Kids are cute and people are related to them, which means including kids in weddings makes perfect sense. Except for the fact that children are by definition not the most mature, and usually aren't up to the challenge of following the unspoken rules of wedding etiquette. Some of these kids fall into the category of accidentally adorable in their errors. Some earn the label of demon spawn.
Fortunately, there are adults out there willing to film their children slip-up and transcribe the horror stories so that others can learn from these mistakes—or, more likely, enjoy the disasters.
1. Not all members of this wedding party got along.
My son was our ringbearer at 3 years old, and he was well behaved walking up the aisle... but when he saw me in my dress, he shouted "Mama, you look..." Our families started to aww before he finished with "... ridiculous!"
It was hilarious, but definitely not part of the plan.
3. This little boy did not approve of the wedding rings.
4. Adults see a beautiful wedding dress, kids see a fun pile to jump in.
5. Wastingyouremotion was ready for a costume party.
When i was three i was a bridesmaid at my cousins wedding. I had been super excited and absolutely loved my dress in the weeks before.... on the day, for no apparent reason, i threw a huge fit and threw myself into a muddy puddle, rolling around in it... I wasn't allowed in any of the photos because i looked like a victorian street child
6. A ring bearer displeased with the flower girl followed in the wake of a baby who was so bored he fell asleep.
7. MissTastiCakes worked in the wedding industry and has seen some stuff.
Another wedding that had too many children had to be shut down because kids were breaking into cars with butter knives and killing some of the animals on the property and ripped out wiring for the speaker system.
8. Isn't is supposed to be the bride fainting and not a young groomsman?
9. Throwaway9999999000 watched in horror as this kid stole the show in a bad way at his parents' wedding.
Last summer, my partner and I were invited to a beautiful outdoor wedding at an upscale golf course/resort. The bride and groom already had two children (3-year-old boy and a 6-month-old daughter) and during the ceremony the kids were in the front row with their grandparents so they could watch their parents get married.
Well, the three-year-old boy hated the ceremony and let us all know it. We'll call him Little Beast, because that's what he was. Earlier we'd seen him running around chewing on the potted plants in the swanky resort's lobby (yes, literally chewing the leaves off the resort's expensive decorations!), and he also ran between a poor waiter's legs, causing him to spill a tray of champagne all over himself. We rolled our eyes and thought that was the worst he'd get up to. We were wrong.
About five minutes into the wedding, as the parents are saying their vows, Little Beast starts whining to Grandma and Grandpa loudly enough for us to hear in the back row. He's too hooooooot! He wants to go hooooooome! He thought there would be caaaaaake! His grandparents try to shush him... but it has the opposite effect. Little Beast freaks the fuck out, jumps out of his seat, and clings to his mother's dress, causing the audience to laugh. Grandma gets up and gently peels him off, reassuring him that everything's okay but that he has to sit down right now. Little Beast doesn't like this. He starts to throw a real level-four temper tantrum, a total nuclear meltdown, at the feet of his mortified parents, who are about to slide the rings onto each other's fingers. Naturally this wakes up the baby, who begins to scream like someone has set her on fire. Little Beast's mom and dad stand there awkwardly as Grandma physically removes him from the ceremony, screaming at the top of his lungs. As she carries him away under her arm, he kicks and punches her in the ribs repeatedly. We can still hear him howling as she carries him indoors. Mortified, Grandpa follows with the shrieking infant. Again, we think this is the worst that can happen. Again, we are wrong.
The rest of the ceremony goes without a hitch (ha, ha) but Little Beast inevitably reappears at the reception a couple of hours later. At first he seems pretty calm and quiet considering his previous meltdown, and guests compliment him on how cute he looks in his little suit. Soon the best man announces that it's time for the first dance. The lights go down and the romantic music starts to play. All eyes are on the bride and groom... and their son, who stumbles up to Mom and Dad as they're twirling around on the ballroom floor. A glazed look comes over his eyes -- and without warning, he projectile vomits ALL OVER the bride's dress. A moment later, he rips a huge liquid shit, which immediately starts seeping down his pant legs and all over the ballroom floor. The foul stench instantly fills the hot ballroom. It's nauseating beyond words. The guests begin to gag and run for the exits, including us, as the poor bride and groom stand there looking shellshocked and broken. So much for their special day.
You know those decorative potted plants Little Beast had been eating? Surprise, surprise, it turns out they were NOT MEANT FOR CONSUMPTION. Yep — he'd accidentally poisoned himself. Bride and groom had to cut the wedding short and rushed their son off to the hospital, the bride in hysterical tears of embarrassment, both of them stained with Little Beast's various bodily fluids. (Guess they weren't getting the deposit on that tuxedo back.)
Even though the bride and groom were gone, the guests were still invited to stay for dinner and cake, as the catering (not to mention the DJ, cake, venue, decorations, etc.) had already been paid for... but we'd mysteriously lost our appetites, and they couldn't get the awful puke-and-shit-smell out of the ballroom. Instead, my partner and I went home, toasted our childfree life with beer and take-out, and started googling the price of vasectomies.
Little Beast was fine, by the way... although if he were my kid, he might not have been.
Tl;dr — bride and groom's 3-year-old son poisons self by eating plants, vomits and shits all over his parents during the first dance, ruins everything forever.
10. Some kids are too eager to catch the bouquet.
11. The purpose of the flower girl is hard to grasp at such a young age.
12. Fortunately someone decided to help this kid out.
13. Weddings can be stressful for every member of the wedding party.
14. Please read MyTaquitos's tale slowly to avoid confusion.
Kid drowned a duck in the pond.
The floating candles were a lot less romantic with a dead mallard in the middle of them.
15. Little Teagan chose the wrong time to have a chat with the groom.
16. No one at this wedding horribletaste attended could've just kept an eye on the kid?
The best man had his child on a leash
Kids on leashes are normal-ish. A kid on a leash being dragged around a wedding is less normal. And much more hilarious.