Relationships

<p>Movies are not real life. Sure, we all swooned when Ryan Gosling wrote his ex 365 letters in <em>The Notebook, </em>and we&#39;ve all dreamed of John Cusack holding a boombox outside of our bedroom window like in <em>Say Anything, </em>but in<em> </em>real life, this behavior would get someone slapped with a restraining order. </p><p>Reddit user <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NooodleOwO/">u/NooodleOwO</a> stopped her friend from performing a similar grand-gesture for his life-long crush. She hoped to spare him (and the crush in question) some major public embarrassment, but now she&#39;s wondering:</p><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/snfg80/aita_for_stopping_my_friend_from_giving/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf">AITA </a>(Am I The As*hole) for stopping my friend from giving chocolates to his crush of 15 years</h2><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" onload="(__markFirstPostVisible || function(){})();" src="https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/img/renderTimingPixel.png" /></div></figure><blockquote> <p>So, I have this friend who was sooo obsessed with this girl he grew up with. Basically everyone in the school and neighborhood (and even the girl herself) knew he had a crush on her.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>He would do slightly obsessive but harmless approaches to this girl. Give her a gift on Valentine&#39;s day, give her a book that he believes is their life story, go to her place and drop food--to the point where the girl sometimes PRETENDED not to be home.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>It was clear that the girl never liked him at all. She even deliberately avoids him in school.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Years passed and we were in college and have some part-time jobs, we confronted him about it. He told us they hung out one time and he even (this, I scolded him for) took pics of her (not with her...OF HER). As a girl myself, I KNOW this is just downright creepy.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>He said he would confess but ended up chickening out and getting drunk with his classmates then hanging out with us after, only to be emotional for not telling her.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Pretty soon he said he started MOVING ON and everything was good until the annual food fair.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>So, our small town held this annual food fair and it was such hype that people usually went there. Me and my friends, this guy included, went there and found a good spot right in the middle where we can sew the band and have access to all the other food stands around.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>And just when we were about to get food, guess who showed up? Yep, the girl and her friends. We said hi to them and my friend only said hi to her. Yep, his eyes were glued to her.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>She was clearly uncomfortable as she pretended not to notice him and her friend had to tell her to say hi to him back and she shrugged and threw him a forced &quot;hey.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Without us knowing, he went to the candies and pastries stand and bought chocolates. He was clearly only looking at her from afar but he said he would give the chocolates not to her but to ALL OF THEM in the table (to try and convince us he has, in fact, moved on).</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>He was already walking to her table and I saw her noticing him walking to her with a frown on her face so I stepped in front of him and took the chocolates from him.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;Trust me, you&#39;ll thank me someday for this.&quot; I dragged him back to our table. This did not go well and he got mad at me the entire time we were eating.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>My boyfriend intervened and in the end, they brought the chocolates to the other table with the girl&#39;s group thinking it was collectively given to them from our table.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Am I the asshole for stopping a potentially embarrassing and emotionally traumatizing event from my friend&#39;s life?</p> </blockquote><p>OK, is anyone else getting major stalker vibes from this guy? The object of his affection has made it perfectly clear that she&#39;s not the least bit interested in him. By not accepting her boundaries, this guy is majorly crossing the line. </p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>To answer the original poster&#39;s question, I do not think she is &quot;The As*hole&quot; for stopping her friend from approaching his crush, however someone needs to inform that entire friend group that there&#39;s a <s>big</s> huge difference between a &quot;crush&quot; and a 15 year-long obsession. Judging by the comments on Reddit, I&#39;m not alone in this judgement. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Top-Tower-1770/">Top-Tower-1770</a> doesn&#39;t hold back:</p><blockquote> <p>YTA. Not for the reason you think though. Stopping him from making a fool of himself isn&rsquo;t the problem. The fact you and your friends watched him harass the girl is. The things you said were harmless are harassment.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>He has been harassing a girl for 15 years. If you want to be not an AH, you should try and get your friend to see a therapist if they aren&rsquo;t. You all needed to be calling him out for dropping off food at her house.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>The fact that you thought that was okay is a problem. That girl deserves a genuine apology from you and your friends.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ausernamebyany_other/">ausernamebyany_other</a> agrees:</p><blockquote> <p>Absolutely none of his behavior is harmless. This poor girl had to physically hide from this man. He&#39;s harassing her and potentially stalking her.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Totally agree. OP is definitely the AH for not giving this the seriousness it requires and minimizing her friend&#39;s behaviors.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/moleymoles23/">moleymoles23</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>ESH except the victim. Hold your friends accountable when they do creepy shit. This has gone on way too long and this poor girl needs to protect herself from him.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/nitebird27/">nitebird27</a> adds:</p><blockquote> <p>YTA for still being friends with this creep. FYI, the stuff at the beginning is not &ldquo;harmless&rdquo;. This guy needs to be way called out.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/RoastBeefIsGood/">RoastBeefIsGood</a> agrees:</p><blockquote> <p>Stopping this now, no you&rsquo;re not the asshole.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Prioritizing your friend who harassed this girl for ages and thinking of this as saving your friend from embarrassment? Yeah, YTA</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I get it, he&rsquo;s your friend. But dude come on. Another conversation needs to be had with this guy, and a call for him to see a therapist wouldn&rsquo;t hurt if he&rsquo;s not already going.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HannahCatsMeow/">HannahCatsMeow</a> thinks everyone is to blame:</p><blockquote> <p>ESH. (Everyone Sucks Here) Don&#39;t. Enable. Bad. Behavior. Your friend is a creep and you&#39;ve co-signed his behavior by remaining friends with him.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/czechtheboxes/">czechtheboxes</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA but saving HIM from embarrassment and trauma really isn&#39;t the important thing here.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/kase_horizon/">kase_horizon</a> lays down the law:</p><blockquote> <p>Your friend doesn&#39;t have a harmless crush on this girl. He&#39;s a stalker with serious issues and needs professional help.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Confident_Profit_210/">Confident_Profit_210</a> is creeped out:</p><blockquote> <p>Seriously! Giving her a book he believes is their life story, dropping by her house! What is this creep going to have to do before OP stops calling this stuff &lsquo;harmless&rsquo;? Cut off her face and wear it as a mask? Or would OP look past that too because &lsquo;nawww he has a crush&rsquo;</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/AkhIrr/">AkhIrr</a> gets right to the point:</p><blockquote> <p>Yeah, this guy is an outright stalker. Plus it has been 15 years, find a therapist and move on.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Longjumping_Ad_9666/">Longjumping_Ad_9666</a> has been on the other side:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I&#39;ve been in this Girl&#39;s shoes. This is not harmless. I personally was so scared that I became afraid of doing things like going out of my house. There were so many occasions where their behavior was so creepy that I felt defenseless.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>It was the worst time of my life. A few days ago, my friend told me that they saw each other on the street and the guy asked her about me, this was enough to give me the worst chills</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/JQMuggins/">JQMuggins</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>NTA It wasn&#39;t preventing a potentially embarrassing situation, it was stopping a potential stalker. Your friend is creepy if he is obsessing 15 years later.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/LittleRedCarnation/">LittleRedCarnation</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>He stalked this poor girl for 15 years. Stalking isn&#39;t harmless. You should know as a woman how TERRIFIED that poor woman must be of him. YTA. I hope she&#39;s able to get a restraining order against him and is able to move far far away from where he can&#39;t find her.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman asks if she's wrong for stopping friend from creeping out his 'crush' of 15 years.

Movies are not real life. Sure, we all swooned when Ryan Gosling wrote his ex 365 letters in The Notebook, and we&#39;ve all dreamed of John Cusack holding a boombox outside of our bedroom window like in Say Anything, but in real life, this behavior would get someone slapped with a restraining order. Reddit user u/NooodleOwO stopped her friend from performing a similar grand-gesture for his life-long crush. She hoped to spare him (and the crush in question) some major public embarrassment, but now she&#39;s wondering:AITA (Am I The As*hole) for stopping my friend from giving chocolates to his crush of 15 years So, I have this friend who was sooo obsessed with this girl he grew up with. Basically everyone in the school and neighborhood (and even the girl herself) knew he had a crush on her.  He would do slightly obsessive but harmless approaches to this girl. Give her a gift on Valentine&#39;s day, give her a book that he believes is their life story, go to her place and drop food--to the point where the girl sometimes PRETENDED not to be home.  It was clear that the girl never liked him at all. She even deliberately avoids him in school.  Years passed and we were in college and have some part-time jobs, we confronted him about it. He told us they hung out one time and he even (this, I scolded him for) took pics of her (not with her...OF HER). As a girl myself, I KNOW this is just downright creepy.  He said he would confess but ended up chickening out and getting drunk with his classmates then hanging out with us after, only to be emotional for not telling her.  Pretty soon he said he started MOVING ON and everything was good until the annual food fair.  So, our small town held this annual food fair and it was such hype that people usually went there. Me and my friends, this guy included, went there and found a good spot right in the middle where we can sew the band and have access to all the other food stands around.  And just when we were about to get food, guess who showed up? Yep, the girl and her friends. We said hi to them and my friend only said hi to her. Yep, his eyes were glued to her.  She was clearly uncomfortable as she pretended not to notice him and her friend had to tell her to say hi to him back and she shrugged and threw him a forced &quot;hey.&quot;  Without us knowing, he went to the candies and pastries stand and bought chocolates. He was clearly only looking at her from afar but he said he would give the chocolates not to her but to ALL OF THEM in the table (to try and convince us he has, in fact, moved on).  He was already walking to her table and I saw her noticing him walking to her with a frown on her face so I stepped in front of him and took the chocolates from him.  &quot;Trust me, you&#39;ll thank me someday for this.&quot; I dragged him back to our table. This did not go well and he got mad at me the entire time we were eating.  My boyfriend intervened and in the end, they brought the chocolates to the other table with the girl&#39;s group thinking it was collectively given to them from our table.  Am I the asshole for stopping a potentially embarrassing and emotionally traumatizing event from my friend&#39;s life? OK, is anyone else getting major stalker vibes from this guy? The object of his affection has made it perfectly clear that she&#39;s not the least bit interested in him. By not accepting her boundaries, this guy is majorly crossing the line. To answer the original poster&#39;s question, I do not think she is &quot;The As*hole&quot; for stopping her friend from approaching his crush, however someone needs to inform that entire friend group that there&#39;s a big huge difference between a &quot;crush&quot; and a 15 year-long obsession. Judging by the comments on Reddit, I&#39;m not alone in this judgement. Top-Tower-1770 doesn&#39;t hold back: YTA. Not for the reason you think though. Stopping him from making a fool of himself isn&rsquo;t the problem. The fact you and your friends watched him harass the girl is. The things you said were harmless are harassment.  He has been harassing a girl for 15 years. If you want to be not an AH, you should try and get your friend to see a therapist if they aren&rsquo;t. You all needed to be calling him out for dropping off food at her house.  The fact that you thought that was okay is a problem. That girl deserves a genuine apology from you and your friends. ausernamebyany_other agrees: Absolutely none of his behavior is harmless. This poor girl had to physically hide from this man. He&#39;s harassing her and potentially stalking her.  Totally agree. OP is definitely the AH for not giving this the seriousness it requires and minimizing her friend&#39;s behaviors. moleymoles23 writes: ESH except the victim. Hold your friends accountable when they do creepy shit. This has gone on way too long and this poor girl needs to protect herself from him. nitebird27 adds: YTA for still being friends with this creep. FYI, the stuff at the beginning is not &ldquo;harmless&rdquo;. This guy needs to be way called out. RoastBeefIsGood agrees: Stopping this now, no you&rsquo;re not the asshole.  Prioritizing your friend who harassed this girl for ages and thinking of this as saving your friend from embarrassment? Yeah, YTA  I get it, he&rsquo;s your friend. But dude come on. Another conversation needs to be had with this guy, and a call for him to see a therapist wouldn&rsquo;t hurt if he&rsquo;s not already going. HannahCatsMeow thinks everyone is to blame: ESH. (Everyone Sucks Here) Don&#39;t. Enable. Bad. Behavior. Your friend is a creep and you&#39;ve co-signed his behavior by remaining friends with him. czechtheboxes says: NTA but saving HIM from embarrassment and trauma really isn&#39;t the important thing here. kase_horizon lays down the law: Your friend doesn&#39;t have a harmless crush on this girl. He&#39;s a stalker with serious issues and needs professional help. Confident_Profit_210 is creeped out: Seriously! Giving her a book he believes is their life story, dropping by her house! What is this creep going to have to do before OP stops calling this stuff &lsquo;harmless&rsquo;? Cut off her face and wear it as a mask? Or would OP look past that too because &lsquo;nawww he has a crush&rsquo; AkhIrr gets right to the point: Yeah, this guy is an outright stalker. Plus it has been 15 years, find a therapist and move on. Longjumping_Ad_9666 has been on the other side: I&#39;ve been in this Girl&#39;s shoes. This is not harmless. I personally was so scared that I became afraid of doing things like going out of my house. There were so many occasions where their behavior was so creepy that I felt defenseless.  It was the worst time of my life. A few days ago, my friend told me that they saw each other on the street and the guy asked her about me, this was enough to give me the worst chills JQMuggins says: NTA It wasn&#39;t preventing a potentially embarrassing situation, it was stopping a potential stalker. Your friend is creepy if he is obsessing 15 years later. LittleRedCarnation writes: He stalked this poor girl for 15 years. Stalking isn&#39;t harmless. You should know as a woman how TERRIFIED that poor woman must be of him. YTA. I hope she&#39;s able to get a restraining order against him and is able to move far far away from where he can&#39;t find her. 

Movies are not real life. Sure, we all swooned when Ryan Gosling wrote his ex 365 letters in The Notebook, and we&#39;ve all dreamed of John Cusack holding a boombox outside of our bedroom window like in Say Anything, but in real life,...