Some might call wearing mop sandals "lazy," but to those people I say, well, I don't know. Honestly, I'm too lazy to think of something to say and I want to go finish up the last two episodes of the House Of Cards Season 6. But, if you're a shiftless sack of carbon like me, luckily there's an entire industry of goods and services for people like us. Things like...
1. These lazy reading glasses.
For only $4.44, you’ll never again have to, GASP, sit upright while watching TV or reading.
2. This corn kerneler.
Too lazy to use your teeth to eat? No problem! BONUS: It might also remind you of your first time having sex. Get it for $9.51.
3. A combo remote-control/bottle opener.
It’s about time our nation’s brightest minds spent their time solving the problem of how to open two beers at once when god only gave you two hands.
4. This inflatable pillow tie.
Let's face it, if you’re lazy AF, you’re already sleeping at work. Make that experience more comfortable for $29.99
5. This electric potato peeler.
Not sure I understand people who don't just buy potato salad pre-made, but I guess if you do, $15 is worth never having to peel a potato again.
6. A self-turning ice-cream cone.
7. This twirling spaghetti fork.
Just like NASCAR, when it comes to eating spaghetti, milliseconds count. IMHO, $9.00 is a small price to pay for shaving those milliseconds off your next pasta party.
8. Sandals that are also mops.
Take dad sandals to the next level for $23.57.
9. And in case you want to bring your baby in on the floor scrubbing action, this onesie is a must-have.
The main problem with babies is that they can't help around the house. Not anymore!
10. A one-handed beer opener?
Say goodbye to the days of having to take a break from masturbating in order to pop a top. $16 well spent.
Seems like a natural solution to the problem of accidentally dropping your iPad in shit water while trying to watch the latest season of Silicon Valley.
12. This “ergonomic” chin rest.
13. These electric shoes.
14. This self-mixing chocolate milk mug.
15. This face-down beach lounger.
Now you won't even be able to see who's eye-fucking your ass at the beach for just $139. Also, it's good for reading or whatever.
16. This milk tap that keeps you from ever having to lift the jug again.
Get it for $6.39. Or don’t and just keep pouring your milk out like a caveman.
17. A banana slicer.
Get it for $5.99. Also good for some really kinky sex? IDK.
18. This instant-snowball maker.
Read the reviews of a bunch of delinquents who love it.
19. This 12 MPH cooler.
Ok, it’s a bit pricey. But think about the energy you’ll save by not having to ask your kids carry your cooler from the car to the beach.
20. Canned PB&J
All the convenience of a sandwich, somehow made even MORE convenient.
21. A voice-activated popcorn maker that shoots popcorn directly into your mouth.
As God intended.
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