There's this weird sense of solidarity in stories of extreme public embarrassment. We've all done something—or had something done to us—that is mortifying in the moment, and no less so when we relive it in our brains every night for the rest of our lives. But then again, it's also hilarious to hear stories about other people embarrassing themselves. Why? Because it's not us. In other words? Boners. Yep, this is a bunch of dudes who got on Reddit to bravely share their humiliating stories of how something suddenly came up. (Their boners is what.)
1. Meccarabbit just wanted to ball.
Had one on a packed train wearing basketball shorts once. I was scared I was going to poke the girl standing directly in front of me and she'd call me out publicly and I'd look like a perv.
2. This one from ILookLikeHyde starts like a letter to Penthouse, but does not end like one.
I had an infection in my intestines a couple years ago, and had to go have a follow up with a gastroenterologist. The doctor was a very attractive young female, and during an exam had to undo my belt to better test for sensitivity. Well, an attractive women undoing your belt is...exciting to your body. I could tell that she noticed it, and could tell that I was bright red from embarrassment. She smiled and then immediately started asking about the consistency of my bowel movements, which lowered the sails pretty immediately.
3. My_GF_is_a_tromboner just had surgery and was acting a little stiff.
After I had surgery I woke up to my hot nurse unhooking me from a bunch of medical shit and I looked down to a full fledged tent pitched in my hospital gown. She laughed and said it happens more than you think.
4. Student aiahiced provided a lot of hard evidence.
During my Thesis defense, I don't even know why.
5. For germanglasses, one schwing leads to another.
Once in class a friend leaned over to me and told me that he had gotten a boner over the (fairly attractive) teacher. I learned that day that this stuff is indeed infectious.
6. Hey, plax1780, you're not technically related.
First time I met my step sister
7. Love thyself, tokke.
During an ultrasound... of my scrotum
8. Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk in those swim trunks, memes4days?
I was 13 years old, puberty was giving me the works, Random Boners and all. Swim carnival. Entire school staring at me and 5 other kids. I'm wearing speedos. Turns out there's not much you can do to hide that.
9. Step back, AtomWalker, you're dancin' kinda close.
Prom, realizing it during a slow dance and having to hold my hips back a bit making the dance feel super awkward.
10. There was more wood at that funeral than just the coffin, courtesy of Dildo-Gankings, hey-o!
At a funeral.........sigh, good old mourning wood.
11. Nudity is nudity for Santan_Claus.
Whilst my wife was giving birth to our first born, still gets to me today
12. The brain is kind, the body is gross, whatisthisicantodd.
This girl I was kinda sorta friends with broke up with her boyfriend and was leaning on my shoulder, crying.
Yeah, it was awkward.
13. This one from taco_tuesdays really builds to a climax.
I was on vacation with my family and we had just come back from a hike. Driving in the minivan, staring out the window, I must have been about 14 at the time...and as 14 year old boys do, I began having thoughts. Before I knew it I had a full-blown stiffy.
Just then, my mom turned around from the passenger seat. "Are you coming?"
"Are you coming in your pants?"
I had no idea what she was talking about. How did she know? Why would she choose to bring up my awkward erection at a time like this? I WAS A GROWING BOY! It's totally natural. Of course I'm not coming, I haven't been touching myself for god's sake, what kind of depraved, no self contr-
"Are you coming to the pool in your pants, or do we have to stop by the cabin first?"
Oh. Right. The pool. We had discussed this. It was hot and we were all dirty.
"Uh...I think I'll just go back."
14. User dumbgringo shows that this phenomenon happens way after puberty, unfortunately.
Had my wife's best friend from when she lived on the west coast come visit. Had to go to work early one morning and was making coffee, she came into the kitchen in a see through T and panties thinking it was my wife making breakfast. About 2 minutes later my wife comes in, gives me a hug and kiss and notices I am poking her with a boner and got pissed. Ah, married life.
15. DeathStarJedi had a friend wrestle with a boner. (Hint: It was during a wrestling match.)
Not me, but a guy on my wrestling team got one like 5 minutes before his match at a meet in our auditorium where there was a pretty decent sized crowd including the entire varsity cheerleader squad. Our coach stalled the match for a few minutes but he finally had to come out and was still pitching a tent in his singlet. Everyone saw, the cheerleaders laughed, half the crowd was rolling. He ended up winning the match, but I don't know if he ever fully recovered socially. He was wrestling in the low 100's and was a small dude. His "equipment" was not impressive.
16. JerBear_2008 is here about the position.
While waiting in the front office for a job interview.
17. Accidents will happen, TrumpedMyPants.
I already had one as I walked (awkwardly) down the busy street to the library. Some guy had walked out in the road and was knocked over by a bus and his legs were crushed. In the panic as we stared on in confusion, a guy looked down at my pointy groin: "you're a fucking sicko, dude".
18. And it wasn't even like a Mannequin Kim Cattrall. mannequin for RaptorsCdwoods.
Health class. We had to give CPR to the manniccan, fuck spelling, and little me got excited.
19. The original Garfield is understandable, Inthewirelain. But the sequel?!
This isn't really massively up there, but I would say when we went to see the sequel to the first live action Garfeild movie was a pretty weird time to get a random errection.