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The End of Days is not upon us.

I don't know about you, but there was actually some weird, masochistic part of me that was quietly excited to see what kind of horrors would rain down upon us when Comcast and Time Warner merged together to become one massive capitalist black hole that just sucked in money and happiness while radiating absolutely zero f**ks.

I feel like it would have been perversely entertaining to see how bad things could get. Would wifi speed trickle down to old school dial-up levels? Would people literally be dousing themselves in gasoline and setting themselves on fire during customer service calls? Would shadow demons come pouring out of our cable feeds at 4am on Sunday mornings to harangue us about upgrading our plans to include fax service for some reason? I was dying to know!

Sources: Bloomberg