10 of the most 'masculine' ways big dumb neanderthals have tried to get with girls.

10 of the most 'masculine' ways big dumb neanderthals have tried to get with girls.

It's time, once again, to revisit some of the most pathetic ways men try to impress women. Thanks to an AskReddit that asked for anecdotes about "the least successful ways" men approached a not-to-be lover, here are 10 fools you can feel better than if you've ever tried—and crashed, and burned, and bottled up your charred remains for posterity—to get with someone.

1. The guy in llosa's story is in dire need of evolution.

This guy once sent me a video of him ejaculating and pointing out how copious it was. We were taking a fitness class together and I'd never even talked to him much.

2. Wildeforoscar met a skinny, well-paid idiot.

Told me his salary and body fat percentage in the same sentence.


3. The guy in amhil's story might actually be a mutant.

In my first conversation with this guy, he told me, or better yet 'boasted', about how he could smell when women were ovulating, and how women had a specific glow about them during those few days in their menstruation cycle. I noped the fuck out of there.

Edit: Looking at some of these replies, I want to grab a moment for a little sex ed... Ovulation ≠ menstruation.


4. At least aliciat's boyfriend didn't have to fight.

Someone who liked me saw me walking with my boyfriend. He got out of his car (leaving it in the middle of the road) pushed my boyfriend into a snowbank, gave me a rather accomplished look, and walked away without a word. Boyfriend still wasn't out of the snowbank by the time he was gone.

5. CamblesPuff is mean to the only woman in his life.

Bragging about how mean he was to his family.

He was trying to be an edgy bad boy I guess? It just came off as huge asshole. Bragged about making his mother cry.


6. Tequilapunrise feels bad for the little girl.

When I was 18 waiting tables a much older man used to come in and sit in my section a lot. One day he brought in his daughter ( who was probably 6) and introduced me to the daughter as "mommy". He told me he knew I was the " commitment type" and said he said I was worth "the best thing he had to offer". It was cringe worthy.

7. Fishyfaced is a full 10 letters.

A guy carved my name into his arm once. I don't have a very short name.


8. Commenters told Chrispya that they'd probably choose a squat video at least.

Literally showing me a video he posted on Facebook of him doing a leg press. In the middle of the club dance floor. I just stared at him as one would stare at a pet who just shit on the rug

9. Littlemisslokii wasn't impressed by three.

Yesterday I was at a water park with my sister and our younger cousin.

Sister and I were looking at stupid shit on her phone when my cousin goes 'hey that guy was doing pull ups on that tree and was just intensely staring at the both of you.'

He apparently managed to get 3 whole pull ups done and got ants on his hands.

Here's to you, weird pull up guy. I don't know what you were thinking, but you managed to earn yourself a Reddit comment.


10. But don't worry, Bonezillion is here to give hope to all the boneheads.

My SO tried to light two cigarettes at once on our second date.

The wind kept snuffing out the flame. With two cigarettes still in his mouth he said, "Impressing you one failure at a time."

His attempt to impress me didn't work, but I thought he was cute so I kept him.

We no longer smoke.