A Ford Escape, in its non-sh*tty form.

I'd like point out right off the bat that this post should not be viewed as a critique of the Ford Escape. I actually hear some good things about the Ford Escape. If you're in the market for an reliable and affordable compact SUV with a solid four-cylinder engine, you could probably do a lot worse than a Ford Escape.

However, if you're waaaay more interested in affordable than reliable—something that "runs like sh*t" when it's even running—then this Craigslist ad might be for you:

Sources: Craigslist | h/t Uproxx