1. Pope Francis changes the priest's uniform to jeans and a blazer, and gives a mass where he hops up on a desk and gets real with the congregation.

2. A light fixture falls in the White House, bumping Obama on the head and making him remember his 2008 campaign promises.

3. Scientists develop an early warning system to detect onslaughts of Beyonce's awesomeness before they get out of control, after her surprise midnight album took out millions of people who had planned to go to work on time the next day.

4. John Oliver quits his new show to fill in for every single news anchor. We're happy for his success, but we need him elsewhere.


Sources: Jingjing Chen via Wikipedia | Wikipedia user Joebengo | The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | David Shankbone | Miley Cyrus - | Wikimedia Commons/Parker Brothers