This is a clip from an upcoming reality show on TLC about adults who've never had sex, called Virgin Diaries. And that clinking you hear is the sound of every abstinent teenager in America chucking their promise ring at the nearest wall. The rest of us, on the other hand, might as well pick them up. Because after watching 21 seconds of what appears to be two wounded pelicans fighting over carrion, we never want to touch another human being again.

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