The pen is mightier than the syringe.

That handwriting has declined almost as much as his batting. (via MLB)

Disgraced Yankee Alex Rodriguez, who was suspended for all of last season for using performance-enhancing drugs, released a handwritten note today apologizing for his misdeeds. The note is pretty convincing, because as everyone knows, it's physically impossible to be insincere in longhand.

Even Clinton had a better apology face. (Getty)

Back in 2013, A-Rod and 12 other players were suspended from the MLB after investigators discovered they had received treatments from a shady Florida clinic with the comically evil name Biogenesis. Rodriguez denied every allegation until he was identified as a customer by the clinic's owner, so fans have reason to distrust him on this.