This year's award for the most generically quirky person on Earth goes to...

Jazz. Action movies. Fast food. Mind-bogglingly awful local commercials. These genres all spread worldwide, but they all started in America, and we still do them the best.

This example from the East Hills Mall in St. Joseph, MO blends three of the best-known styles of local ad: the underwhelming mall ad, the back-to-school sale ad, and the irrepressibly bad local actors ad. Together, they make you want to visit the town, go to the mall, burn it down, and then travel door-to-door making locals sign pledges never to appear on-screen again. What's funniest is that when you visit their website, you realize this is a perfectly acceptable mall. They literally could have put the map and the list of stores on screen for 30 seconds and it would be a more convincing ad: