A masochist's guide to enjoying '50 Shades of Grey.'

A masochist's guide to enjoying '50 Shades of Grey.'

Make watching this movie hurt so good.


Paper cut from the ticket stub...oh yeah.

If you truly want to enjoy 50 Shades of Grey the way Christian Grey would want you to, you're going to have to suffer through your movie experience to get the maximum amount of pleasure. Let the punishment begin, and don't forget to have a safety word so the teens working the movie theater know when you've had enough.

1. Pay extra to see 50 Shades of Grey in IMAX. It's not worth the money to see most movies in IMAX, especially this one, but you've been a bad girl and it's time you literally paid the price.


2. Buy the large soda. We both know your bladder can't handle it! And worst of all, you're going to have to pee right at the end of the second act, just when things are getting their steamiest. Deny yourself that pleasure while you use an unkept public bathroom.


3. Sit next to the woman who brought her kids.


4. Text during the movie. People will yell at you. Everyone will hate you. Wallow in it.


5. Wear 3D glasses even though it's not in 3D. That pulsing ocular migraine from the eye bondage is a gift from your master. Say thank you, slave!


6. Go see Jupiter Ascending instead. This is what you deserve.


7. And of course, the ultimate punishment is to wait for 50 Shades of Grey to be released on DVD.