Life doesn't have an instruction booklet. We're all learning as we go, and it's an act of decency and humanity to reach out to others and share with them the truths and lessons you've learned along the way to make navigating this giant, cruel planet just a little bit easier.
Recently, some people took to Reddit to share their indelible tips, bits of advice, and life hacks on all the things that might make you blush. Because it's the internet, things got filthy pretty fast. But that doesn't make them any less true.
1. SexBadgersaurus says to vex your sex before you sex after an ex's text.
Always masturbate before responding to your ex's text and see how you feel about it with a clear, non-horny mind.
2. Rule of thumb from Ships411.
My mom told me to always go for the thumb if you're about to kiss someones fingers. It's the least likely one they'd use to scratch their asshole
3. True, derek_32999, or if you have guests over.
Never cum in a jacuzzi unless you want to be covered in a thin spiderweb like amalgamation of your own jizz.
4. The whiskey ain't workin' for DerryFox.
Womens' magazines constantly suggest things you should put ni your mouth to 'spice up' oral. Hot water. Cold water. Mints. Fizzy sweets.
Do not, one night, think to yourself, "whiskey!"
Do not do oral with whiskey.
5. Keep calm, carry on, and do what 4-words-or-less says.
Trim your pubes
6. Any grandma will do for PrettySweatyPrincess.
Think about my grandma so you don't cum too early. Probably doesn't have to be my grandma. Could be yours. Unless you've got a really hot grandma or something.
7. This one from paigezero has a lot of flare.
If you're gonna put it up your bum, it should have a flared base to stop it going all the way in. Don't use random stuff and end up at the hospital explaining how you just fell.
8. Just one or the other then, zombiefatcher?
Don't masturbate with 2 in 1 shampoo conditioner. I did when I was in middle school and my dick looked like 40 bees stung it for like 3 days.
9. Up, up and away with couldloseafew.
Make sure the trapeze in your bedroom is centered over the bed.
10. And before, KruddyCat. Before is good, too?
Pee after sex. This goes for both genders. Nobody wants a UTI.
11. Jolly good show, Chem-Dawg.
Jolly Ranchers and cunnilingus sometimes don't mix well.
12. Really though, Bussypostin, any time is a good time.
Clean out your asshole before anal. Inside and out
Also putting condoms on sex toys makes clean up way easier
13. Solid tip, 8urfiat.
You're not done licking until she pushes you off.
14. dingus_twart says to ask for it by name.
A typical STD screening does not include testing for herpes. Most times you need to request it specifically.
15. Worgen_Druid shouldn't have to tell you this, but here it is.
For gods sake guys, if you think there's even a chance of hooking up, perform meticulous personal hygiene and for the love of all that's holy, wash under your foreskin.
16. delecti says that baby wipes are actually for your baby makin' parts.
Keep baby wipes by your bedside. They're designed for exactly that area, and made to be gentle enough for babies. They don't dissolve or leave flakes like toilet paper or tissues either.
17. Jita_Local says to do unto others, etc.
"You are not having sex with this person for your own satisfaction, you're doing it to make them feel as good as possible." Once I started thinking like that, my sexual encounters and personal performance got 100x better.
18. Tankninja1 takes it to the bone zone.
Man everyone is talking about sex and the only advice I have is if you break a bone never push it back in.