Real talk: I love specific items.

Oh, United Airlines. When will you ever learn (BASIC HUMAN VALUE)?

When redditor lyndy recently flew United, her pilot was (SYNONYM FOR SH*TFACED), and claims her final descent was terrifyingly fast. So after landing, she complained to United.

Naturally, this is a big deal for an airline, and they take this kind of complaint very (ADVERB). So (ADVERB), in fact, that they responded with an actual letter, typed up by a (SPECIES OF SENTIENT LIFE). Unfortunately the (SPECIES) who wrote this must have been a little (EUPHEMISM) him or herself, because they forgot to replace the (SPECIFICS) with actual inserted specifics.

Sources: redditor lyndy | The Independent