Nearly every job comes with its own set of fringe benefits—wonderful bonuses that can only come with a certain line of work. Office workers get free donuts, for example; bartenders get to watch drunk people shed their inhibitions and shamelessly and aggressively hit on each other.
Recently, some real-life bartenders took to Reddit to share the most ridiculous pick-up lines they ever heard customers use—some of which are so ridiculous that they actually worked.
1. A lot of people have a type. The woman that xray_anonymous saw? Her type is dudes named Ben.
Bar tended in college. Guy walked up to a girl at the bar, goes "Hi my name is Ben*, and I'm going to buy you drinks until you find me attractive." Girl smiled and laughed and he asked what she would like to drink. She looked him over (he was already very attractive), turned to me and said "In that case, I'll have a water." He definitely got it that night.
2. This story from AnxiousTester is the most heartwarming story about drunk people sharing a cigarette you'll hear all day.
Bartender/server here. Buzzed gentleman extends hand to slightly more buzzed woman and asks," will you hold this while I step outside?" They come back after sharing a cigarette. Pay the tab, take a cab together to wherever
3. Honesty is the best policy in mcfaddes222's bar.
"Do you want the best sex of your life tonight?"
"Then I'm the guy for you"
4. HURRICANE_WR1ST crafts a tale about a crafty crafter who rose to the occasion.
Not a pick up line, but the smoothest thing I've seen from behind the mahogany. This guy was hitting on this girl at the end of the bar. She asked him, "you gonna bring me some roses?" and this man took two straws, a napkin, and a lighter and I shit you not made a rose with it. You bet your ass she left with him. Kudos, sir.
5. A breathtaking story by Jesus_Shaves_.
I worked at a beach bar. I watched a young guy walk up to a smoking hot, tanned, female lifeguard and say "Help I can't breathe."
She was legitimately concerned and asked him what was wrong.
He said, "Looking at you takes my breath away."
She was pissed for a second than began to laugh. They talked for a little then exchanged numbers.
6. Never underestimate the power of cheese, king_of_chardonnay.
"Come on, lets go back to my place, I'll make you a quesadilla."
This girl had been swatting guys away like flies all night but that one worked out.
7. This one from goblinqueen1513 is like that old maxim "dress for the job you wish you have," only with words and partners instead of clothes and jobs.
Him: Hey, do you have a boyfriend? Her: no. Him: would you like one? She laughed and they started talking and hit it off. This was the dumbest pick up line I've ever heard work at a bar. This was 8 years ago. They're married with a little boy, now.
8. MajorMustard spills about a thrilling spill.
I was a bartender in a college town. The best one I heard was when a guy approached a girl at the bar;
guy: "hey, looks like you dropped something!"
girl: " really? What?"
guy "your standards, hi I'm Mike"
Girl laughed so hard she spilled her drink and he bought her a new one.
9. Bartender yeroush saw a guy get the girl after buying her a drink, except that he didn't even have to pay for it.
Dude comes up to the bar, points to a smoke and asks me to get her a cup of ice water without telling her what it was and saying it was from him. She gets the drink, looks over at the guy and they both smile at each other. Then she takes a sip and her face becomes full of of utter confusion and wtfdom. Guy walks over smiles and says "just making sure you're staying hydrated" they both laugh and later on end up violently making out.
10. Another day, another tale of wacky, wacky shenanigans from down at the goth bar from Meggarea.
I once saw a girl go up to a fellow in a goth club and ask him if he washed his clothes in Windex. He was supposed to say no so she could say, "That's weird, cause I sure can see myself in your pants!"
Trouble was, he was wearing patent leather pants, and excitedly answered "Yes! Aren't they shiny?" Her line was ruined, but they left together anyway.
11. This one from Big_Jake704 is arrrrrrrrrguably the best one.
I bartended in college. My buddies came to visit during a UFC fight. One of them, after a few Crown and sprites, walks up to a very attractive woman (definitely not a student) and asks "if you were a pirate would you put a parrot on this shoulder (pointing at her shoulder closest to him) or this shoulder?" (reaching his arm around her to the other shoulder). They left together right after that.
12. Bartender e3kb0m63r can't even count the number of times this has worked.
A regular would start a conversation with a girl, wait for the second laugh out of her and then drop the magic...
"When I text you goodnight later, what phone number should I use?"
Cue the third laugh and him getting her number.
13. Wow, what are the odds the two women in this story from Oubet had the same name? Oh, wait…
Saw this work while bartending at a cocktail lounge. Guy goes up to a girl, introduces himself and says "What's your name?" She replies with her name. He says, "Oh, that's my girlfriend's name... well, not my girlfriend... we just met".
14. There's something fishy about this entry from foo26.
Saw some guy pretend cast a fishing rod to some chick on the other side of the room after they made eye contact. Once he started reeling in she pursed her lips and used her hands as gills and acted like a hooked fish.
15. Let us be like the people in this one from theworriedgypsy and eat all of the movies.
I work in a bar. This is the opposite of a smooth pick up line, but it still worked. I overheard a guy mess up asking a girl out once by asking her is she "Wanted to go eat a movie sometime?". Her response was, "Sure! I always watch what I eat." I laughed and there was merriment and a good time was had by all....
16. A tale of opportunity knocking and opening the door, by mixedbloodlines.
A good mate of mine was at the bar, and he's a pretty stingy guy so he doesn't spend too much when out on the town, and usually doesn't get piss drunk. So yeah, my mate's been at the bar all night, chatting to friends and other random patrons, and there is this total babe sitting on the other side of the bar from him that's been eyeing him all night. I have no idea if he's even aware of her or not. So she's been sitting there for ages, sort of waiting for something to happen, just sipping on her lolly-drink. No dudes have bothered to approach her or anything so far.
This keeps up for a bit, and then this buff scary looking guy comes to the bar, totally wasted, and asks me for a beer. He asks me quietly what the hot lady's been drinking and tells me to get her another one. He pays up and goes to the bathroom or some place.
I give the lady the drink and tell her it's compliments of a gentlemen admirer (lol) and she just looks straight at my mate! Being the total miser that he is, he just nods at her and cracks a sly grin! She walks up to him and they start chatting, and 2 minutes later they leave together.
Meanwhile, the big guy comes back and see's the lady missing, and promptly orders himself another drink. lol
17. A story from pattyboy1996 that proves the words "monster dong" can somehow have a place in regular conversation.
I saw a guy get rejected by the girl he was sitting next to at the bar. He then decided to pay his tab, and as he pulled out his wallet, something fell out of his wallet, but I didn't get a glance at it from behind the bar. He loudly exclaimed "Oh no, I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong!"
They left together.
18. Bartender Poseidon-Hermes heard a pickup line that was so good he fell for it.
Shy girl regularly comes in with her friend - my coworker and I are pretty chummy with them so we are chatting all night, letting them try some of the new cocktails/shots our bar is trialling.
We give them one particular shot and the friend says she doesn't like it too much and asks if its the kind of drink my girlfriend likes (I was single), shy girl picks up her shot, downs it and says "yes, it is!", then immediately runs out of the building in shyness.
We've been dating almost 6 months now.