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We get it: you don't have the time or patience to poke around Amazon all day looking for cool stuff to buy. Thing is, we do! So we scrolled through endless garbage to find the coolest stuff and bring it right to your screen. Thank us later. Or now! Thank us whenever you want.

Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list. We're trying to finally get off our parent's cell-phone plans. HA! Just kidding, imagine?

1. A knit beanie that will turn you into the kraken.

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Become your true self: a merciless tentacled beast from the ocean's depths who's a little chilly.

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2. Shedding gloves to make petting your dog more productive.

The fur can either be all over your home, or on your new shedding gloves. But it's gotta be somewhere.

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3. Blackout curtains so you can sleep forever.

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Sleep is your truest form.

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4. Apology notes to avoid confrontation.

Don't admit your mistakes in person... that's a sign of maturity you're simply not ready for.

Check 'em out here!

5. A hot sleeve to store your hot stuff.

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No more burnt knuckles in the bathroom! No more explaining to your boyfriend why you burnt your knuckles in the f***ing bathroom!

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6. A travel bag for your shoes.

Great for the gym, or when you're packing up after a week-long vacation in mud country.

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7. A coin purse that's f***ing adorable.

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For all your coins, which are equally adorable.

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8. Cable clips to get your wires under control.

Take one small step towards managing the absurd chaos of human existence!

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9. Fine tip pens to get back into drawing.

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These pens are fine as hell, just like you! ;)

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10. A feminist book for kids to get f***ing inspired.

Because you gotta fight the patriarchy after cartoons.

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11. A bedside organizer for easy access to your stuff.

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Reason number 4227 to never leave your bed.

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12. A cast iron skillet to up your cooking game.

Cast iron gets hotter than Ryan Gosling jogging through an Arizona steam room. That's the secret.

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13. Stove guards to make cleanup a whole lot easier.

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No more staring at the disgusting stove wondering when your roommate will clean it for you.

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14. A versatile whisk for whisking and whisking some more.

This whisk can multi-task better than you can!

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15. Scissor hair clips that are super stylish.

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They don't actually cut your hair, but the the sight of scissors will intimidate your hair into staying in place.

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16. A tapestry to stare at for way too long.

I know you haven't had a tapestry since college, but really... have you changed since college?

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17. A shirt that perfectly encapsulates your mood.

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Not today, Satan. Not any day. Okay maybe tomorrow.

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Sources: PizzaBottle