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Some days I wake up feeling like the world is mostly a benevolent place and that humans are fundamentally good. Other days I wake up thinking, "trust no one." This is one of those stories that will make you realize why those "trust no one" days happen.

I truly wish I knew the backstory to this text conversation, but all I know is Michael texts a number that he thinks is Crystal, telling her to stop spreadin' info about his peen.

Crystal casually pointing out that she gets around.
Crystal casually pointing out that she gets around.
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So, Crystal's out there telling the world that Michael's got a small dick and Michael just wants her to stop! But Crystal acts like she has no clue what's going on and insinuates that she's seen a lot of tiny penises lately by adding "you could literally be like 10 people." Some might say she is high on power.

The tone of Michael's texts seem genuinely pleading as he asks Crystal to not spread any information about his dick whatsoever, not even lies about it being big. He just wants some good old fashioned mystique surrounding what he's working with.

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Imagine typing "I have a baby cock."
Imagine typing "I have a baby cock."

If you haven't lost faith in humanity by this part of the story, well, good for you. I'm feeling pretty bummed. We don't even know if that's really Crystal! Plus, one of these two suckers sold out and took screenshots of this, for some sad reason. That is, unless my theory that people are doctoring fake text conversations to create viral content is true. Is there any way to know? In any case, I got this information from Elite Daily.

Sources: Elite Daily