Advertising

In the history of the world, not one person has ever started to have sex with someone and thought or said "Hm. This vagina is ok, I guess. But what if there were more GLITTER on it?" While I don't know this for certain, I feel reasonably confident in saying so.

And yet, since at least 2010 when the "vajazzling" trend first emerged as a thing, people have been looking to make bank on what they seem to think is an overwhelming demand for sparklier vaginas across the globe. Despite the fact that, you know, that trend landed more than a few people in the ER.

Enter Passion Dust: "intimacy capsules" filled with some kind of glitter that you stick inside your vagina in order to make your sex-having time more, uh, glitter...ier. And also more "magically delicious," which I assume means that the glitter itself tastes like dehydrated marshmallows. The capsules are sold and marketed by someone calling herself madam.butterflie on Instagram, and sold by her company "Pretty Woman Inc."

The site explains their purpose... sort of:

Advertising
Passion Dust Intimacy Capsules are an adult novelty item. Something you would expect to find in your local adult boutique along with the edible or flavored oils, creams, body butters, lubricants, body dusts and whatever other tasty body treats are out there. But Passion Dust is different from all of them. It is a small capsule that you insert into your vagina and allow it to naturally dissolve and release it's contents.

PASSION DUST is not a liquid, lubricant or gel of any kind, It does not induce or create any physical sensations or physically alter your sexual performance. It's only purpose is to add a sparkle and flavor to your natural vaginal fluids to make the experience of lovemaking that much more fun and enjoyable for you and your partner. Your body's physical responses help to release the Passion Dust. Basically, the more excited you get physically the faster the capsule dissolves creating a sparkly, flavored orgasm. Your passion makes it happen!

Passion Dust capsules do not come in different flavors or scents. The flavor is sweet like candy but not overly sweet, just enough to make your lover feel that your Yara (water-lady or little butterfly) is what all vaginas are supposed to look, feel and taste like; soft, sweet and magical!
Advertising

I feel reasonably sure that vaginas —or any other body part, other than one's eyes —are not actually supposed to look like they are sparkling. If you find that your vagina is sparkling on its own, you should probably go to the ER and then also contact Mulder and Scully as soon as possible.

The site also says that you can use Passion Dust even when you are not having sex:

NOTE: You can insert a capsule any time you want to sparkle down-there and you can use them as often as you would like. It does not have to be just when you are having sex. Sometimes it is just fun to look at!. We recommend inserting right before you shower. The heat from the shower will assist in dissolving the capsule.

Advertising

OK, but why? I mean, I totally get buying some glittery-ish shower gel from Lush, but what is the appeal of standing in the shower with glitter pouring down between your legs? Who wants this?

According to the site, if your lover isn't into it, he isn't a real man, and you should totally question your relationship with him:

We know how boys feel about glitter and glosses, etc...we say boys because no man has yet to complain, they don't like it (under normal circumstances) but seriously, what is there for him to complain about?..What is he going to say?...
- WTF--Why is it so...pretty!?
- Why does it smell good and taste sweet like that!?
- I just don't like it, it feels all...good and stuff!
- If these things are a problem for your lover , your first question should be 'why?'..What's wrong with it being prettier, tastier?...

Advertising

Passion Dust also apparently serves as a way to keep men from cheating on you, by giving them a glitterdick they may not want to take to their side-piece:

On the flip-side, If you trust your mate (or not), if you're sure that you are the #1 person in your lover's life then what difference will it make if they have a little glitter in their shorts when they leave the house?...whose gonna see?..no one other than you should need an explanation anyway, right?.. And it does work both ways GUYS; If your lady leaves the house or comes home sparkling and she hasn't been with you, you may have a few questions of your own.
Advertising

​Of course, now that you are very certain that you want a glittersplosion in your vagina, you are probably wondering if it is safe! The site says yes, sort of!



However -- actual gynecologist Jen Gunter, however, is not so sure. She firmly recommends not sticking weird glitter pills into your vagina, and says that doing so could cause some really unpleasant side-effects. As she wrote on her blog:

Could the plastic be a nidus for bacteria? Sure. I’ve seen a nasty inflammatory vaginal discharge from sand so this could be a similar set up.

Might the little flakes of plastic produce vaginal wall granulomas? (A granuloma is walled off inflammatory mass produced by tissue in response to a foreign body). They could.

If it isn’t plastic and it’s sugar, well, depositing sugar in the vagina lets the bad bacteria go wild. Studies looking at treating bacterial vaginosis with vaginally administered probiotics were halted because the glucose keeping the probiotics alive made the bad bacteria go wild.

Could the vehicle be an irritant and cause a vaginal contact dermatitis? Yes and ouch. Think vaginal sunburn!

Is it possible the goo might damage the good vaginal bacteria leading to infections as well as in increased risk of STIs? You bet. Given how tacky it looks it is unlikely an intimate lubricant (or a safe one anyway).

What impact will this have on vaginal pH? Unknown.

Advertising

So yeah, sorry we have to break this to you, but in no way is putting glitter pills in your vadge a good idea. Luckily, you can't buy them anyway, because the site says they are sold out—o if really you want your ladyparts to look extra crafty, you're gonna have to just make a tiny papier-mâché hat and stick on some googly eyes or pom-poms or something until they stock back up.

Sources: Jen Gunter | Pretty Woman, Inc