Subway mascot Jared Fogle becomes smaller than we could have ever imagined, pleads guilty to kid porn.

Subway mascot Jared Fogle becomes smaller than we could have ever imagined, pleads guilty to kid porn.
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First he lost weight, then he lost respect, and now he's lost his case, becoming a teeny-tiny shadow of his former self.

Subway mascot Jared Fogle becomes smaller than we could have ever imagined, pleads guilty to kid porn.

Doesn't his face look way creepier now that you know more about him? (via Getty)

Oh, how the mighty have totally grossed us out. OK, so Jared Fogle was never mighty, but the Subway spokesman charmed America with his heartwarming-if-improbable tale of losing weight by eating Subway sandwiches every day. His ads first aired on January 1, 2000, which was probably the most important New Year's Resolution day in history — New Millennium Resolutions. Well, it worked, and he became an accepted icon of the American advertising landscape like Joe Cool and the Budweiser frogs. Except unlike tobacco and alcohol, Jared Fogle was apparently secretly a mascot for an even worse vice — kid porn.

This all started in the beginning of 2015, when then-director of the Jared Foundation, Robert Taylor, was arrested with 500 videos of child pornography which he was also accused of producing. Taylor has since been charged with child exploitation, possession of child pornography, and voyeurism.

Then, in early July, the FBI and local law enforcement suddenly raided Fogle's house in Zionsville, Indiana, removing electronics into an evidence truck while serving out a warrant in connection to Taylor's child porn case. Although some cautioned it was too early to say that having the FBI come pick you up (he went voluntarily) and cart off all your home computers meant that Jared was involved...uh, it looked pretty bad. That premonition of badness we had turned out to be sadly dead-on. Since then, we've learned that he allegedly bragged about paying for "amazing sex" with a 16-year-old and been heard calling middle-schoolers hot.

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All of this is hearsay, of course, but this is not: the FBI and Indianapolis media are confirming that Jared will be pleading guilty to federal child pornography charges. That is the crime of a small, small person. Eensy. Weensy. Practically non-existent. It's hard to see how his career goes on from here, because he can't possibly shrink any further.

Way to get out ahead of this, Subway.

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