Craigslist Missed Connections that we pray never lead to a connection.

Craigslist Missed Connections that we pray never lead to a connection.
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Yes, she was thinking of you while hacking flesh to bits with a cleaver. (Via)

Sometimes a missed connection ad seems to be there solely to show you how close you came to death, or worse, a hookup or relationship with a truly unhinged person. Look through these ads detailing some terrifying near-misses, and if you recognize yourself in any of them, thank your lucky stars you got away alive.

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I'll wait for Molly Hatchet. Not going to stick around for Dangerous Toys though.
I won't wait forever!
(Via)


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He must have some attractive puke if it got him an invite to eat more. (Via)


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"I have a great relationship with my father...and some dude we met on Craigslist." (Via)


Updated 11/19/14:

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There should be a "forward to your investigating police officer" button on CL. (Via)


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What you were wearing? A flimsy gown rolled up above your waist? (Via)

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Need more details. What kind of cat food? (Via)

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Aggressive nipping? Like, in a threatening way? Or just an "invading my space" way? (Via)

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Wouldn't it be great if this was the same woman from the OB/GYN? (Via)

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You both love name-brand fashion at low prices. You were made for each other.

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Had no idea there was more than one brand of pork rinds. (Via)
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To summarize. You: Neck veins. Me: Enjoys neck veins.

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He's not going to want to have sex with you if you make him catch a cold.

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Updated 1/22/14:

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Everyone has their own definition of "funny." Especially when it comes to smells.

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I'm sure she remembers your fingertip when it grazed the digital pixelation of her face.

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Some fish are the catch of the day. For her, it was the catch of a lifetime.
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The most wonderful time of the year (for pervs).

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You call him a BabyDaddy. She calls him a FucktrophyDaddy. Potato, potahto.
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Dude, find her! You'll never find someone with lower standards!
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Updated 9/30/13:

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Did she perhaps shout, "I am calling the police?" If so, it's love.

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If this is your type a of woman, you might really just be looking for a pet.

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Just had to be in jail for a few hours. We all need our alone time.
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It's hard to find a edumacated man who understands horemones. Keeper!

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Give him a chance. Some of those grandes can cost like seventeen bucks.
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If there was ever an incentive to turn that frown upside down, it's not this.

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Updated 6/28/13:

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OMG is this the guy we pooped on at the diner on Sansom last week?

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I want to recycle our encounter and turn it into 85% post-consumer love.
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Just click to enlarge. It's worth it.
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How many pie-related experiences does he think she's had?

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You clearly have a thing for men with snot-covered hands.
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We're pretty sure we know who this is about. And we agree.
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We can work this out if you relax your rules about not throwing fruit at the elderly.
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Updated 5/29/13:

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I could fart and you could laugh for the rest of our lives.

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If you want to be with the kind of guy who sneaks pics of chicks' toes, I'm your man.

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Was it Meghan? Sorry, I'm a little hard of hearing.

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But now that I've apologized, maybe you're into that sort of thing?
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Girl, your fine ass is just made for sexual harassment training.

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Save this one for the scrapbook for your grandchildren!
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Updated 4/29/13:

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Maybe see you at the reading of the will?

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Physical description: he had hair, empty eyeballs, and a nose.

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A man who can make explosives out of his mullet is truly innovative.

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Seeking: Policeman. Must be able to duck.

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Always great to find someone who shares your interests/infections.

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Dark prince disciples always fall for the flame-haired alabaster crystal guardians.

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Updated 3/25/13:

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Fake. The "I vomited on your shoes" thing is used in every Nicholas Sparks novel.

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How could she leave him? He had a logo and everything!

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Brenda, everyone at that library would like you to take him back.
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Can we get this guy and the farting "We shared a moment" girl together?
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She only put you in jail because she wanted to know where that pretty face was at all times.
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Nope. Want to go peeing some time?

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If you were at a store recently and you had an ass, somebody loves you.

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Updated 1/30/13:

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You never know when you're going to be the victim of unlawful entry...in your heart.

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Ew, he got taller? Dealbreaker.

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We want these people to throw us in their trunk and take us on a cross-country crime spree.

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Would have been a ten but the landing was actually too sticky.

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We don't understand what happened, but we're excited that kittens are using Craigslist now.

Updated 1/3/13:

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Dear God. Did...did he kill her with his fart?

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Fork-geddaboudit!

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Um, drunk as she was, she should still avoid responding to an ad from a guy who naps on train platforms.

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Updated 12/03/12:

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Updated 9/14/12:

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Updated 8/9/12:

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