I wanna touch you occasionally, but I would prefer it if you really weren't into it.

The last time I checked, my definition of "basically free" didn't include being naked with occasional groping. That being said, it's a new economy, and these days if you can't artisanally craft something, become a social media influencer or shift billions of dollars around in shadowy financial markets, you're pretty screwed. So why not fall back on that most basic biological asset, your genitals. 

After all, you're ideally straight, or at least have a woman that you're dating who would probably disapprove of some guy holding your wang every few days (negotiable). Hey, he's open-minded, though, and would be willing to touch a gay dude as well. I'm not saying just because someone is gay means they would be OK with getting randomly touched by their roommate, I'm saying it's weird that this guy prefers someone who prefers no man-touching at all. If you're gay and you really want a chance at this apartment, I'd recommend getting a jealous, effeminate boyfriend who snaps a lot. Anything to make the touching seem less OK will probably make him like you more. UPDATE: Sorry boys, either this offer was snatched up by someone in the buff already or the attention has scared him off, because the post has been taken down.

Sources: Daily Dot | Curbed