There's probably no worse time to say "hold on one minute please!" than mid-coitus. Interrupted sexual situations almost always give way to awkwardness and hilarity. Which might be why user Checks_Gone_Wild recently posed this question to the fornicators of Reddit: What's the silliest reason you've had to stop in the middle of having sex?
Redditors came through with a range of scenarios even more awkward and bizarre than you could possibly imagine, and here are our favorites. So buckle up, folks. It's going to be an arousing, and frustrating, ride.
1. Blame it on the cock-cock-cock-cock-cock-cockatiel, c/o Prisons:
My boyfriends pet cockatiel started to sing 'Happy and you know it' and wolf whistle.. while watching us.
2. Coffeeandscribe might never have sex, or noodles, again:
We had been going at it for awhile so my legs were pretty tired. I told my boyfriend while we we're switching positions that my legs made me feel like a noodle, and in his sexiest, not at all trying to be funny voice, he goes: "yeah? Well you're a tight little noodle". He was furious with himself for saying it after I couldn't stop laughing long enough to continue.
3. Pour some sugar on sarahdactyl1026's BF:
My diabetic boyfriends blood sugar dropped. He just stopped and yelled "JUICE!!!"
Edit: To the butt hurt, he was laughing throughout the entire ordeal. I want you to try and not laugh when your partner screams "Juice" as he's about to climax.
4. TheManicMonocle committed to the look:
5. BMoreBeowulf and the Holy Sex Fail:
My wife and I were going doggy style and I kind of swept her legs out so we were doing it with her on her stomach. She immediately yelled out "remooove the suppoooorts" a la the witch weighing scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It took us 30 minutes before we started again because we were laughing so hard.
6. thehamslammer came down with a case of the clapper:
I have a clapper light and the sound of balls on butt cheek turned the bedside lamp on... we promptly resumed after some hysterics.
7. captainmagictrousers didn't end up getting his wood pecked:
She left her music on "shuffle all", which worked fine, until the Woody Woodpecker theme song came on.
8. And on his farm were two strangers doing it, E-I-E-I-Ohhh, c/o ColdBeef:
The farmer who's field we were parked in showed up and we had to make a run for it.
9. The-Spaceman didn't cometh:
She was on top going cowgirl when all of the sudden she stops and looks down at me with a concerned look on her face. I immediately asked what was wrong very much concerned I had hurt her or she had hurt herself. She says "I have to fart." So I told her to do it. It vibrated my balls. We couldn't continue because we were laughing too much.
10. ProfessaK wasn't about to let a "bang!" stop his banging:
A tree (big branch?) fell onto a car in our street. Admittedly I kept going but she wanted to see what was going on
11. A three-way even a guy would turn down, via Brewsleroy:
Wife was pregnant, baby kicked me in the stomach. She thought it was hilarious, me not so much.
12. derekmaelstrom was feeling the burn:
It started to burn....really bad. Turns out my boyfriend at the time hadn't washed his hands after we had made jalapeno poppers earlier that night. It was an inferno down there.
13. ispeakdatruf speaks da truf, does not have a wife:
I lived in a 2-story house, which was quite old. It had piped steam heating, and one of the issues was that when the heat came on, the pipes expanded(?), causing a weird knocking sound, as if someone was walking in high heels. My bedroom was in the lower floor, and the living room (and entrance) above.
One night I had a girl that I had recently met over and it was her first time at my place. It was late, we were getting frisky, then started doing it. She was on top, riding away. I was having a good time, to say the least. Unbeknownst to me, the heat had come on. So suddenly the knocking starts, and she gets this horrified look on her face, hastily gets up and starts getting dressed. I was so used to the knocking that it didn't even register anymore.
So I'm like, "what happened? What did I do??"
And she replied, "Your wife is here! I heard her walk in upstairs!!"
And I'm like.. what wife? I live alone!
Soon it dawned on me what had happened, and we both had a good laugh.
14. ffemtinpa couldn't do it, buddy:
Wife finished and was waiting for me to finish. Heat of the moment and close to finishing she looks at me and says "you can do it buddy." That was the end of it and was like a deflated balloon how fast it went down. Still joke about it.....outside of the bedroom of course.
15. spaghatta111 learned a hard lesson the soft way:
We knocked over an open bottle of red wine and it started spilling on the white carpet.
He stops and starts scrubbing it
"OH SHIT! MY DAD IS GOING TO KILL ME!"
He was 30 years old. Apparently it was his dad's house
16. holabola0000 got slammed but not in the fun way:
Was in her bed for the first time. The sides of her bed frame rose up and were on the same level as the bed. Flash to love making, I'm half standing going to town, when I reposition my foot on the covers. Turns out that was actually the frame, and I slip, fall off the bed and slam my head on the wall.
I didn't get a nut, but I did get a concussion.
17. This one is not for the squeamish:
Her dog kept trying to lick my butthole.
In conclusion: never have sex, people. Just don't even bother.