No one likes going into work. Least of all me, which is essentially why I'm sitting at home writing this after giving a bulls**t reason for needing to work from home today (my cable guy is coming.) But I'm not the only bulls**tter out there. Recently the fine people of Reddit asked anyone with management experience to dish about the most insane reason their employees have ever given for not showing up.
Take notes! (Just kidding, these are horrible excuses and they'll never work for you.
When I used to manage a bar/restaurant I had a server call out because "her boyfriend f**ked her in the a** so hard the night before that she couldn't walk properly". She prefaced this by saying the she knew she was about to provide me with too much information, but she was raised that honesty is always the best policy. After what felt like an hour of silence, all I could say was "ok".
I once had an employee call in because he "woke up in poop". There's no recovering a conversation once those words are uttered.
Loosely based, my friend called school in a woman's voice pretending to be his mum ' he can't come in today his ill' Teacher-' Frank...is that you?' ' no it's my mum....F**K!'