But what do people do after all the fun is had? Wonder no more. People are sharing their post-sex routines on Reddit, and they are very practical and charmingly graphic. Here are the best answers:
1. This person who promptly pees.
Pee immediately. Utis and kidney infections are not fun. Neither is semen dripping down your leg or into your butt crack
2. This person flying solo.
I close all the tabs and wipe off whatever might have gotten on my hand.
3. This guy who dries, rinses, and repeats.
My girlfriend insists we test the condom with water after using it. Every. Single. Time. So that's my super sexy post-sex routine. She also finds my flaccid penis extremely humorous so no laying there naked or she'll start poking it and laughing at it.
4. This guy whose penis is good for a laugh.
My girlfriend also enjoys laughing at my flaccid penis. It's okay though, I didn't expect a flaccid penis to be good for anything anyway. Might as well have a laugh!
5. This guy who is very resourceful.
The nearest piece of clothing becomes the 'wiper'.
6. This person who makes cleaning fun.
[I] usually will blow/lick him a bit to clean him up [after] then I'll leave to clean myself up and come back to bed to cuddle.
7. The couple who quickly clean.
We sit there for like a minute... then I roll off the bed and shuffle to the bathroom to avoid dripping. I pee and cough a few times and that does a pretty good job of getting stuff out. Clean up with wipes or shower.
Husband rolls off his side. He sometimes uses the same bathroom, sometimes goes to the other one. He too pees, cleans off.
We get dressed and either go to bed or go watch some television. There aren't usually a lot of cuddles. We give each other props, you know, good job and what not... but we aren't too big on relishing the moment. In fact, keeping the sheets clean is probably a higher priority. Nothing is worse than realizing you have to change the sheets and all you want to do is sleep.
8. This guy who loves Bob's Burgers.
I'm not exaggerating. The greatest moment of my life was having me sitting in bed watching Bob's Burgers with a Publix chicken tender sub right after awesome sex and a hot big boobed chick sleeping naked next to me.
It's been two years and I still haven't been able to recapture that moment.
9. This person who is living the dream.
I wake up and realize I'm all alone again.
Damn you dreams.
10. This person with very modern jokes.
Zip up and give your mom cab fare.
11. This Redditor who really loves to Reddit.
Go pee, clean-up, usually bring him back a hot towel, get in bed, browse reddit. He usually gets up in a few minutes, throws the towel in the hamper, then brings me a snack.
12. This person living the old-fashioned movie star life.
Smoking a cigarette. Although, it sucks in my new apartment where I can no longer smoke inside, but seriously a post sex cigarette is a really awesome thing.
13. This person who would have to pay attention to Cumberbatch.
I have a beer and put on an episode of Sherlock Holmes (the jeremy Brett version) and i make sure it's one I've seen before so that I don't have to pay as much attention
14. This female with an attention to detail.
Female here: Eyes closed reach for ANY piece of clothing to clear the cum out of my eyelid area, open eyes (Silently swear about the burn, and immediately close eyes again) Get up and try as hard as possible not to leave a trail of cum droplets on my way to the sink, still eyes closed. Wash face, tits, stomach, hands then go pee, double check that there's no cum in my hair (if yes, make note to come back and shower ASAP), if no, make note to shower before leaving house. Too fucking weak to shower, legs barely work. Throw cum drenched.... Tank top? into the laundry bin (make note of which one it is so I don't try and wear it tomorrow). Get a drink of water and collapse back on the bed and hope he doesn't want to try and cuddle, cause my jaw is fucking sore as shit and it's like 100 degrees inside. Fall asleep naked and barely covered in blankets and feeling pretty damn great
15. This couple of ticklish people.
Cuddle with the girlfriend, wipe junk off with t-shirt/towel/those cherry-smelling wipes she keeps in the end table. There's a 20% chance the cuddling turns into a tickle fight.
Pee and wash hands/face after I leave the room.