleep.
10.) From Thud4444-1:
My wife started screaming one night that she was lost in the local grocery store. And that no matter where she went she couldn't find her way out. I asked her has she tried checking out at the cash registers? She then looked at me and said in her most sincere voice, 'that's why you are the smartest person I know.' And she rolled over and fell back asleep.
11.) From The_gman_109:
So this one time while my s/o was sleeping, she randomly reaches over and starts to pet my leg softly. When I ask her what she’s doing she looks at me like I’m stupid and says “what does it look like? I’m petting this fluffy baby penguin.” Then pauses for a second, pats my leg again and blurts our “Wait this isn’t a penguin!” I have never laughed so hard over someone talking in their sleep
12.) From gullmourne:
Ex-roommate talked in his sleep. Once, he cried out, 'NO GANDALF!'
13.) From Cocamello:
My grandfather was a hard sleep talker , my grandmother has a funny story.
One day my grandfather while sleeping was saying' do i punch this asshole' my grandmother replayed yeah punch him then my grandfather in his sleep punched her.
14.) From stunninglizard:
Not my current partner but my ex-boyfriend sometimes talks in his sleep and the funniest story was this one time i was still up reading a book and i hadn't noticed that he was already asleep next to me. Suddenly he bursts out ' Will you just give me the f**king yogurt already, Shannon!?' in a flawless british accent and scares the shit out of me.
We're both german and none of our first languages include English. We didn't know a Shannon. He's lactose-intolerant.
15.) From chairpilot:
My wife was an avid sleep talked for a long time and her midnight announcements range from simple single words to elaborate speeches. The ones that really stand out to me are:
Waking up in the middle of the night to her suddenly sitting violently up in bed, throwing back the covers, and screeeeaaaaming: “TARANTULA!!”. That will make you very awake, very quickly.
Whispering my name repeatedly which woke me up so she could share in a hushed, cautious voice: “There is an alligator in here.” When I expressed my concern (playing along) she told me, still whispering, that: “It’s okay. It has been here before.”
But my all time favorite was when, from her perspective as she later explained, she was dreaming that I was playfully sneaking up on her and she saw me and was calling me on it. From my perspective, my wife sat up in the middle of the night, starting into the darkest corner of the room and said repeatedly in a soft sing-song voice: “I seeee youuuu.” My flipping blood froze.
16.) From Mike-RO-pannus:
My wife was mumbling a lot and suddenly shouted 'DONKEY KICK!' as she kicked me in my shin, so that was fun.
17.) From PagurusLongicarpus:
Years ago, my wife was mumbling in her sleep and seemed a bit upset. I wanted to comfort her, without waking her up too much, so I said, 'Honey, you're fine. Do you know where you are?'
She slugged me in the arm, and said 'I'm in place where punch buggies are seen first.' She then rolled over and muttered to herself, 'chugga-chugga-chugga-buggy', and went back to sleep. She didn't remember a thing the next morning.
18.) From Metal___Barbie:
He got up, went into the kitchen and ate one bite of a mini pecan pie - no fork, just a straight bite - then apparently remembered he hates pecan pie and left it stacked neatly on the little box.
Another time he sat up and stared straight ahead at the wall, didn't respond to me asking what was wrong. He stood up, walked into the wall, then stood there like he was contemplating the barrier. He just backed up exactly as he came, sat down and swung back into bed like nothing happened. That was creepy.
19.) From Catan_Settler:
My mom sleepwalks sometimes. When she was in the middle of her residency, she came into my room in the middle of the night and sharply asked, 'Did you give {patient} her dose of {medication} like I asked you to 15 minutes ago?'
I groggily replied, 'Who? Wha?'
She just huffed and said, 'Well I guess that answers my question.' Before turning around and leaving. (without closing the door of course)
She didn't remember a thing about it the next morning.
20.) From m0nster6884:
Napping with the boyfriend, a loud noise wakes me, but hes still out
me: What was that?!
him: Either a tree or a magic eraser
21.) From elizwacker:
My boyfriend scoots over to me to big spoon/little spoon, and I snuggle in, thinking that’s all it was, then he gets real close to my ear and whispers, “Just so you know, there’s something in the closet. Like a... a cartoon turtle.” I did my best not to bust out laughing and just said, “Ok honey!” When he woke up, he had no memory of it whatsoever, of course!
22.) From Bastard_Wing:
I've been told that, as a child, my father would regularly sleepwalk into his dad's bedroom and urinate in his work shoes.
23.) From TerryTheOctopus:
My girlfriend once yelled in her sleep 'no No NO you SPUNKY LESBIAN'
I'm a dude
still tease her about it
24.) From Crassus87:
My girlfriend was sleep working one night.
Her: 'Can we get that done this week?'
Me: 'Huh?'
Her: 'Can we get that done this week?'
Me: 'Sorry?'
Her: 'Can we get that done this week please?'
Me: 'Ok'
Her: 'Thanks'
25.) From rox-and-soxs:
He started shouting that he couldn’t feel his left arm. I pointed out he was pinching his pillow, not his arm. He then freaked out that he had lost his arm. I pointed out his arm was UNDER his pillow. He said ok and started snoring. It took me another hour to get back to sleep. He didn’t wake up at all.
26.) From airtightwoodendoors:
My Mrs called me a wriggly little enzyme while she w sleeping. I've never ever heard her use that word before
27.) From bathoryblue:
Lmaoo one time, my ex was asleep and start to snore progressively loud. He startled himself half awake, and he says out loud (to himself) 'shut UP, I'm sleeping'. Oh I snorted my drink through my nose