You're in the throes of passion. Body overtakes mind. Emotions run high. Hormones charging as you both climb toward ecstasy. And then, caught up in the moment, one of you says something stupid. Something really, really stupid. It happened to these redditors, and it'll happen to you.
1. User zackhankins74 should've gone with waffles, which are well known to be the official breakfast food of lovemaking.
"Those pancakes really slowed you down"
2. With a name like torosbulba42 that includes the Spanish word for bull, you can expect some cow noises.
My girlfriend mooed at me once. We had been going at it for a while and there was no sign of silliness. It was perfectly timed.
3. Cool, the ghost of JFK is posting on Reddit as _Shallot_ about his sexual exploits with the ghost of Marilyn Monroe.
During a one night stand in college, the girl I was having sex with was on top of me and sang the song "happy birthday" in its entirety while haphazardly bouncing to the beat of her own panting. Every time I attempted to interject playfully or reposition our beast with two backs in hopes of putting an end to this seemingly satanic rhythm, she would force me back down. Hard. It was not my birthday.
4. Never answer your phone during sex. But if you do, like jdherrera, be honest?
During sex I answered my phone and it was one of my female friends. Her:" hey how's it going?" Me:" well I'm currently balls deep in another woman." The call ended.abruptly
5. Answer correctly, Samuraistronaut, and you might have yourself a date under the mistletoe!
"Do you have a real, or a fake Christmas tree in your living room?"
6. True love means never having to say you're sorry, smaitlin897. This was not true love.
He said "sorry if I knew this was going to happen I would've shaved".
It was pitch black and I ended up laughing so hard he got dressed and left.
7. Memes don't belong in the bedroom, palmtop_tiger.
My fiancé, back before we became more serious, stopped in the middle of sex to say "Palmtop_Tiger, I need to ask you something important." He looked me lovingly in the eyes and stroked my face. As I said before, we weren't crazy serious so I was really alarmed by this question and assumed he was gonna say something creepy. He then decided to belt out "WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!" This was around the time the song had first been released and I had not heard it yet. It was very strange.
8. And then RealHonestJohn made it even weirder when he asked her to call him "daddy."
I called her "my darling little princess" which I found out is what her dad calls her. Brought the whole thing to a screeching halt.
9. User shiftysnowman is the man of 1,000 voices, all of them sexually inappropriate.
I've said a lot of weird things during sex because I just like making those awkward moments. Once I said, "precious" but in a spot on Gollum voice. Another time, afterwards I said "that'll do pig. that'll do." he punched me. i'm gay, so of course I've said stupid things like 'Sword FIIGGGHHTTT!" and whatnot
10. "Charlie Chaplin" would've also been an acceptable comment, naomiandmonkey.
"haha you look like hitler when you lick me"
11. This story from herplejerk seems like the perfect time to bring up that Nelly Furtado looks just like Courteney Cox.
The blood rushing to my face cancelled further sexing.
There was a great deal of lot of shame.
12. Well, CheekyDouchebag, that seems like a pretty stark good news/bad news situation.
"You can cum in me, I have cysts on my ovaries".
I still don't know what that means in relation to my spunk in her.
13. Joe_Biden_in_Space's friend would've turned her off if she'd done Luigi voice. Luigi is the worst.
A friend of mine once shouted "HERE WE GOOOOO!" in a falsetto Super Mario voice right as he came into his ex-girlfriend.
14. That was fast, erkala21.
"I feel pregnant"
15. This story from sculptedpixels brings up the age-old question: does all of Inspector Gadget, uh, telescope?
GO GO GADGET ORGASM! I must be honest though - with the paucity of blood in my brain, it came out more like:
Hard to enunciate & climax simultaneously...
16. At least mynameisjonas didn't sing "the best part of wakin' up…"
sang the words "Hot pocket!"
17. To be fair, bajammer said a little pony and not my little pony. Like that's any better or any worse.
"I'm gonna fuck you like a little pony."
18. Nobody has any idea what this comment from imusingtechnology means. And nobody ever will.
"You feel like an underwater Cadillac." ... oh, thanks?
19. ShitsHappen's lady friend somehow found a way to make sex better.
We were getting hot and heavy and she was giving some dirty talk when suddenly out of nowhere she just screamed "PUT YOUR BREADSTICK IN MY DONUT"