If ever there was a gossip story that the world needed to be true, it is this beautiful gem about Taylor Swift -- that she was reportedly carried out of her Tribeca apartment in a giant suitcase.
SPIN 1038, a radio station based in Dublin, traces the rumor to what it refers to as simply "a photo sharing website."
Is the guy in the picture giving the photographer a "Gee, I hope no one notices that we are carrying Taylor Swift out of the house in this suitcase" look OR WHAT?
Now -- it is, of course, totally possible that this is just a regular, non-Taylor-Swift-containing suitcase. Maybe Taylor Swift was off doing something else that day? And, sure, there's definitely an argument to be made for the fact that it might be difficult for all of Taylor Swift to fit into a suitcase. She is, after all, 5'10. I am only 5'9", and I am pretty sure that I would have a difficult time fitting into a suitcase that size. Also it seems uncomfortable! And hot!
But what fun is that? What is life even worth living if Taylor Swift is not being carried around New York City in a suitcase? The real question we ought to be asking is not if she is in the suitcase, but why. I have some theories.
1. The obvious theory, of course, is that Taylor Swift is in the suitcase for the purposes of avoiding paparazzi. Perhaps she is going through a Greta Garbo phase, and does not want to be seen by anyone. She has, after all, been known to do some weird things in order to avoid being photographed. Like this time she walked sideways to the car after leaving the gym.
2. She was playing a game of hide and go seek, and things went awry. Kind of like the time when Cherie from Punky Brewster got stuck in the refrigerator.
She is now being hauled to a secret celebrity locksmith somewhere who will be able to help get her out.
3. It's some kind of new beauty routine that we do not know about because we are not fancy celebrities like Taylor Swift.
4. She's decided that she is a living goddess, and as such, her feet can never touch the ground. So she has to be carried around everywhere like Cleopatra, but a sedan chair is just far to conspicuous in New York, so she opted for the suitcase
5. Taylor Swift has decided that she is the next Houdini, and thus constantly practicing escape artistry.
6. The conspiracy theories about Swift being the clone of Satanist Anton LeVey's daughter Zeena are true! And somehow this is all part of some strange ritual.
Or something to do with the Illuminati. I have heard that Katy Perry is in charge of the Illuminati (or something), so maybe she is hiding from them, rather than paparazzi.
Twitter, naturally, had some thoughts as well.
The possibilities, truly, are endless.