It's hard to learn about sex (hehe). Your parents don't want to talk about it. Your teachers are contractually obligated to uncomfortably disclose a minimal amount of information. For most kids, learning about "the birds and the bees"comes down to movies and the imagination.
On a recent AskReddit thread, people are confessing the assumptions they had about sex that turned out to be ridiculously wrong, assuming they've left their computers to find out otherwise. Here are the funniest ones.
1. Sailor_doctorwho was worried she'd lose her appetite.
I thought you would feel the dick in your stomach....I was very relieved to find out that's not true.
2. 5adie5axton learned how to have a sausage party.
When I first started masturbating I was never very interested in penetrating myself because it never felt that good compared to rubbing my clit, so I assumed that sex would be the guy putting his wiener between my labia like a hotdog in a bun and just moving back and forth- only ever penetrating me if we intended to make a baby. The hotdog bun thing did turn out to be pretty fun foreplay, though.
3. _dolorous_edd couldn't pass an oral exam.
Maybe not exactly what you were looking for but when I was a kid I thought that oral sex meant people talking nasty to each other. I wasn't 100% convinced though
4. cricketfluffernutter learned he can be a... nutter.
I thought each testicle held one sperm and that was all you'd ever get. First time I masturbated I realized with horror I could only have one kid. Then of course I did it again the following night and concluded I was doomed never to have kids.
5. Wackomarty thought he was a pioneer.
When I first discovered masturbating. I thought I invented it.
6. Castlebuilder700 sure had an active imagination.
So when ever I asked my parents about the opposite sex all I'd ever get was "well they don't have balls" so before I got educated on the subject I thought that women had a dick without balls and that there was like a docking procedure and one of my balls would go into her stomach and become a baby and my lost ball would like regenerate. I wasn't a normal child.
7. PairOfParedPears knew only what was As Seen on TV.
When I was a kid, I thought that people had sex just by rolling back and forth on the bed, because that's all I ever saw in movies.
8. MisterMarcus had a serious talk.
When I first had "The Talk" as a kid, and had sex explained to me, I imagined that it was like this solemn ritual. I pictured the man and woman sitting on the lounge room floor in meditation-type positions, and then he put his thing in her thing, kind of just left it there for a while....and then magically the woman was instantly pregnant.
9. MapleSyrupReserves didn't get what condoms were meant to prevent.
I remember telling my friends that a condom was used to stop an erection. Like a guy would wear a condom on a date under his clothes so that his erection wouldn't grow because the condom kept it small. That way his date wouldn't see his erection through his pants!
10. Dredd_Pirate_Barry learned what was coming.
I remember being worried I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between whether I had to ejaculate or pee.
Turns out there's a difference.
11. At least thisisntevenmyreal knew their geography.
I thought virgins were people from Virginia.
12. Viviilessthanthree put the puzzle together.
When I was younger I thought your nippels had to touch, while the penis was in the vagina for the sex to count as sex.
So I saw tall/short couples and assumed they never had sex.