Every couple of days, a story goes viral about a very public Public Display of Affection, and conspiracy theorists in the UK think the government has something to do with it.
Now, you might just think that people get their kicks waiting to be caught by smartphones, but that's because the government controls your mind. The conspiracy theorists at The Daily Sheeple suspect there must be something behind this worldwide eruption of eroticism.
"It’d be one thing if it was one or two people or even one or two couples, but this is happening with lots of couples all over the globe," Piper McGowin of The Daily Sheeple wrote, before providing a comprehensive list of PDA in the past month:
On July 5th, a couple was filmed in broad daylight doing it on a bench on the waterfront in Novorossiysk, Russia’s main port on the Black Sea on the Western side of the country… without a care in the world.
On July 7th, a couple had sex in broad daylight right outside the Wales football team’s Euro hotel.
On July 15th, it was a couple on the ground right outside the Barcelona Library, again in broad daylight.
On July 22nd, it was a couple right in front of everyone just off a busy street on the party island of Phi Phi in Thailand.
On July 23rd, it was a couple on a sidewalk in a residential area in Minsk, Belarus. The man was filmed with his pants around his ankles wearing a Nike hoodie, and when the story went viral, it prompted a series of really lame “Just Do It!” memes.
This pandemic could not simply be a coincidence, so McGowin suggests a few possible reasons:
Is this some weird mass mind control experiment? Is CERN on the fritz? Is all the WI-FI finally frying people’s brains? Why the sudden epidemic of random public sex in broad daylight?
"Obviously we don’t live in the Victorian period but damn, is modesty that dead?" she concludes. If the government is conducting a mass mind-control experiment, then getting people to fornicate in public is probably just the tip of the iceberg.
Trust no one. Autonomy is an illusion.