McDonald's revealed today it is changing the face of one of its most iconic brand ambassadors. After over 13 years out of the public eye, the Hamburglar is back with a new douchey look:

Please don't make me keep your secrets. (photo via Mashable)

Why must our trusted corporations change the original characters they brainwashed us into identifying with in the first place? Hamburglar was just settling into the cozy corporate nostalgia part of my brain, right next to that insanely obnoxious Zima guy!

Sure, the original Hamburglar's appearance raised some questions (Why the cape? How did he eat burgers with only one tooth? What horrific birth defect caused his giant, goofy head and hilarious speech impediment?), but he was a lovable loser, just like everyone who tries to order McDonald's breakfast after 10:30am.