Sex is weird. Dreams are weird. Therefore, sex dreams are the weirdest things possible. Here are some people who shared the dirty yet hilariously strange sexy times that their brains assaulted them with while they were sleeping.
1. Do what you're gonna do, Undercover_Hilter, but just remember that if you're going to have sex with a tube of toothpaste, don't forget to wear a whitening strip.
I started fucking a girl... She turned into a tube of toothpaste. I still can't explain it to this day. Probably unrelated side note, has anyone seen my toothpaste?
2. It's okay, I_love_this_cunt-try. Clair Huxtable had five kids so she was obviously a very sexual being.
I dreamt I was having an affair with Michael Jordan's wife. Except his wife was actually Felicia Rashad from the Cosby show. I'm not attracted to her, and I don't know what Michael Jordan had to do with the dream, but oddly enough, it was the one and only time I had a full on wet dream. Also, I was 22, married, and sleeping next to my wife when I had the dream.
3. User aaam13 was young, so the rookie mistake makes sense. Some day he'll realize that all hot girls on boats are actually robots.
I had a dream when I was around 13 that I was having the best sex with this insanely hot girl on a boat. Just as we were going under the Golden Gate Bridge one of its suspension cables snapped and sliced her in half while we were still going at it.
Turns out she was a robot
4. Just to be clear, rgollum's sex dream was about the original Spyro, so it's not weird or anything.
For me it's the first sex dream I ever had: I am Spryo the Dragon, (Original trilogy), and she's some kind of pink hued dragon, we're just kind of rolling around, but the feelings of the dream were definitely sexual.
5. "Missionary"? "Snakes? "Mom? Sounds like dythalia had this sex dream after falling asleep in church.
Pretty standard "missionary with crush" dream, except my mom was watching and we were both snakes.
6. This story from sam3397 is the sexiest cocoon story since Cocoon.
Brace yourselves. I'm in a cocoon, readying myself to evolve into a butterfly/human when suddenly, an enlarged clone of my penis rips the cocoon and i'm forced to run away on foot. I hid under a mushroom and when my the penis clone found me, it asked me to have sex to which i inexplicably said yes.
7. VampireChild knows that to love yourself is the greatest love of all.
That I'm fucking myself. In some messed up way I am both the guy and girl. My perpesctive switches randomly throughout, one minute I'm being drilled into the next I'm doing the drilling but either way it's me fucking myself. don't even want to know why I'm dreaming that I have a dick and that I'd chose to do myself over anyone else.
8. Who's the boss of ilovepanforte's sexy subconscious?
Tony Danza was at my house and we were going at it. He wasn't too bad. When he shot his load it hit the floor and turned into pebbles. My mother came in the room and yelled at me for the mess so I sucked up the pebbles with the vacuum cleaner. I can't remember any more than that.
9. "Pound control to Major Tom." - this story from a deleted account.
I was in a Gemini space capsule with a chick. We were both wearing spacesuits, as we weren't pressurized. When we started fucking (or decided to) I had to disassemble the spacesuits without opening them, or we would die. Eventually, I got them to merge into what was basically one giant, siamese-twin style spacesuit and we started fucking inside of it. My brain-camera then panned outside the window of the ship and I remember seeing the Earth below me and the Sun coming over the horizon as we began re-entry and it was about then that I woke up.
10. This deleted user is so progressive and open-minded even her subconscious sleep mind thinks so.
I had a dream that I was still a girl, but had a giant dick as big as my thigh that got spontaneously semi hard, but was always floppy and unattractive, and jizzed fizzing foam. I was still a girl in my dream, and all I could think was "this is so embarrassing, thank goodness my boyfriend is so great and open minded!"
11. Worst prank ever on poor cubbybear517.
I think the lamest/funniest dream I had was this guy was hitting on me(pre-marriage), I took him home and we started really getting into fooling around. But before he went down on me, he started laughing and said, "just kidding" before walking out the door. And that's where I woke up.
12. TheOneEyedWolf had a really corny dream.
I had sex with my crush but she had no arms or legs and her body was full of creamed corn.
13. The user name sayno2fap suggests just a hint of sexual frustration, and that kind of thing plays out in dreams.
You know those Bill Murray jokes where he says "no one will ever believe you"? Well, I was having sex with a beautiful girl in a dream, and then she said that and turned into Bill fucking Murray.
I really hope it was a dream
14. NotAlana got to see the origins of Daniel Craig's "cockney" accent.
I was watching the taping of some sort of game show. One of the contestants was Daniel Craig. After doing a stand up job of singing while in a foil covered fish bowl he came up to me and was flirting. Eventually he whips out his dick and says "how'd you like a piece if this?!?" At this point he's getting more arrogant and less flattering towards me. I give it a few tugs but get a little grossed out by how sticky it is, like he's sweating a lot. The dream ended by my saying "I've got to go make my husband lunch."
15. After this, Cars was never the same for minalear.
Built a new car to race my old, sentient car. After I beat it, I ripped its engine out and started to molest it as a sign of domination. Ants began to come out which proceeded to bury themselves into my dick.
16. In West Philadelphia born and raised / Is where Banana2022 had a sexual awakening.
I fell asleep watching Fresh Prince and my unconscious mind thought it would be such a good idea to have sex with Uncle Phil. It felt really good and I orgasmed in my sleep.
17. This deleted user was cockblocked in a dream, but cockblocked in the best possible way. (Hint: puppies!)
I was at a bar and randomly met up with a previous hookup that I've wanted to have sex with again for quite a while. He was leaving the country the next day so we decided to get a hotel. SUDDENLY, someone enters the bar with like 45 puppies of all shapes an sizes, and they're just roaming the bar cuddling with people. Needless to say, he was cockblocked by puppies and it was probably the best sex dream I've ever had.