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There are only, like, three places you shouldn't ever masturbate. One of them is behind the wheel of a car, as an English woman recently learned when she struck a seafood delivery van from behind.


There are very few elements of this story that can we can express with a work-safe photo.
(Via YouTube)

The woman in question, whose name has not been released by police, needed to kill some time while she was stuck in traffic in Circencester, England. Because it's both criminal and wrong to poke around on your phone behind the wheel, she decided instead to poke around herself, busting out a Rampant Rabbit vibrator and taking her pleasure into her own hands. She got carried away, lifted her foot off the brake slightly, and her Mini Cooper rammed the vehicle in front of her, an M&J Seafood delivery van.

Sources: YouTube | Jezebel | Bristol Post