Yes, she was thinking of you while hacking flesh to bits with a cleaver. (Via)

Sometimes a missed connection ad seems to be there solely to show you how close you came to death, or worse, a hookup or relationship with a truly unhinged person. Look through these ads detailing some terrifying near-misses, and if you recognize yourself in any of them, thank your lucky stars you got away alive.

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I'll wait for Molly Hatchet. Not going to stick around for Dangerous Toys though.
I won't wait forever!
(Via)



He must have some attractive puke if it got him an invite to eat more. (Via)



"I have a great relationship with my father...and some dude we met on Craigslist." (Via)


Updated 11/19/14:


There should be a "forward to your investigating police officer" button on CL. (Via)



What you were wearing? A flimsy gown rolled up above your waist? (Via)

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Need more details. What kind of cat food? (Via)

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Aggressive nipping? Like, in a threatening way? Or just an "invading my space" way? (Via)

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Wouldn't it be great if this was the same woman from the OB/GYN? (Via)

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You both love name-brand fashion at low prices. You were made for each other.

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Had no idea there was more than one brand of pork rinds. (Via)
(click image to enlarge)

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To summarize. You: Neck veins. Me: Enjoys neck veins.

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He's not going to want to have sex with you if you make him catch a cold.

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Updated 1/22/14:


Everyone has their own definition of "funny." Especially when it comes to smells.

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