Oh, sex ed: there's no way for it not to be at least a little awkward. Sex is one of the most crucial courses that kids take in school: full of practical knowledge that they'll use for the rest of their lives. And if the sex ed they're getting is over the 'abstinence-only' variety, they'll use it for the rest of their kids' lives.
A recent Reddit thread called for stories about the "weird shit" that went down in during sex ed, and damn: from overly demonstrative teachers to remarkably inventive metaphors, these are the best ones.
1. IsThisNameTakenHmm's story will go down in history.
Someone asked about giving a girl a blowjob and how it works. Kid behind me says, "it's like eating a hamburger sideways."
No work was done for the rest of class.
2. TheSexiestOffender (oy, what a name) shared a lot of slang.
Our teacher instructed us to write as many sexual words and/or phrases that kids our age use everyday. He left the room while we did and came back to a whiteboard with very little white left.
3. Courtesy counts, as Bryguy924 learned.
I remember a dude asking if you can piss in a vagina, and then the teacher having to explain how that wasn't very courteous (which he really couldn't understand)
4. Exodiafinder687 has seen the future.
A kid in our class once asked whether or not a baby born from a woman giving a man a blowjob and then spitting it into another woman's vagina would have the DNA of all 3 of them.
5. Whyevenbotherbeing bothered being savage.
Every time we had the sex-ed nurse in for a class she would put out a box for anonymous questions. No question would she leave unanswered. We had her in every year from grade 7 through 11. Every year the questions got ranker and ranker. The last year the poor woman is explaining bukkake and Cleveland Steamers and water sports. We were not gentle children.
6. CosmicLad could pitch this as a porno.
The "guest" teacher was hot. At the very start of the class she looked at us and said "alright then" - then started taking her top off
Me and all my friends looked at each other, gasping!
Turns out she was just warm and took her jumper off.
7. Cobysev's teacher got a bit too honest.
In 8th grade health class, during the sex ed portion, the teacher put out an anonymous box for us to drop questions in and she would read them aloud at the end of class and answer them for us.
One day, she pulls out a question and reads, "What does sperm taste like?" She thought for a second, then said, "I guess it's kind of salty."
Our class gasped and started murmuring/giggling before she pointed out that most body fluids are salty, which is why she theorized that sperm would be salty as well. Nice save, Teach.
8. BlumpkinPumpkin10 knows what you need after you eat the "sideways hamburger."
Somebody asked "what is a condom" anonymously and my friend very eagerly answered "ketchup and mustard".
9. ChainsawJane can hold her fist high proudly.
My teacher shoved her fist/arm in a condom to demonstrate that they expand a great deal. She exclaimed, "ladies! If he can't fit in this, you don't want him inside you."
Edit: just wanted to point out.... this imagery has very much stuck with me... so maybe she did a good job? Haha
10. ThePastyPrince said it loud and proud.
Our super hot teacher had us scream the body parts of each body so that it wouldn't be weird to us.
I always wondered what the class next to us was thinking when they would hear kids yell "PENIS! VAGINA!"
11. High five, JasonPlatz.
My teacher said straight-faced that if you touch yourself you naturally grow hair on your palms. Just about everyone looked, and we all laughed. Looking back now, if I heard a teacher say that in a class of 12-year-olds I would be pretty suspect.
12. DeepFriedPotatos has a trilogy of crazy tales.
A few interesting things.
Kid in my class asked the teacher how animals had sex. She explained that it was similar to doggy style. She then proceeded to climb on top of the table, get on all fours and point to her butt and say "if I'm positioned like this, my vagina is now back here"
We watched the baby birth video, teacher then rewinded the video without turning off the tv and we got to see a baby shoot back into the ladies vagina at lightning speed
We had one very 'experienced' girl that said the birth video (that was probably made in the 70s) was fake because "no girl would let her pussy be that hairy, men like it clean"