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Learning to love yourself is exhausting! Let's all do this instead. (Stock photo)
Millions of Americans on the verge of going to the gym today were relieved to discover that the FDA has just approved use of a magical drug that will dissolve their fat for them.
The drug, deoxycholic acid, is injected directly into the fat, where it magics it away over the next several weeks. It requires no special equipment, and using it has "little to no risk," a plastic surgeon told CBS News.
While most plastic surgery costs hundreds or thousands of dollars, deoxycholic acid is as affordable and easy to use as botox. Speaking of which, deoxycholic acid is going to need a catchier name. Chin-Tox? Deox? D-X? The Good Acid? I assume the FDA will hold some sort of contest.
The main thing is that this drug may be the one thing missing in all of our lives that will finally make us happy. We're going to look so svelte while we debate whether our obsession with looking perfect has gone too far.