Sex is about the most intimate thing there is, which means it's just naturally going to be weird and embarrassing. The combination of nudity, hormones firing, and co-mingling of body parts and fluids can really make you lose your inhibitions…and then say or do something in the heat of the moment that absolutely bewilders the other person. A few brave people on Reddit shared their stories of the weirdest things their partners have done in the midst of boning, and it's quite a ride. Warning: in case you haven't figured it out, these stories are very much NSFW.
1. Vlaid was over the moon.
Was about two millimeters away from entering this one girl, and she belts out "OH! Take me to the moon!"
Internally, I was laughing my ass off while my dick seemed like it hit a patch of "Insta-Soft". As she was a virgin, I felt terrible blaming her for my sudden lack of boner. I simply told her it was performance anxiety and fell on my own sword flaccid noodle.
2. That's why they call GrotesqueButcher "Mister."
My boyfriend was eating me out when out of nowhere he blew a shit ton of air into my vagina and it scared me, I jumped and pushed all the air out misting the poor guys face. I laughed so hard at him.
Though I'm not proud to say that I know what a balloon feels like now.
3. The boyfriend of TheLadyInReddit was right to do this, because objectively speaking, sex is hilarious and ridiculous.
I once dated a guy who giggled when he...finished. That was definitely unexpected the first time we had sex.
4. Or in other words, the girlfriend of thelaw316 said, "yay!"
My girlfriend is a talker. However, at one point, mid gasping orgasm, "I always assumed I'd have a wide variety of sexual partners but if this is what you do then I don't see it as a high priority!" It was like having sex with an auctioneer.
5. Sounds like an invitation for a three-way, plantinseeds.
I was having sex once with a beautiful gymnast. Fit body and perfect face, but small breasts.
As she's riding on top of me, she covers her breasts and says, "You know, some of my friends say I look like my younger brother. Funny right?"
No, not funny
6. Only TRUE '90s kids could relate to this embarrassing moment from Aluushka.
He said, in Nigel Thronberry's voice "oh, aluushka, I'm arriving." It was so awkward but I couldn't stop laughing.
7. AsksAmazingQuestions got the most mixed of mixed signals of all time.
She was drunk and we had just gotten back from a party. She was on top and we were having a really good time when she says "I think we're better apart"
I completely froze and asked what she meant. She then explained why we "work better apart" while riding my completely still and rapidly deflating penis.
8. It's all yours, pantyscrambler!
She slapped my ass and said "who's pussy is this?" It was our first time and I wasn't sure if it was hers or mine, so I ignored her. She did it again but this time she pinched my nipples and screamed "Answer me!!!" Having a 50/50 chance I said it was my pussy. Afterwards she says that's right, it's your pussy. Don't forget it. 7 years later, it's STILL my pussy, lol.
9. HoundsofHekate got real wet. No, not like that.
I had a guy pour a bottle of water over me during sex because "it's getting too hot". I wasn't impressed because it was my bed that got soaked, but the sex was hot so I continued and later slept in the puddle.
10. But in the end, automatic4skin turned out to be a little baby bologna boy.
we were trying to go for over an hour. 45 minutes into it she said "oh whos the salami boy? my little baby salami boy?"
11. This one was a real blow to Rough_And_Ready.
The first time I ended up in bed with an old fuck buddy, he asked me to don a pair of boxing gloves and punch him across the face and chest. This in itself wasn't really unexpected as we'd already talked about how that kind of thing turned him on. The unexpected part was how much I got off on it. I discovered a new kink that night.
12. Conductor_Cat provides a proof-of-concept for a Three Stooges-themed porno.
Sneezed with a g-spot vibe inside her while I was going down on her.
She was super wet, so the involuntary clench caused her to pull back a little and caused said vibe to fire out of her and hit me in the face.
13. It's all coming back to Kingboomber.
Girlfriend and i experimenting in bed, while blowing me i came in her mouth and without any warning spit it all the way up into my currently on-going "O"-face.
14. Definitely just a spur of the moment, spontaneous idea that the partner of thatryr0 came up with right then, certainly.
She asked me to grab my Xbox controller and tape down the right trigger while leaving a racing game on making the controller vibrate and offered to stick it in my ass. I declined but she accepted when I asked her.
15. Then Kittybongo sent him back upstream to spawn.
He had initiated things and I took a moment to get ready in the bathroom. He wanted to start things off with a blowjob, so I get down on my knees and pull my hair back and lean in, and it hits me. This pungent smell. I'm like "wtf is that?" but I'm a trooper and I try to go for it anyway. But it reeks, it's like the worst fish ever. Literally fish. Salmon. So I lean back and I'm like "I don't know what's going on, but something's wrong." He fucking bursts out laughing and yells "GOT YOU!!!!"
While I was in the bathroom, he had gone to the kitchen and rubbed salmon on his dick.
I still can't even fathom why he thought that would be a good idea.
16. Purplegreen23 just doesn't understand that sometimes a dude has to yell at dat azz.
My husband spread my ass cheeks...and got face real close to my butt hole and just screamed. Like screamed as loud as he could. It was so violating for a second and then i died laughing.