Weddings are a beautiful chance to celebrate love, get tipsy, and flaunt your best bad dance moves with your friends.
But the notion that marriage is the one true key to long-lasting happiness means single folks can really get an earful if they mingle with the wrong guests.
You may mean no harm, but these asking questions are the actual worst. Please, do us single people a favor and never utter these words at a wedding ever again.
Terrible Question #1: "Are you married?"
We just watched two people join in holy matrimony and yes, we whooped and cheered! Why wouldn’t we? Love is grand! But that doesn’t mean you should check the relationship status of every guest in attendance.
Now, please move, you’re blocking our path to the open bar.
Terrible Question #2: "Is that your boyfriend?"
Stop frantically trying to identify our mate. If you see us talking to some dude we stood next to at the open bar, don’t jump to any conclusions. We might barely know each other!
Also, not all dates are significant others! Sometimes they are friends, roommates, or even our brothers. Bottom line is, if you’re curious about who some dude is, this is the wrong question to ask.
“How do you two know each other?” is a much safer bet.
Terrible Question #3: "So you’re single? Coooool! Do you date a lot?"
Woof. Seriously weirdo, please put away the popcorn. Our personal lives are not your Netflix-to-go. And while you’re at it, lay off the compliments on our singlehood. We know we’re great, and we will remain the shit whether we partner up or remain unattached.
Terrible Question #4: "So, like, what’s your type?"
You may be all ears and a-fixin’ to find us a partner. But that doesn’t mean we want to fill out a dating profile right now.
If you want to be social, simply talk to us about our other interests. Literally anything else would be preferable.
Terrible Question #5: "Ooooh! Have you tried any dating apps?"
The only thing worse than someone who openly pities you for being single is someone who is just thrilled that you get to experience modern dating.
They want to live vicariously through you but have no clue about the realities of modern dating.
Yes we have apps. Sometimes they are fun and sometimes they suck. You know what really sucks? Having this conversation right now about your how your cousin found her husband on Tinder.
Terrible Question #6: "Did you know so-and-so is single, too?"
God, yes. We’ve been introduced to every single dude here 10 times over. Rest assured, if we wanted to chat them up, we’d be doing it already. There's a reason we're hiding behind the chocolate fountain.
Terrible Question #7: "They’re about to throw the bouquet! What are you doing over here?"
I’m getting a slice of cake, bitch. And it’s really good. Please leave.
The fact is, single people are people too. We have interests beyond finding a mate. So please stop pestering with questions about who we’ll pair off with and when. You’re killing our vibe.