Advertising

If you've ever been woken up by someone expectantly pushing against your back, you know that even small discrepancies in libido can drive a big wedge into the relationship.

Batteries not included.
Batteries not included.

Fortunately, some honest human beings protected by the anonymity of the Internet have 'fessed up to how they handle this problem. And don't get worried that because this was sourced from Reddit, it is going to be a big old pity party for horny dudes. There's a lot of advice from less-than-satisfied women who have come up with their own strategies on how to get their low-drive men to meet their needs.

Advertising

1. In the face of being the one with the high sex drive, Monjara defers to her less libidinous man's schedule (with the help of a few robots).

I am always up for it, he is not. I just have sex when he wants to. He has however showed me the magical world of masturbation and has bought me several wonderful machines who will do the job when he's unable. It's pretty neat.

2. figsteav2 is in a similar position, but doesn't sit idly by.

I don't wait for him to start. I take control and once I do that, he realizes he's pretty damn horny too and then we rock out. I think about it like this: when I'm hungry and at work and can't eat immediately, my stomach grumbles but then I get distracted and forget I'm hungry. Once I come home and open the door and smell the hamburgers that are cooking my brain goes 'STARVING. MUST FEED!' Same for sex. He may not be horny but you stick your mouth on some interesting places and all of a sudden brain goes 'HORNY. MUST FUCK!'

Advertising

Before everyone out there just starts unzipping pants, heed mambo_matt's response as a warning:

I'm a male and my SO has a horrible sex drive. I tried this once and it just turned into a fight.

3. Valheol uses science to optimize his efforts.

I track my wife's ovulation cycle. The female libido is highest when they ovulate. It lasts for about 3-5 days. In other days I turn up the compassion, love, consideration and empathy which keeps it going. Basically, don't fuck it up!

Advertising

4. IhadtofindAusername puts sex on her Google calendar.

Scheduled fornication.

Every Tuesday and Saturday is happy day. Usually in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed. It might appear boring, but it is surprisingly calming. There are no surprises, but there are also no nagging, resentment or expectations. At least for us.

5. Here's what notadestination does because she knows she'll never be in the mood as often as her man.

Typically, barring a week or so during the month, I simply don't get horny. While he is up for it more often than not (every other day or so). So we've worked on what turns me on... Vibrators when I'm up for it, but my body isn't yet, reading when I know he'll be in the mood for it to start getting myself ready, and lowering stress and anxiety helps extend the length of time I'll stay in the mood. It doesn't quite even the playing field, but it gets it a hell of a lot closer.

Advertising

6. This is the touching advice from appropriately named CancerFaceEww, who explains how he keeps things alive after losing lots of weight and obtaining serious facial scars from his recent bout with cancer.

It can be a real minefield. My wife married this big, heavy dude but now I'm super thin and my face is a bit fucked up from cancer. She's had to jettison pretty much everything she was attracted to and accept the post-treatment 'me'. The only way we got through all this is by communicating openly and honestly.

To be fair I know she'd like it to be the way it was but there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'll never gain weight again, never get my teeth back I had to lose, never fix these scars and wounds. It's the me that cancer left and it's who I am now.

She's been great about it all though. I'm far too lucky. Just last night we were in bed and my bottom denture popped out right in the middle of things. I. Was. Horrified. I started to retreat in shame and she pulled me back with "That's not stopping anything" and she went on like nothing happened. That's why we've been married 20 years, she knows to share the load when it gets heavy. She let me feel good instead of shame and that meant the world in that moment.

I make up for it in other ways. Compensating I guess is what you would call it. I've learned to really cook and I make her very nice meals and elegant desserts. Bring her lunch, make sure her car is super clean. Beat her to unloading the dishwasher, stuff like that.

Anyway, talk it out OP. It's not always going to be something you can overcome but it's not insurmountable either.

Advertising

7. Zoe346 reminds herself to create a mood for her dude.

What I like to do that helps him get in a relaxed mindset is light some candles, play an album of Explosions in the Sky and give him a full body massage. :)

8. If Family Feud were to ask how couples should deal with differing libidos, anyone who has ever read Cosmo would say, "Show Me 'Communication!'" Of course this is the way to deal with sex (and any other) relationship issue, but as billbapapa put it...

Talk a lot to each other. I end up 'settling' for HJs quite often, but that tides me over and honestly keeps me really happy especially given I know she's doing it to make me happy / cause she cares. And then I make sure I more than pay her back when I catch her in a situation where she is 'in the mood'. On top of that, the fact we're open about things means I don't feel anymore (I did when things first sort of slowed down) like she's not interested (in it or me) or that I'm doing something wrong. Communication!

Advertising

9. This one is going to piss some people off, but freedom of speech begs the inclusion of CherryBlossomStorm's solution.

I just have sex with him, even if I'm not horny. Just grab the lube and we're good to go. [for fuck's sake] it's not that complicated if he's horny I should let him have me... I like the warmth and the closeness and hearing his moans and knowing I'm making him feel good, basically no matter WHAT kind of mood I'm in.

10. AllEncompassingThey has just decided to live with the lack of a sex life, resenting his girlfriend and hating himself.

Coming from having sex a couple times a week in the past - even the distant past - to having sex once every 5-8 weeks is... well, it's different.

She mostly seems uninterested, and often seems annoyed when I try to initiate, so I basically almost never try to initiate anymore.

Actually, it's been driven into my mind so firmly that "she doesn't want it" that even on the rare occasions when she does initiate things, I still get the strong feeling it's forced on her end - like she's doing me a favor or something. The fact that the feeling of rejection lingers even when I'm not being rejected takes a lot of the enjoyment away.

Blowjobs are rare, and when they happen, they last maybe a minute or two because she hates giving them, and it's really not much fun anyway when the reluctance is so obvious.

Even something like wanting to change positions in bed while having sex will often be met with an "ugh, no." I don't know if it's because one requires more physical exertion than another, or what, but that's what happens.

My semen might as well be hot lead, and gets "that's gross" kind of comments.

So we don't have sex often, we don't really talk much about sex (conversations about it seem stressful) and I pretty much have no idea what turns her on or what (if anything) she wants in bed because we are intimate so rarely and talk about it so infrequently. I mean, something will get brought up sometimes, but... If you do something one time every 5-8 weeks, that's not a lot of "practice," you know?

At this point we're basically like good friends who hang out during the day and give each other chaste kisses occasionally. We've been together for over two years.

I am genuinely attracted to her, but I have never felt so unattractive and unwanted in a relationship in my life.

Edit: We are not married. We do not live together. I do not support her financially.

Advertising

Ugh.

11. If you go through the whole forum, you're going to find A LOT of posts about men complaining that their sex lives just ain't what they used to be after the honeymoon. GoshDarnBatman sums up his solution succinctly.

Masturbate a lot

Hell yeah, dude: take matters into your own hands. There's nothing less sexy to a woman than having to explain for the five millionth time why she doesn't want to bone. NomadsFireWok seconds the opinion:

That's what I do. I love my wife, and my her libido is not nearly as high as mine. She's willing to "suck it up" and have sex or give blowjobs when she's not in the mood, but I feel really selfish when she does that (even though she insists I shouldn't). So, I masturbate. I honestly don't understand why it's that big a deal.

Advertising

12. And, when all else fails, do what Never_up_vote did.

We just recently decided to go with divorce. Sucks but is what it is.