Perhaps the most terrifying Craigslist apartment ad of all time.

Perhaps the most terrifying Craigslist apartment ad of all time.
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The end of your apartment search is near, we mean!

Remember when your parents were worried about you moving to the big city? This is the picture they had in their heads. All it's missing are the heroin addicts and sassy prostitutes who were presumably moved into the hallway for this gorgeous photoshoot. Oh yeah, and the obvious murderer who is the primary leaseholder here. If anything, this highlights the peculiar beauty of real-estate language. For example, "private secure entrance" is real-estate speak for "one way in, one way out - perfect for a standoff with the cops." Check out the rest of the horrorshow below:
 

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Fire... place. A place... for fire. Also holds up to 300 nightmares.
 

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Stainless steel appliances... and a diagram of a body with no identifying head, hands or feet.

 

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Secure, private entrance. Into and out of Hell.
 

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Don't let this be the one that got away!

 

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Natural light. Possibly a fireplace? Definitely a hidey-hole.
 

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Exposed brick. Exposed someone-was-tied-to-those-pipes.

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