For the most part, human beings want to do the "right" thing. But oftentimes, life puts us in confusing situations that make it very difficult to gauge what the right thing even IS. The sub-Reddit "Am I The Asshole?" exists for this reason, because there's nothing like the court of public opinion to help us determine if we're good, moral beings or pieces of shit.A woman recently asked the sub-Reddit if she's an asshole for inviting her trans (FTM) cousin to participate in her wedding party, and then no longer wanting him involved. The question she posed, "Am I The Asshole for no longer wanting my trans cousin in my wedding party?" sure makes it seem like she's the asshole. Because why would you exclude someone from your wedding party just for being trans?! But the story she lays out presents a far more complex picture. She begins: I’m getting married next year and I’m so excited about it. My fiancé has all his groomsmen picked out, and I’m in the process of asking my bridesmaids. I’d also have liked to include my twin cousins E and A in the bridal party, as we were always so close growing up. A is a guy and lives a few hours away. E is FTM, which I’m sad to say plays a major role in this AITA. I drove out two weeks ago to visit A and ask if he’d be willing to be a part of the bridal party. I put together a box of goodies, and a card that said “Will you be a part of my Bride Tribe?”, deliberately not trying to use the word bridesmaid. He was excited and we talked a little bit about expectations/plans for how his and E’s ties/pocket squares would match the bridesmaid dresses. I specifically asked him not to mention anything to E because I wanted it to be a surprise. By avoiding gendered language and inviting her male cousins to participate in her wedding without asking them to abandon their gender expression, it seems like this woman's heart is in the right place. Unfortunately, her cousin "E" did not see it this way. She continues: Fast forward to this weekend and I meet E for lunch. I give him the same little box of goodies with the same card. E’s reaction didn’t go as I expected. He got really angry, accusing me of wanting to “fit him back into a feminine bridesmaid mold” despite his transition. I tried to explain that I’d picture him and his brother wearing color coordinated suits, but I didn’t get the chance because he kept talking over me. I feel like he went off the deep end. He called me bigoted, asked why I wanted him to support a wedding that would only end in a divorce, called me “basic” and adhering to stupid sexist traditions. He left without giving me a chance to really explain. In E's defense, he has probably dealt with a lot of sexist and transphobic bullshit in his life, which could explain his defensiveness about being asked to participate in a bridal party which is a gendered tradition with a sexist history. But in defense of this bride, she does seem to have done her best to make him feel welcome and included. So it makes sense that she was hurt by his reaction. This is when the moral high ground gets a little more blurred, because E ended up apologizing, but the bride decided not to accept his apology, and wants to exclude him from her bridal party. She writes: I guess today E finally calmed down and talked to his brother who must have explained because he sent me a text message apologizing and saying he’d be in the bridal party. I drafted a text message saying basically that while he’s still invited to the wedding, given his feelings towards me, it’s best if he isn’t a part of the bridal party. My fiancé says I should do whatever makes me comfortable, but my mom seems to think I’m being to harsh on E and should have seen this misunderstanding coming. She says I should be more understanding, considering the abuse/discrimination he must face. She says I should give E a second chance and if I don’t it will cause all kinds of family drama. Would I be the asshole if I refuse to let him be a part of the wedding party? Personally I agree with the mom. A cisgendered person might have a difficult time understanding what it's like to go through life as a trans person, and how a gendered event like a bridal party could trigger all kinds of complicated emotions. E apologized and clearly wants to participate, and since his twin brother will be participating, it seems unfair to exclude him. But at the same time, he did call her a bigot when she hadn't really done anything wrong to begin with. So even if her choice to exclude him isn't what my choice would be, it seems unfair to call her an asshole.To help you decide, the bride followed up with some more information after her Reddit post went viral. She writes: So I’m going to clarify a few things here in hopes that it addresses your questions. E sent me a text apologizing. His apology was for “snapping at me”. He admitted he was wrong and it was “totally out of line” and now that he talked to A he knows what I meant and would be in the wedding party “if I’d have him”. Nothing specific was mentioned, and I haven’t sent any response yet. A also did call me this evening, but I was out to dinner and missed his call. I called him back but right now we seem to be playing phone tag. ALSO, E is a man. He uses the pronouns he/his/him. Just because he may have been an asshole/acted out of anger does not give ANYONE license to misgender him. If you want me to take you seriously, use the correct pronouns for E. It almost seems like this situation is on the verge of being resolved, since they haven't even talked on the phone yet. And sometimes voice communication can be hugely instrumental in helping resolve conflict. Either way, the overwhelming majority of Reddit commenters seem to believe she's NOT the asshole in the situation. Let's hear from some of them.Fixmy59bug says she's not the asshole: If He ONLY bitched about you "pushing him back into a female role in a dress" then I would say he would have a point. BUT...Since he threw in the other comments (marriage doomed to fail, calling you basic, stupid sexist traditions), then I would say he doesnt support you or your choices anyways. And ShoddyAssistance agrees, writing: NTA (Not The Asshole). You don't need to bend over to please people that insult you, especially for your wedding. InfiniteGrocery also agrees: NTA - there would not have been a misunderstanding if E did not jump to wanting to take offense at something. All he had to do was not talk over you and everything would have been fine. Honestly I would have been okay with alot of it until he started personally attacking you and saying your marrage will end in divorce and that is the main reason you should cite when telling him (and your Mom) why he is not part of the "Bride Tribe" What do you think: is she behaving like an asshole by excluding him even after his apology? Or is his rude meltdown unforgivable? Weigh in in the comments!